The “Fast Times At Ridgemont High” Reading Gave Us A Jerk-Off Scene Featuring Brad Pitt And Jennifer Aniston
The dreams of any remaining TEAM ANISTON t-shirt owners had already come true last month when it was reported that Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt would reunite for a live at-home reading of Fast Times at Ridgemont High. As promised, Jen and Brad reunited last night on Zoom for the Fast Times reading, to benefit Sean Penn’s CORE charity. And Brad and Jen must have been feeling extra charitable because they gave everyone at home an image for the ages by recreating the Phoebe Cates/Judge Reinhold jerk-off scene.
The Fast Times reading brought out plenty of stars. Since we’re still in the middle of a pandemic, everyone read from home and it was all over the place. It was hosted by Dane Cook (who also read as Mark “Rat” Ratner), and the actors who gave it their best shot through the lens of a laptop camera were:
Brad Pitt reading as Brad Hamilton
Jennifer Aniston reading as Linda Barrett
Ray Liotta reading as Mr. Hand
John Legend reading as Charles Jefferson
Henry Golding reading as Mr. Vargas
Matthew McConaughey reading as Mike Damone
Julia Roberts reading as Stacy Hamilton
Sean Penn reading as the delivery driver
Shia LaBeouf reading as Spicoli
Jimmy Kimmel reading all other characters
All the stage directions were read by Morgan Freeman, which made the whole thing feel like God was watching each and every one of those horny teenagers and taking notes like a pervert (it’s fine, he’s not actually God, and they were mostly being played by middle-aged adults). But speaking of being horny, I pray for Brad and Jen’s publicists. Because this reading has just cursed them to at least 6 more months of responding to phone calls with: “No, they’re not actually horny for each other, they were acting, because they’re actors, acting in a thing. Acting. Not real. Brad just happened to be playing a character named Brad. Please stop calling.”
BRAD AND JEN pic.twitter.com/rO2wWNFNNo
— Scarletth🪐 (@ScarletthMerk) September 18, 2020
For those who haven’t seen Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Brad’s character Brad sees Jen’s character Linda swimming in his backyard pool. He decides to crank down in his work uniform after fantasizing about Linda coming on to him, and she walks in and catches him. It’s awkward. Unlike everyone on this Zoom call, who was fully enjoying getting to watch Jen pretend to catch Brad with his dick in his hand.
HOW IS THIS REAL IM SCREAMING pic.twitter.com/dnGsCmYtvS
— sb (@chalametdune) September 18, 2020
Not surprisingly, the internet was very quick to meme the Ridgemont hell out of it:
Beyond Brad and Jen, there was Shia LaBeouf, who played Spicoli, from his car, located inside his garage.
When I tell you Shia LaBeouf was DEDICATED to this role. #FastTimesLive
— Dani Kwateng (@danikwateng) September 18, 2020
Love for Shia Labeouf increasing by the second #FastTimesLive pic.twitter.com/WaB6J1D0Qy
— Wʏɴᴛᴇʀ Mɪᴛᴄʜᴇʟʟ (Rᴏʜʀʙᴀᴜɢʜ) (@wyntermitchell) September 18, 2020
Is Shia LaBeouf wasted or the greatest method actor of our generation? pic.twitter.com/mRMkRu5h7i
— Theatre Greeter (@TheatrePeas) September 18, 2020
Shia was totally committed to his performance. Although that’s me assuming Shia was even acting. A chain-smoking mess that speaks mostly in yells, that has to be told multiple times to put a shirt on? That sounds like Shia on any given day.
Pic: Twitter