Today in humanity ain’t shit news, TMZ (et al) is reporting that some humanoid-shaped pieces of shit ran up and shot Lady Gaga’s dog walker, Ryan Fischer, four times in the chest last night as he was out walking three of Gaga’s French Bulldogs in an apparent targeted dognapping. Ryan was rushed to the hospital and is expected to make a full recovery. Two of the dogs, Koji and Gustav were snatched but the third, Miss Asia, was saved. Lady Gaga is currently in Italy filming the movie Gucci and has offered a $500,00 reward, no questions asked, for Koji and Guztav’s safe return. No questions asked?!?! I mean I get it, but if my dog walker took FOUR bullets for my babies, I damn sure would have some questions for the fuckers who put him in the hospital.
According to TMZ:
Lady Gaga’s dogs were targeted by thieves Wednesday night … thieves who shot her dog walker and stole 2 of her French Bulldogs … law enforcement sources tell TMZ, and we’re told Gaga is offering $500,000 for the return of her dogs, “no questions asked.”
The dog walker had three of Gaga’s Bulldogs out in Hollywood just before 10 PM when one gunman — and possibly more — came upon him. We don’t know what was said, but the dog walker was shot and the gunman made off with 2 of the dogs, named Koji and Gustav.
There are reports there were only 2 Bulldogs being walked with one taken and one escaped that was later found, but our law enforcement sources tell us 3 dogs were being walked and 2 were taken by the gunman. We’re told the 3rd dog had run away but was later recovered.
However, local reporting by ABC 7 suggests that Asia did not run away and that Ryan was cradling her in his arms when police arrived and had to be pried away. So maybe humanity is a little bit ok sometimes. TMZ adds:
Gaga’s been in Rome working on a new movie, her bodyguard was seen picking up the recovered Bulldog. Sources close to Gaga tell us she’s extremely upset and is offering a half-a-million dollars to anyone who has her 2 dogs … again, no questions asked. We’re told anyone who has the dogs can use this email — [email protected] — to retrieve the reward.
Law enforcement does not know if the target was Lady Gaga’s dogs specifically. French Bulldogs are in demand and expensive, so our sources say it’s possible the gunman did not know the dogs were owned by Lady Gaga.
Well if they didn’t know whose little monsters they were fucking with at the time, they sure as hell know now. Imagine thinking you were attempting to murder a fellow human being to make a quick buck off some generic Frenchies only to find out that the person you almost killed and those doggos have a global posse ready to “ask questions” on sight. And if they did know, well they’re as dumb as they are degenerate pieces of shit. Now let’s go find those babies!