The “Nevermind” Baby’s Child Pornography Lawsuit Against Nirvana May Be Dismissed Because He Missed A Filing Deadline
Spencer Elden, the man who thinks anybody who had a poster of Nirvana’s Nevermind album hanging over their bed in the 90s is a sexual deviant, has had some bad news regarding his child pornography case against the band because he failed to respond in a timely manner to a motion requesting the suit be tossed out. Last summer, Spencer filed a lawsuit against members Nirvana and others including Dave Grohl and Krist Novoselic as well as Kurt Cobain’s estate and therefore Courtney Love, executive of said estate. Spencer was seeking $150,000 from each of the 17 named defendants claiming his little baby pee-pee being used to sell records was tantamount to sex trafficking and child pornography. USA Today reports that the baby who appears naked, reaching for a dollar bill on the iconic album cover had until December 30, 2021 to respond to a motion to dismiss filed by the defendants, but I guess he must have overslept. It’s hard keeping a regular schedule when your job title is Disgruntled Baby Penis Model.
The cover of the 1991 Nirvana album, Nevermind, features a naked baby reaching for a dollar in a pool. Art imitates life, which imitates art, because that baby, now a 30-year-old man named Spencer Elden, is also reaching for a dollar. 150,000 of them, to be exact. He’s recently sued for $150,000 in damages alleging that he was “sexually exploited” and that the cover was child pornography and a “sex-trafficking venture.” Most of us saw the news of this lawsuit and thought “Um, the fuck?” but legal experts have now weighed in and it seems they too are thinking “Um, the fuck?” and the consensus between legal experts and regular people is the same: This is very weird.
Do you know how that baby on the album cover of Nevermind by Nirvana looks like he’s reaching out for that dollar bill? Well, that baby, Spencer Elden (pictured above), is still reaching. Vulture reports that Spencer has filed a lawsuit “alleging that the nude image constituted child pornography,” and that “the inclusion of currency in the shot makes the baby appear ‘like a sex worker.’” Spencer is seeking damages of $150,000 from each of the 15 named defendants which includes Nirvana’s Dave Grohl and Krist Novoselic, Kurt Cobain‘s estate, Courtney Love as executor of said estate, as well as the photographer, art director, and “a number of existing or defunct record companies that released or distributed the album in the last three decades.” But at least we the public are off the hook. In 2016 when Spencer recreated the photo for the 5th time, he said he wanted $0.25 from everybody who’d ever seen his baby penis. So even if Spencer wins, we get to keep the quarter!
Last night at the Barclays Centre – a venue that will always sound to me like a snooty prep-school from an 80s teen movie – Nirvana was inducted into The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame after finally meeting the 25-year waiting period (brb need to pack my bags for the nursing home, because that made me feel OLD). After being inducted by ageless Georia peach Michael Stipe, several artists joined Nirvana on stage to perform a medley of their songs, including Kim Gordon of Sonic Youth (makes sense), Joan Jett (I’m with you), St. Vincent (she’s good at guitar, so okay), and Lorde (wait just a goddamn Teen Spirit second).
Lorde was negative-3 years old when In Utero was released, so it makes about as much sense to let her sing “All Apologies” with Nirvana as it would to call Sophia Grace and Rosie up on stage and hand them a mic. But maybe it wasn’t so much about singing as it was about having someone who can visually represent the 90s, and nobody’s doing a better job of dry humping the 90s than Lorde. For her performance, Lorde started with her usual Rayanne Graff drag and added one of Paula Poundstone’s old pantsuits (that also kind of looked suspiciously like the pyjamas from TLC’s “Creep” video), Rebecca Gayheart’s Noxzema Girl hair, and wrapped it all up in the stage presence of that Stone Temple Pilots-obsessed kid in your grade school talent show doing his best Scott Weiland impression.
Basically, it was almost perfect: all that was missing was Lorde using the end of her pacifier necklace to crack open a can of Crystal Pepsi, and taking a break mid-set to ask the audience what they thought of Bill Clinton and last night’s episode of The Larry Sanders Show.
Courtney Love recently took a break from trying to put Robert Stack out of a job (don’t tell her he’s been dead for over 10 years; there are still mysteries that need solving!) to speak with NME for their issue commemorating the 20th anniversary of Kurt Cobain’s death. And since we’re talking about Courtney Love – the human equivalent of a question mark – she spoke less about her late husband and more about her desire to honor his legacy by writing a Broadway musical based on his life. Unfortunately (here we go) she just doesn’t have the means to make it happen on her own:
“Both Frances and I have thought long and hard and agreed that if we can reach up to the highest shelf and select a team of the greatest and most respected writers, producers and directors, then a Broadway musical is very likely to happen. I would devote countless hours with an A-team to create a project that reflects Kurt in the most respectful but honest way possible, so that his story, his music and his legacy can be resurrected on stage for not only the world to see, but more importantly for our daughter to see.”
Clickety-clack, girl; do what you gotta do. Personally I think this sounds like a great idea, but I have some suggestions that I think would really win this show some Tony Awards:
1) Courtney Love plays every major character in the show, including Kurt, Dave Grohl, baby Frances, and in the scene where Nirvana meets RuPaul, RuPaul
2) There’s a song in the second act called “The Mystery of the Missing Money” and it’s just Courtney walking up and down the aisles asking people for a couple bucks
3) There’s also a song called “Can I Have Whatever Pills Are Floating Around the Bottom of Your Purse”
4) Frances Bean is played by Andrew Rannells
There, I just wrote you the next CATS. Hey Courtney, if you need another person for that A-team, give me a call (you can pay me in mystery solving). And in the event there’s a growing interest in Broadway musicals based on 90s-era grunge, I have a dynamite idea for a one-woman show about Blind Melon’s Bee Girl.
At last night’s 12-12-12 benefit show for Hurricane Sandy relief, Krist Novoselic, Dave Grohl, a crushed velvet shirt and Pat Smear reunited to play a new song with Paul McCartney. I know, tacky whores. Instead of getting Paul McCartney, they should’ve used a Kurt Cobain hologram. Sadly, they didn’t play “Rape Me” and dedicate it to Heather Mills and her lawyers. They sang a new song called “Cut Me Some Slack.” Cut some slack is not something that Courtney Love’s crazy ass is interested in doing.
TMZ says that Courtney Love took a break from making antique wedding dresses out of used crack foil and opened her yap hole to spill out a stream of hate over Paul McCartney singing with the surviving members of Nirvana. Since the inside of Courtney Love’s head is an empty playground of delusion, she thinks she’s the voice of Nirvana and wasn’t amused that Paul was singing with them. Courtney doesn’t like that Dave called it a “Nirvana reunion,” because Kurt was the beating heart of the band and without him, Nirvana can never exist again. Courtney didn’t like that the idea of Paul singing with Nirvana and thinks John Lennon would’ve been better.
I’m actually shocked that Courtney Love didn’t break into Yoko Ono’s apartment, steal John Lennon’s ashes (that’s if Yoko didn’t turned Lennon’s ashes into a diamond charm for her labia ring) and then rush the stage at the 12-12-12 concert to spread ’em while Nirvana and Paul McCartney played. That would’ve been more entertaining than that “Cut Me Some Slack” song. But I am here for that crushed velvet shirt.
Here’s a few pictures of the tricks and tramps who overdressed (see: Blake NotSoLively and Katie Holmes) to pose at the 12-12-12 concert in NYC last night. In order: Blake, Chelsea Clinton, Cristal Connors, Jeremy Piven, the robot formerly known as Stepford Katie, Susan Sarandon and Tony Danza.