Category: Dolly Parton
Open Post: Hosted By Dollywood Offering Free College Tuition To All Their Employees
Dolly’s done it again, y’all! If Dolly Parton sleeps we can’t tell because she’s done her eye-makeup to look like they’re open. According to ABC/WATE, Dolly’s doing the work our government won’t or can’t do by offering free college tuition to all Dollywood employees who wish to further their education. Dolly said fuck student debt relief, how about no debt to begin with. When the government says “let them eat cake,” Dolly’s over here saying “hey y’all, I baked you one of my very special Dunkin Hines yellow cakes with the pink frosting I know you like.”
The Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame’s 2022 Nominees Include Dolly Parton, Eminem, And Lionel Richie
This morning the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame announced their seventeen nominees for 2022’s Hall of Fame induction. The shortlist includes Dolly Parton, Eminem, Lionel Richie, Dionne Warwick, Pat Benatar, Duran Duran, and Kate Bush. Sounds like a fantastic hypothetical dinner party. If anybody got too big for their britches (Simon Le Bon), Dionne would tear them a new asshole. Then she’d order Kate Bush to ease the tension by dancing. And Kate totally would (Babooshka-stylez), because nobody says no to Dionne. Continue reading
Open Post: Hosted By Dolly Parton Telling Taco Bell To Bring Back The Mexican Pizza
Dolly Parton’s little Moderna vaccine was cute and all, but if she can get Taco Bell to bring back my beloved Mexican Pizza, she can safely be named America’s Greatest citizen. Shortly after burying Paula Deen another six feet under the ground with the debut of her Southern-Style cake mixes for Duncan Hines, Dolly has come out as Pro-Mexican Pizza and says they should bring it back. You hear that Taco Bell?!? DOLLY SAID BRING IT BACK! I dare you to defy her or else she’s going to start her own fast-food chain called Dolly’s Mexican Pizza Only Fans and it will be over for you hos.
Open Post: Hosted By Dolly Parton Breaking Three Guinness World Records At Once
People says that 75-years-young Dolly Parton just swept up some new accolades and busted down not one, not two, but three Guinness World Records all at once. Surprisingly none of them were for “Famous Person Whose Saved The Most Children From Death,”–they were for music. And yet for some reason, Elon Musk wins Time‘s PR Team of the Year–I mean–Person of the Year. Typo, sorry.
Happy Thanksgiving, Here’s A Stunning Throwback Pic Of Dolly Parton And Her Man!
Dolly Parton has already given us a COVID vaccine (although, I betrayed the Church of Dolly by getting Pfizer!), and on this Thanksgiving (aka the day when we all share that picture of Spider-Man making a Turkey Day feast out of Uncle Sam’s ass), she decided to give us the gift of a gorgeously glamorous vintage pic of herself (in a freakum Pilgrim dress) and her husband of 55 years Carl Dean. I can already hear every influencer type screaming at their assistant to track down the bronzer that Carl Dean used back in the day. Sorry, tricks, that shit’s natural. His skin naturally glowed like that from being in the presence of the human sun that is Dolly!
Lil Nas X Says It Was His Duty To Come Out After “Old Town Road” Was A Hit
Back in 2019 Lil Nas X ‘sploded onto the scene with his super successful single, Old Town Road. That extremely unlikely fusion of country and rap topped the charts for a then record-breaking 19 weeks: April to August of that year. And Lil Nas publicly came out of the closet at the end of that June (Pride Month). Now, in an interview for XXL’s latest issue, 22-year-old Nas admits he probably wouldn’t have come out if it weren’t for Old Town Road’s success. But he felt, once the song became a huge hit, it was his duty. He wanted to move forward being his authentic self. And nothing says authenticity like riding a stripper pole down to hell and giving Satan a lap dance! Continue reading