The day after Beyonce made Rudy Giuliani clutch all of his pearls over her “shocking anti-police” performance and Coldplay nailed their “Up with People on Valerian” impersonation at the Super Bowl, Rolling Stone released their new issue with Chris Martin’s face on the cover. During the interview with Rolling Stone, Chris called his divorce from Goopy Paltrow “weird” and “wonderful” (those two human “ughs” deserve each other) and he also talked about his ex-wife’s bestest friend in the entire world Beyonce for a little bit.
After Coldplay and Beyonce joined saintly forces to bestow their amazing talents on the poor people of India, he asked her if she’d be into doing another song he wrote. Beyonce shat on Chris Martin’s song right in front of him.
Martin once presented a song to Beyoncé called “Hook Up” and played it in the studio for her and producer Stargate. She turned it down, he says, “in the sweetest possible way: She told me, ‘I really like you – but this is awful.'”
Singers dropping a Coldplay song into the dumpster is a theme… Chris Martin said not too long ago that legendary alien angel David Bowie turned down a Coldplay collaboration because he thought the song was shit. Bowie probably turned down that Coldplay song because it was shit. But Beyonce probably turned it down, because the last time she worked with Coldplay on a song, #1 Beyonce fangirl Goopy invited herself to the studio where she made them matching friendship bracelets and slobbered all over Bey’s weave. Beyonce didn’t want to go through that again.
Chris Martin also said that he knows Coldplay is becoming the new Nickelback.
“I had a couple of years in the mid-2000s where it was really confusing to me. I was like, ‘Why is our band sometimes a punch line?'”
When everyone was making fun of Coldplay last night for being Coldplay, one of my friends piped in and said that he doesn’t understand why they get so much hate. I almost broke up with that friend on the spot because I only like to surround myself with bitchiness and negativity. But then I thought about it for a second and wondered if that friend had a point. They don’t and that was confirmed to me this morning when my eyes landed on that Rolling Stone cover. I mean, Chris Martin is wearing not one, but two pinky rings. Any dude that wears two pinky rings deserves all the hate in the world.