Usually when our brains are assaulted by having to think about Farrah Abraham, it’s because she’s slithered out from whatever cavernous lair she lives in to initiate her newest ploy for attention and relevancy. However, it doesn’t pain me as much to hear about the Teen Mom OG alum/failed frozen yogurt slinger when she’s on the receiving end of her karma instead of shoving herself in our faces, so I’m happy to report that Farrah has been charged for her role in a nightclub kerfuffle where she allegedly slapped a security guard and then had to be wrestled to the ground and arrested due to what I’m sure was loud, nasal, baby-voiced belligerence.
Not even a pandemic and a quarantine is going to keep Shia LaBeouf from allegedly throwing down some full-throttle asshole foolery on the streets. Seen above looking like he’s angrily asking you to pull his finger, Shia has been accused of getting violent with a guy during a fight in Los Angeles in June. And now he’s facing charges. After watching Shia “act” every layer of stoned as Jeff Spicoli in that Fast Times reading, I figured that maybe, just maybe, as he gets older, he’s mellowing out on a fluffy cloud of the green shit. But well, LaBeouf is LaBeef-ing again.
Ronnie Ortiz-Magro From “Jersey Shore” Got Charged With Five Different Crimes For Alleged Domestic Assault
Ronnie Ortiz-Magro from Jersey Shore got some really good news last week. He was not charged with felony kidnapping for the messier than messy situation (and that’s saying a lot when it comes to these Jersey Shore train wrecks) where he allegedly held a knife and his daughter while getting into an alleged physical altercation with the mother of his child, Jen Harley. Well, turns out that it’s not time to break out the Ron-Ron juice and funfetti cake for celebrations. Because Ron was has been hit with more charges.
I wonder if the department of corrections offers a prison-issue fleece vest option? Because it sounds like alleged creep-in-Crocs Mario Batali just got one step closer to such a choice.
Two weeks ago, an allegedly drunk Heather Locklear was arrested at her home for beating up her boyfriend. During that arrest, Heather reportedly attacked first responders and now she’s in trouble for that. I think I can speak for everyone when I say that I saw this coming. You can be a drunk mess, you can be a drunk mess around the cops, but the second your start attacking police and threatening to get your gun, you’re probably going to get it.
According to TMZ, Heather made an appearance in court today, and she has been charged with four counts of misdemeanor battery on an officer. Heather was originally arrested for hitting her boyfriend Chris Heisser, but she won’t be charged for that. Instead, the D.A. went after Heather for pulling some amateur Street Fighter moves on the police. Heather was also charged with one count of resisting or obstructing an officer.
TMZ adds in some more messy information regarding the night she was arrested. On top of threatening to shoot police officers if they returned to her house, Heather reportedly also hissed, “You fuckers deserve your kids to die, you fuckers deserve it” at the police, adding that if they were to find themselves in that position, she hopes they think of her. Heather then ominously told them she hopes no one burns their police department down.
Heather is in rehab right now. As if I even needed to remind you of that. Wishing death on the police and their kids, then implying their police station might possibly get burned to the ground? I bet that facility didn’t even do a blood alcohol test at admission. They just heard her say “Um, have you ever seen the movie Carrie?“, and immediately got a sober coach ready.
Cristiano Ronaldo’s longtime football rival is Lionel Messi, and last year, Messy Messi was found guilty of tax fraud and sentenced to 21 months in the clink (he’s not going to jail and will serve probation instead). Well, here comes Crispy to show Messy Messi that he can do the tax evading thing better.