Category: Kinky Bitch

A TikToker Had To Call The Fire Department After She Got Stuck In A Chair While Filming Fetish Content

June 11, 2021 / Posted by:

A 27-year-old Michigan woman got herself in some trouble the other day when she crammed her lil’ body into a folding chair and couldn’t get it back out. If you’re asking, “Why?”, the obvious answer is “for a TikTok!” Sydney Jo AKA @sydneysomethin is an online sex worker and says most of her TikTok posts are about sex work and giving sex work advice. Sydney Jo was trying to demonstrate the sexual fetish of getting stuck. And then she actually got stuck. Really stuck. So stuck that she had to call the fire department. It must have been scary, but congrats to Sydney Jo for unintentionally making the sexiest stuck content since 127 Hours.

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Emma Watson Is Fascinated By Kink Culture

April 1, 2020 / Posted by:

Emma Watson isn’t just an actress. She’s also a feminist, activist, and UN Women Goodwill Ambassador. Bow down, bitches sisters! In early March, Emma interviewed political science professor and Sex and World Peace author, Valerie Hudson. Teen Vogue just published a condensed version of that conversation.

The two discussed feminism, labor issues, #MeToo, and forced child marriages in Malawi. They also talked about sexy shit, and while discussing gender roles in relationships, Emma praised same-sex relationships, and also let us know that she may be liking rope bondage tweets Armie Hammer-style.

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Emma Watson Is Totally A Furry

March 13, 2017 / Posted by:

There’s been a lot of talk about how Emma Watson turned down the Emma Stone role in La La Land to do the live-action Beauty and the Beast. Emma said that scheduling conflicts kept her from doing La La Land, but now we know the real reason why she didn’t do it. If Ryan Gosling’s character was a buff buffalo who got lipstick dick every time he danced close to her, she’d definitely be the one wearing the yellow dress and singing that City of Stars shit.

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Celebrity Wife Swap: The Clint Eastwood Edition

September 4, 2013 / Posted by:

Last week, Dina Eastwood told UsWeekly that she hasn’t been sleeping in the same bed as Clint Eastwood for a while and they’ve been separated for about a year. We all figured that Clint finally ran away with his empty chair and spent his nights spooning with it, licking its legs up and down and eating Activia off of its seat. But UsWeekly says that Clint isn’t with his empty chair, because he’s with Dina’s boyfriend’s ex-wife. ESCANDALO (not really).

Dina has been friends with Scott Fisher, a basketball coach at the University of Hawaii, for 33 years. Scott was married to Erica Tomlinson-Fisher and they have two kids together. Erica and Scott divorced last year and after their marriage ended, she thought he was rubbing his parts all over Dina Eastwood. Erica called Clint in February to talk about Scott and Dina doing it. Since no peen-loving woman can resist the sound of Clint’s “always hocking up a loogie” voice, they hit it off and started dating. Clint’s dick has been making her day ever since. (Sorry, I deserve the GONG for that one, but it’s in the shop.) Clint was papped dropping Erica off at LAX the other day.

A source says that Dina wasn’t getting it on with Scott when Erica thought they were, but the two started casually dating right after Clint and Erica got together. When UsWeekly asked Dina about this, she only said, “I am saddened to see photos of Clint with Ms. Tomlinson-Fisher. I look forward to new beginnings.”

Those old sluts! How very Shania Twain of them. Switching pieces isn’t a bad idea, though. After 17 years of marriage, they probably got tired of waking up next to the same body and slurping on the same genitals, so they switched with their friends. It’s like a key party that lasts a really long time. It works for me. Now I just have to become best friends with Anderson Cooper and his man so that in 17 months (which is basically “17 years” in gay relationship time), we can swap!

Kristen Stewart’s Boyfriend Loves To Lick Her Armpits

September 7, 2012 / Posted by:

Why don’t you let that headline marinate deep within the crevices of your brain before we really get into it. By that I mean, keep a cup of bleach nearby, because you will want to cleanse the sucio thoughts from your brain by pouring Clorox directly into your ear before shaking your head around. I think the exact medical term is called brain gargling.

I see Kristen Stewart wiped off the scarlet A (short for A Sparkle-Hating Slut Whore Skank Harlot Slow-Faced Puta Trampire) the crazed Twihards scribbled on her forehead when she was passed out in a weed-induced coma of woe. KStew’s handlers flea dipped her, shoved her into a dress and told her to put on a damage control smile before they pushed her out onto the red carpet brick pathway to pose with Kiki Dunst and Garrett Hedlund at the TIFF premiere of On The Road. I know, you almost didn’t recognize KStew without Rupert Sanders’ face all up in her box. KStew rarely ever uses the lazy muscles in her face to crack a smile and now I know why. Because when ho smiles, she looks like she’s about to save Esmerelda from Frollo.

And wrap your fingers around a cup of bleach, because we’re getting into the fuckery behind that headline now. British Vogue’s Christa D’Souza interviewed KStew (click here for scans of that mess of an interview) a month before the pictures of her farting into Rupert’s crotch came out. A week after the interview, Christa ran into KStew at some event and had to keep the laughs from pouring out of her nostrils when KStew drooled out this line (via ONTD & iSubscribe):

“My God, I’m so in love with my boyfriend. I wish he were here now. I think I want to have his babies. I love the way he smells. And him me. Like, he loves to lick under my armpits.”

Either bitch was stoned as hell or she’s being sarcastic or a little of both. Whatever the case may be, I still didn’t need the image of a dude slurping up KStew’s pit syrup. Since KStew barely spends time in a shower, you know licking her pits is like munching on a hobo’s musty ass in the middle of a wet sauna. Like giving head to a wet fart. Just several layers of sweaty NO all on your tongue. I just want to rub a deodorant stick all over that quote to get the stank out. So fuck KStew for giving me that image, because I really didn’t need that today.

But since KStew had to go there, she needs to specify which boyfriend she was talking about. Because I need to know if RPattz’s new nickname is Pit Licker Pattinson or is Rupert Sanders’ new nickname Rupit Licker? Please clarify, you dirty bitch!

Assemblyman Michael Duvall Is One Horny Bitch

September 9, 2009 / Posted by:

I’m telling you, my ass is in the wrong business. The politics game is where the fun and fucking is. When you aren’t dropping it low to “The Halle Berry Song” or enjoying a dazzling tap dance performance by Larry Craig in the men’s restroom or smoking crack with Senator Jeff Sessions, you’re hearing all about Mike Duvall’s kinky antics with his mistress.

OCWeekly reports that right before the start of a committee hearing, California Assemblyman Mike Duvall gave the dude next to him the tingles (or the dry heaves) by talking about how his mistress wears “eye-patch underwear” and loves it when he spanks her nalgas. Mike didn’t know that the mic in front of him was hot, so it was all caught on tape. Note to self: Always stick a thermometer on a mic before talking about sex stuff.

The scandal in all of this is that not only is Mike married with two children, but his mistress is a lobbyist. Mike is also a “family values” advocate who was a staunch supporter of Prop 8.

And if that’s not entertaining enough, Mike said that after he had “a lot” of sex with his mistress on Wednesday, she told him: “I am going 
up and down the stairs, and you’re dripping out of me! So messy!” No, that wasn’t Mike’s dick milk dripping out of her. It was hypocrisy. MESSY!

P.S. – Why does it look like I’m watching a clip from 1986? Somebody get KCAL a new camera for Christmas.

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