Here’s A Few Commercials For The Commercials Of Super Bowl 57
Hard to believe that The Big Game is less than a week away. Yes, in just a few short days, the Michelob Ultras will go head-to-head against the Hellmann’s Mayonnaises in a star-studded Super Bowl 57 spectacular that will be broadcast all across the world! Now, I’m not a betting woman myself, but if I was, my money would be on the Ultras to win because I hate mayonnaise and I refuse to buy any. But according to Sporting News, “the latest trend in advertising are companies putting together teaser trailers for their ads” which must be infuriating for the bookies responsible for setting the spread (currently the Mayonnaises are favored 2:1, which makes sense). But to be honest with you, I don’t even really care who’s playing. Call me crazy or un-American but I only watch the Super Bowl for the men in tights who run around on the field when the commercials go to break.
Also competing in SB57 are The Internet Booking.coms with Melissa McCarthy as QB1, The Crown Royals with defensive line reading man Dave Grohl, and this year’s underdog, the Tokyo Rakutens, who I’ve personally never heard of, but who managed to entice Alicia Silverstone out of semi-retirement and into her old Clueless jersey. Here’s a sneak peek at the starting lineup. Up first, the odds on favorite, Booking.com, which doubles as a reminder that Melissa will also be playing in the Disney Bowl (AKA the Gay Super Bowl) as the running back for The Little Mermaids.
I love how Melissa made sure her husband, Ben Falcone, also got paid for being her water boy. That type of intelligent game play is why she’s got the edge over Alicia whose water boy, Christian Siriano, gets to keep his check for himself. Here’s their commercial for Rakuten, which introduces Clueless to an entirely new generation of kids who don’t even know who Stacey Dash is, let alone why gave up a promising football career for an unpaid internship in public speaking.
And you know it wouldn’t be the Super Bowl if we didn’t have a commercial starring Aaron Paul and Bryan Cranston flogging the bloated corpse of Breaking Bad. This year they’re playing for Corn Kid’s favorite team, the Pop Corners.
More like the Pop Coroners, amiright? Sorry, but this team is DOA. But the Crown Royals aren’t taking any chances. They’re keeping all their best plays secret until game day.
Those are probably the names of the touchdown dances Dave might bust out if the Crown Royals go home with the trophy. Of course the Clio Awards aren’t until May, but we’ll know they won if Dave leaves it all on the field on Sunday.