If Noel Gallagher had calmly said that he’s more than happy to wear a mask since he cares about other human beings and wants to do his part to stop the spread of coronavirus, I’d immediately lube up my parts and assume the position, because I’d finally get some since today is Opposite Day. But since Noel Gallagher is Noel Gallagher he didn’t say that and while on Matt Morgan’s Funny How? podcast (via The Guardian), he made it damn clear that the only way he would hate a mask more is if it had the words I Love Adele embroidered on it.
The BBC says that in the UK, rules state that your breathing holes must be covered with a mask when in public places like grocery stores, shops, and public transportation, but you can take it off when eating or drinking. But as coronavirus cases rise in the UK, Noel Gallagher refuses to cover the slobbering rage pits on his face and seems to think that masks protect him from getting the virus.
“It’s not a law. There’s too many fucking liberties being taken away from us now … I choose not to wear one. If I get the virus it’s on me, it’s not on anyone else … it’s a piss-take. There’s no need for it … They’re pointless.”
If a regular mask protected the wearer, then Noel may have a point. Because how can corona enter his body since he’s letting out a saliva-filled scream fit all the time. That’s like trying to walk in a Category 5 hurricane of shit.
But even though there are scientific studies that say a mask helps to fuck up coronavirus’ reign, Noel thinks masks and the mask rules are stupid:
“I was going up to Manchester the other week and some guy’s going, ‘Can you put your mask on,’ on the train, ‘because the transport police will get on and fine you a thousand pounds. But you don’t have to put it on if you’re eating.’ So I was saying: Oh right, this killer virus that’s sweeping through the train is gonna come and attack me, but see me having a sandwich and go, leave him, he’s having his lunch?
Why do you have to wear one when you’re having a fucking haircut, but you don’t have to wear one in the pub?” he added. He referred to Morgan, who argued in favour of mask wearing, as a “cowardly germophobe”.
And like with most things, Noel and his brother Liam Gallagher are at opposite sides of mask-wearing:
No mither no clue up your bum fuck You pic.twitter.com/DLEPNQ27dh
— Liam Gallagher (@liamgallagher) September 13, 2020
We get it, Noel Gallagher, you’re a real hardcore badass who is not going to listen to THE MAN. Somebody should’ve told the members of this First Annual Tournament of Covidiots Parade that went through a Target in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida that Noel Gallagher is with their dumb asses.
Anti-maskers in Florida invade a Target pic.twitter.com/Z8TWbl8ihD
— Fifty Shades of Whey (@davenewworld_2) September 16, 2020
Because instead of chanting We’re Not Gonna Take It (which was not Dee Snider-approved), they should’ve chanted the title of Noel Gallagher’s song The Death of You and Me. It would’ve been more fitting.