Category: Cursed
The Royals Attended The London Premiere of James Bond In “No Time To Die”
You know the British Royal Family is pressed for some good PR because they have risked the very fabric of the monarchy by sending 4 of their highest ranking members to a movie premiere. And the movie is fucking cursed! I guess they’re running low on Egyptian antiquities to pilfer and instead decided to tempt the gods by sending Princes Charles and William, and Duchesses Camilla and Kate to go rub elbows with the Hollywood hoi polloi at the London premiere of No Time To Die, the James Bond movie that was supposed to have come out in 2019 and make Ana de Armas a star. And here we are, 2 years and 200 pap strolls later, and neither of those things has happened!
The Release Date For “No Time To Die” Will Probably Be Postponed Yet Again
I don’t know if there’s ever been a movie in recent memory so woefully cursed as No Time To Die. Release dates have come and gone and come again. We already watched the 2nd trailer back in September 2020. Ben Affleck was preemptively banned from the red carpet in August. It’s been nearly a year since we tried listening to Billie Eilish’s theme song and decided it was meh. Want to feel old? They found that toilet camera on the set way back in June. OF 2019! Now, because of COVID, Deadline reports that the release date for the 25th James Bond movie has pushed back once again. Instead of getting it as an Easter basket, it’s going to be presented as a Thanksgiving turkey.
Open Post: Hosted By Matthew Morrison As The Worst Grinch To Date
Matthew Morrison is coming under scrutiny after clips of him wearing green face paint, a prosthetic nose, and an unkempt chartreuse pompadour alarmed viewers who were watching NBC’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. According to Entertainment Weekly, Matthew plays The Grinch in an upcoming musical special on NBC, The Grinch Musical!, and his characterization garnered a number of “horrified and/or disgusted responses.” Because as you can see above, we can’t blame the makeup and costume department for ruining Christmas before the Thanksgiving gravy even had a chance to congeal. It’s Matthew Morrison’s choices as a performer that are laying furry green turds in our stockings this year.
Prince George Will Be Allowed To Keep His Plundered Shark Tooth
Even though he already has an entire dinosaur skeleton to call his own (well, more precisely he calls it great-grandpa Philip), the country of Malta has decided that Prince George can keep his little shark tooth, they’ve got bigger fish to fry. Yesterday we learned that George was gifted the 23 million-year-old tooth by Sir David Attenborough who found it back in the 1960s while on vacation. You would think a renowned naturalist like Sir David would know better than most that you’re not allowed to just snatch up any old shit you find on vacation. Do they not show reruns of The Brady Bunch in Jolly Old England? Now because of his hubris, The Royal Family is probably cursed for all eternity. Which is redundant actually, considering the vast array of plundered goods already on display in The British Museum.
The Queen Biopic Has A New Director
Somebody over at Fox had a really long night on the phone cold calling all the directors listed in the yellowpages trying to find an emergency replacement for recently shit-canned Bryan Singer for the already-in-production Queen biopic Bohemian Rhapsody. The good news is they only had to get down as far as the “F”s before they hit pay-dirt. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Dexter Fletcher will be stepping in in to fill Bryan’s oh-so-problematic shoes.
With Fletcher at the helm, production is expected to resume next week. Fletcher, who made his screen debut in 1976’s Bugsy Malone, has extensive acting credits that include Stardust and Kick-Ass. He made his directorial debut with 2011’s Wild Bill and most recently helmed 2016’s Eddie the Eagle, a biopic about the British ski jumper who took the 1988 Winter Olympics by storm.
Dexter looks SORTA familiar to me. And in case you couldn’t tell by his name, Dexter is English. He’s been in a butt load of British period movies which are like catnip to me. My husband calls them my “costume parties”. I think Dexter looks like Jemaine Clement in old man drag.
This movie has been cursed from the onset and I don’t think Freddie Mercury wants it to happen. Freddie is up in heaven right now laughing his sainted ass off at these mortal fools trying to put their stank all up on his legacy. They do be trying though. The movie is set to be released on Christmas Day, 2018. They have one year to try to appease Freddie and get their shit together. Otherwise, Freddie’s going to make sure each and every one of them gets nominated for a Razzie.
Pic: Wenn.com