Usually, when law enforcement rolls up to Maison Minaj, it’s probably to check that Nicki Minaj’s sex offender husband, Kenneth “Zoo” Petty, didn’t shadily strap his house arrest ankle monitor onto an assistant so he could step out to do whatever it is he does; but, this time sheriffs checked in with them twice in one night after swatters first claimed that Nicki and Kenneth’s 3-year-old son was in danger, and later that their house was actively on fire.
A TikToker Had To Call The Fire Department After She Got Stuck In A Chair While Filming Fetish Content
A 27-year-old Michigan woman got herself in some trouble the other day when she crammed her lil’ body into a folding chair and couldn’t get it back out. If you’re asking, “Why?”, the obvious answer is “for a TikTok!” Sydney Jo AKA @sydneysomethin is an online sex worker and says most of her TikTok posts are about sex work and giving sex work advice. Sydney Jo was trying to demonstrate the sexual fetish of getting stuck. And then she actually got stuck. Really stuck. So stuck that she had to call the fire department. It must have been scary, but congrats to Sydney Jo for unintentionally making the sexiest stuck content since 127 Hours.
When I first read that people were calling 911 over a house’s Halloween decorations, I expected an X-rated front yard tableau of a kinky demon orgy. Lots of chains, spiked dildos, and blood-curdling screams, which would obviously have fuddy-duddy neighbors clutching their pearls and hiding their innocent children’s eyes. Alas, the Riverside, California home sparking all this controversy is actually a Pirates of the Caribbean-themed display that looks like a house fire. So people are calling 911 to report a “FIRE! FIRE! FIIIIIRE!”
Knowing what we know about the current relationship between Tori Spelling and her mom Candy Spelling, one might assume the police were there to deescalate a tense situation involving Tori clutching a box of ovulation tests and threatening to have a sixth child. The reality of which is a little more disturbing.
I shouldn’t say that the Dynasty reboot has been completely CW-fied. I don’t think there’s a superhero in this one. Although, I wouldn’t be shocked if the first episode ends with Cristal revealing that she’s a secret DC superhero. The CW has to find a way to shit out a Dynasty/Supergirl/Arrow/The Flash crossover episode.
The CW held its upfronts in NYC today and announced that us worshipers of the original Dynasty have just a few months to prepare for the night when we’ll scream, cry and slap down our TVs as though we’re Alexis and its Krystle. The CW’s Dollar General reboot of Dynasty will stink up Wednesdays when it debuts after Riverdale in the fall.
The CW farted out the first trailer and the show’s first catfight, and Jesus be a last-minute cameo appearance by Dame Joan Collins, because it looks like a bland, boring dried turd. That “when you order something online vs when it arrives” meme was made to compare the original Dynasty to this basic Dynasty reboot. The original Dynasty was a flawless 10 carat diamond whose sparkles were so bright they burned retinas, and this shit is a dull counterfeit diamond made of off-brand peanut butter.
Prepare your “She don’t love herself” GIFs; this story will require all of them. According to TMZ, when Chris Brown returned from his punch-throwing asshole’s retreat in Las Vegas this weekend, he discovered that a woman had been living in his house while he was gone. The only problem was, he wasn’t expecting any house guests.
Chris first realized something was weird when he arrived home last night around 9pm and found women’s clothing in the foyer. Chris was there with some of his friends, so they started looking around the house and they found someone had spray painted the words “I LOVE YOU” on his kitchen counter and “MRS. BROWN” on two of his cars. Eventually they made their way up to Chris’ bedroom, and that’s where he found a 21-year-old woman naked in his bed. Chris called the police, and they arrested the woman for felony burglary and felony vandalism.