Jeff Bezos Is Going To Space

June 7, 2021 / Posted by:

Some kids play house, others – like yours truly – passed the hours in a pretend bar they made out of pillows and coasters stolen from a local peanut shells-on-the-floor dining establishment. And of course, lots of kids pretended to go to space. But not every kid grows up to be an astronaut, that is unless you grow up to be one of the World’s most grotesquely wealthy humans, in which case, you can do anything you damn well please. And that’s exactly what Jeff Bezos plans to do! He’ll be flying into space with the crew of his own space exploration company, Blue Origin.

Jeff Bezos announced earlier this year that he plans on stepping down as Amazon’s CEO after 27 years, and will continue in a smaller role as “executive chair.” While MacKenzie Scott continues to give away her Amazon billions to those here on Earth, Jeff Bezos is using his to leave the planet for a fun little trip to the stars. via CNN:

Jeff Bezos will be flying to space on the first crewed flight of the New Shepard, the rocket ship made by his space company, Blue Origin. The flight is scheduled for July 20th, just 15 days after he is set to resign as CEO of Amazon.

Jeff is dragging his younger brother Mark Bezos with him into zero gravity. Jeff made the big announcement on Instagram earlier today, with a video about the New Shepard’s first flight. Why does a 57-year-old billionaire want to get shot through the ozone layer at the end of next month? Well, basically, he’s wanted to live out his “Ground control to Major Tom” fantasy since he was a kid, so he’s doing it. Thank god I’m not rich enough to pursue my childhood dreams and ambitions, otherwise, Oksana Baiul would be filing a police report for one 1994 Winter Olympics gold medal that was stolen Mission: Impossible-style.

“You see the Earth from space, it changes you. It changes your relationship with this planet, with humanity. It’s one Earth. I want to go on this flight because it’s a thing I wanted to do all my life. It’s an adventure. It’s a big deal for me.”

It changes your relationship with humanity? I bet the stressed-out Amazon employee mentally disassociating the in warehouse wellness coffin hopes so!

This will be the first time a billionaire with no aeronautical training enters space. Sir Richard Branson has been trying for years to get a billionaire in space (and, that his Virgin Galactic shuttle is scheduled to leave Earth later in 2021). And of course, there’s Elon Musk, who really, really wants to go to Mars. If Jeff Bezos’ New Shepard ship makes it into space in July, then he’ll beat Elon Musk, who hasn’t even been to space yet. Loser! Ah well, too bad, Elon. Maybe if you still want to beat Jeff Bezos into space, you can hop on Amazon Prime and see if they have a spaceship in stock that can be next-day delivered?


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