Here’s A Few Commercials For The Commercials Of Super Bowl 57

Hard to believe that The Big Game is less than a week away. Yes, in just a few short days, the Michelob Ultras will go head-to-head against the Hellmann’s Mayonnaises in a star-studded Super Bowl 57 spectacular that will be broadcast all across the world! Now, I’m not a betting woman myself, but if I was, my money would be on the Ultras to win because I hate mayonnaise and I refuse to buy any. But according to Sporting News, “the latest trend in advertising are companies putting together teaser trailers for their ads” which must be infuriating for the bookies responsible for setting the spread (currently the Mayonnaises are favored 2:1, which makes sense). But to be honest with you, I don’t even really care who’s playing. Call me crazy or un-American but I only watch the Super Bowl for the men in tights who run around on the field when the commercials go to break.

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The “Nevermind” Baby’s Child Pornography Lawsuit Against Nirvana May Be Dismissed Because He Missed A Filing Deadline

Spencer Elden, the man who thinks anybody who had a poster of Nirvana’s Nevermind album hanging over their bed in the 90s is a sexual deviant, has had some bad news regarding his child pornography case against the band because he failed to respond in a timely manner to a motion requesting the suit be tossed out. Last summer, Spencer filed a lawsuit against members Nirvana and others including Dave Grohl and Krist Novoselic as well as Kurt Cobain’s estate and therefore Courtney Love, executive of said estate. Spencer was seeking $150,000 from each of the 17 named defendants claiming his little baby pee-pee being used to sell records was tantamount to sex trafficking and child pornography. USA Today reports that the baby who appears naked, reaching for a dollar bill on the iconic album cover had until December 30, 2021 to respond to a motion to dismiss filed by the defendants, but I guess he must have overslept. It’s hard keeping a regular schedule when your job title is Disgruntled Baby Penis Model.

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The Foo Fighters Trolled Westboro Baptist Church Protestors By Playing Disco

Dave Grohl and his Foo Fighters are busy, busy Bee Gees fans. They just released an album of disco covers under the name “The Dee Gees” (a play on Dave’s initials, D.G.), and they’re currently touring across America. Last night they performed in Kansas, and guess who showed up to protest? No, not Courtney Love. And no, not anti-vaxxers ft. Ricky Schroder, who aren’t allowed to buy concert tickets. It was the band’s other other enemy, those homophobes from the Westboro Baptist Church. Ugh, get a hobby, you literal haters. Continue reading

Tina Turner Will Finally Be Inducted Into The Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame

Tina Turner is 81 years old and has been performing professionally since she was 17. Lady is a legend. This is why my gob was officially smacked when it was announced Tina would be inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. How wasn’t she in there already? They literally call her “the Queen of Rock n’ Roll”!  Now, teeechnically she was inducted as one half of Ike & Tina in 1991, but having to share the honor with your abusive ex-husband isn’t the same thing. So it’s about goddamn time.

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Dave Grohl Owns Something More Precious And Special Than The Mona Lisa

No, I’m not talking about his Grammys Red Solo Cup. He doesn’t own that anymore. He donated it to the Museum of Cool Dads.

America doesn’t run on Dunkin’ anymore. Right now, the world, including America, runs on the stories from musicians who were told by David Bowie to chew on an anus scab and swallow. Ambien’s biggest competitor, Coldplay, already told us about the time that David Bowie refused to collaborate with them because he felt the song belonged at the bottom of a Port-A-Potty bowl. Bowie also turned down a collaboration with the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and told Bono that his musical Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark should’ve been called Spider-Man: Just Turn That Turd Off.  Well, now Dave Grohl has his own “…the time David Bowie shat on me” story.

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Bitch Got Booed: The Courtney Love Edition

Fresh off from solving the Malaysia Airlines mystery (Yes, she solved it, officials just refuse to listen!), Detective Courtney Love temporarily stepped away from putting her magnifying glass over the mystery of Jimmy Hoffa’s missing body (she thinks she found it at the bottom of a bottle of Adderall) and took her ass to the Barclays Center in Brooklyn to speak at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony. Nirvana was inducted into the Hall of Fame along with the original members of KISS, Hall & Oates, Peter Gabriel, The E Street Band and Yusuf Islam (aka Cat Stevens). When Courtney went up to the mic, the audience hugged her with a welcoming applause and by that I mean they booed the internet-bought fillers right out of her lips.

After the surviving members of Nirvana and Kurt Cobain’s family spoke (Frances Bean had the sicks and couldn’t go), Courtney took the mic (at the 7:41 mark), waited for the audience to finish hitting her with a tidal wave of booos and then spit out some shit about how all those guys are her family. Strangely enough, while Courtney was spitting out words, Dave Grohl did not jump on her back and bite her cheek off while hitting her in the head with his trophy for saying that he humped on Frances Bean once. Courtney hugged Dave and I was expecting to see the kind of cold, awkward hug a bitchy brat would give to the boy she kicked in the dick on the playground after her mom and the principal forced her to apologize, but it seemed kind of genuine. Or maybe I just got contact high from Courtney’s speech.

Courtney and Dave didn’t totally hate each other last night, but I’m sure Crazy Ass Courtney will be back to her old tricks today and will write an anonymous Tumblr  post where she’ll accuse Dave of digging up Kurt Cobain’s grave to hump his bones. Yes, I know, Kurt Cobain was cremated, but this is Courtney Love we’re talking about.

Here’s some pictures from last night’s Hall of Fame Ceremony including some of Bonnie Raitt, Emmylou Harris, KISS and Hall & Oates (who should also be inducted into the Panty Creamer Hall of Fame).

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com