Category: Noel Gallagher
Noel Gallagher And Sara MacDonald Are Done After 22 Years Together, And Liam Gallagher Cryptically Tweeted About It
Bloviating bell end Noel Gallagher spent the better part of 30 years feuding with his brother/former Oasis bandmate, Liam Gallagher, and they haven’t fucked with each other in about ten years after Noel quit the band. But, Noel and his second wife Sara MacDonald announced yesterday that they’re going their separate ways after being together for 22 years and married for 12. Shocking; he always seemed so placid! Ever since the dissolution of Oasis, rumors swirled that Sara’s contentious relationship with Liam was a factor in Noel leaving the band. Liam has wanted the band to reunite, and it seems like the divorce news spurred him to attempt to catch Noel’s attention by tweeting out songs he’d probably curated for this very occasion. Noel was also busy today releasing the first single from his band Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds‘ upcoming album.
Open Post: Hosted By The Oasis Cover Band Who Has Been Stranded At A Yorkshire Pub For Three Days Because Of A Snowstorm
The Manchester Evening News reports that the Oasis cover band Noasis and around 50 “punters” (British slang for customers) are stranded at the Tan Hill Inn in the Yorkshire Dales after a blizzard buried them in 5 feet of snow. The snow blocked cars and roads, making escape virtually impossible. And that was on Friday. These poor souls are currently on Day 4 of hearing Wonderwall on loop. God help them all!
Noel Gallagher Has Very Noel Gallagher Thoughts About Wearing A Mask
If Noel Gallagher had calmly said that he’s more than happy to wear a mask since he cares about other human beings and wants to do his part to stop the spread of coronavirus, I’d immediately lube up my parts and assume the position, because I’d finally get some since today is Opposite Day. But since Noel Gallagher is Noel Gallagher he didn’t say that and while on Matt Morgan’s Funny How? podcast (via The Guardian), he made it damn clear that the only way he would hate a mask more is if it had the words I Love Adele embroidered on it.
Liam Gallagher Dragged His Brother For Not Performing At “One Love Manchester”
Expecting a Gallagher brother to not take an opportunity to act like a miserable taint sore is like expecting Lindsay Lohan to not snatch a wallet that’s left right in front of her, or like expecting me to not simulate a dick-sucking with a Prince Hot Ginge wax figure at Madame Tussauds. So it’s shocking to absolutely no one that Liam Gallagher used a charity event to once again spit at his dried-up twat of a brother Noel Gallagher.
Liam Gallagher Still Has A Very Healthy Relationship With His Brother
If I know anything about Liam and Noel Gallagher, it’s that the only thing they hate more than Adele and popular music is each other. Now, there are two ways to keep the fires of a feud burning. You can pull a Mariah Carey and softly fan the hot coals of hate by continually refusing to acknowledge said person you’re feuding with. Or you can do like Liam Gallagher did recently and dump an entire can of gasoline on it.
This all happened on Twitter, which makes sense, since Twitter is basically the internet’s unsupervised fire pit. The Independent isn’t sure what set Liam off, but they think it might have had something to do with some positive comments Noel received during a recent Gigwise interview about his upcoming third solo album. Because he’s such a sweet, supportive younger brother, Liam decided to congratulate Noel by coming hard for him and his producer David Holmes. David was dragged into this mess, because he was responsible for the nice words, which included calling Noel’s new album “fun.” Liam opened with a slap at David for being a “YES man“, then proceeded to shit all over Noel and compare him to a ground-dwelling vegetable.
In Case You Were Wondering If Noel Gallagher Still Hates Adele…
And now in salty bitches being salty bitches news. Noel Gallagher, a man who I’m pretty sure shares DNA with the phrase “Piss off“, recently spoke to British GQ (via Daily Mail) about humanity’s current favorite crooning feels-maker, Adele, and – surprise! – Noel Gallagher still doesn’t like Adele. The last time Noel was asked about Adele’s music, he channeled his inner *so edgy* 9th grader by sneering that it’s music for “fucking grannies.” This time, Noel Gallagher went even harder by confessing that Adele’s existence is such a pain in his ass that it ruins his breakfast.
“Adele? I’m not a fan. She always comes on the radio when I’m having my cornflakes: ‘Hello?’ No, fuck off!”
Cornflakes, eh? I always pictured Noel Gallagher ate a bowl of wood chips and popcorn kernels every morning to guarantee that he’d have something to complain about. You really do learn something new every day. Obviously my first reaction to Noel whining about Adele would be to tell him to get off his ass and change the radio station. But then I remembered that Adele is our supreme overlord, and it doesn’t matter how far you turn the dial in any direction, Adele’s voice will be on it. And turning off the radio won’t do any good, because there’s always going to be that neighbor who belts out the chorus from “Skyfall” in the shower like they’re auditioning for Bathroom Idol.
Speaking of reality shows, Noel also took a tight shit on reality competition television. You know, because he wouldn’t want to give Adele the satisfaction of being the sole recipient of all his hate this week.
“I’ve been offered the X Factor twice and – right after I left Oasis – Strictly Come Dancing. Just ee-fucking-magine.”
Just once I’d love to know what Noel Gallagher likes. What am I saying? Noel Gallagher likes nothing! If an airline ever loses Bianca Del Rio’s Rolodex of Hate, she could call up Noel Gallagher and ask if he’d consider subbing in as a replacement. Again, listen to me acting like Noel wouldn’t shout “Fuck off, I’ve got cornflakes to eat” before hanging up the phone.
Pic: Splash