All in all, it’s been a good year for punting longstanding, depressingly popular, reality-family freak shows off the air. Society finally managed to rid itself of the vapid, 20-season, shrieking shrew-fest that was KUWTK, and now we learned earlier this week that TLC has stepped up and shoved a rusty IUD and day-late, dollar-short condom on the busted Duggar birthing machine that was Counting On. The serial-birthing architects of this Quiverfull-driven empire, Jim Bob Duggar and his wife, Michelle Duggar, have now issued statements in response to the show’s cancellation.

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Even though she’s married to Derrick Dillard, Jill Duggar managed to earn herself the title of Most Sane Duggar (although, that’s not that hard to do) because she moved away from the rest of her family and started talking on YouTube about wild and wacky things like using condoms. Jill has now made headlines for telling everyone that she gave her dog years-old frozen leftover breast milk. I mean, okay, but she’s still looking pretty normal in comparison. Her brother has been charged with child porn though, so it’s a low bar.

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After Josh Duggar was arrested and charged with two counts of receiving and possessing child pornography that allegedly depicted children under 12, Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar quickly released a statement saying the accusations were serious, that they needed prayers, and they were hoping whatever the truth was, it would come to light. It definitely sounded like Josh’s enablers were being as diplomatic as possible while they figured out just how fucked he might be. Unlike mom and dad, Josh’s wife Anna Duggar isn’t making a pros and cons list. She’s decided to let everyone know that she believes her husband is 100% innocent and that she’s not going anywhere.

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It’s just like the old closing time saying: you don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here. Except in Josh Duggar’s case, it’s more like: your lawyer pulled the right strings to get you out of here, but there’s no way you’re going home because come on, you know what you were charged with. And that would be two counts of receiving and possessing child pornography. Josh has pleaded not guilty, but if convicted, he faces up to 20 years behind bars. He recently had a hearing about his case, and there’s no way to say this in a nice Christian way. It was revealed that he was in possession of some awful, sickening shit involving minor children. And as such, he can’t be around kids, which is pretty tough when your house is currently filled with half a dozen of them.

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Last night, we learned that Josh Duggar had been arrested in Arkansas, and was being held in federal custody. We didn’t know why at the time, and Michael K, who reported the news, threw out several guesses, like money laundering (which would be very on-brand for the Duggars), or child porn (which would be on-brand for Josh). Well, Josh Duggar has formally been charged with receiving and possessing child porn. Jill Duggar has probably never been more grateful that she stopped taking her family’s phone calls.

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Somewhere on a battered yoga mat amid pungent wafts of diaper fumes, Hilaria Baldwin is panic-crooning heavily accented words of jealousy over this news. The next sound you hear will be that of Alec Baldwin and his mighty peen dissolving into tears.

In the meantime, gross, sister-molesting lump of slug slime, Josh Duggar, 33, has taken a quick break from updating his profile on Ashley Madison to uphold his sacred Quiverfull duties and knock up his wife Anna Duggar, also 33, with the seventh tenant in her silently-screaming-for-mercy uterus hovel. And in case this sounds less than thrilled for the happy couple and their brewing bundle of joy, I’m just going by the distressed-hostage expression Anna always wears whenever Josh is around.

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