Somewhere on a battered yoga mat amid pungent wafts of diaper fumes, Hilaria Baldwin is panic-crooning heavily accented words of jealousy over this news. The next sound you hear will be that of Alec Baldwin and his mighty peen dissolving into tears.
In the meantime, gross, sister-molesting lump of slug slime, Josh Duggar, 33, has taken a quick break from updating his profile on Ashley Madison to uphold his sacred Quiverfull duties and knock up his wife Anna Duggar, also 33, with the seventh tenant in her silently-screaming-for-mercy uterus hovel. And in case this sounds less than thrilled for the happy couple and their brewing bundle of joy, I’m just going by the distressed-hostage expression Anna always wears whenever Josh is around.
According to E! Online:
Anna Duggar is pregnant with her and Josh Duggar’s seventh child, she announced via Instagram on Friday, April 23.
“It’s a GIRL!!!!!” Anna captioned a video of the couple getting showered with pink confetti as their kids ran towards them with excitement. “We are overjoyed to announce baby seven is on the way and we can’t wait to hold her in our arms this fall!”
Josh and Anna most recently welcomed a child, a baby girl they named Maryella Hope, in November 2019. Much like Josh’s parents—19 Kids and Counting stars Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar—the couple has stuck to a theme for their kids’ names.
Josh and Anna’s first child, Mackenzie, was born in 2009, followed by Michael, 9; Marcus, 7; Meredith, 5; Mason, 3; and Maryella; 17 months. Needless to say, we’d wager their next baby also comes home with a moniker that starts with “M.”
If they need a new “M” name for the new spawn, my vote is for MakeItAnalFromNowOn, but no one’s asking me. If you recall, there was a glimmer of hope for ever-pregnant Anna back in 2016, when it appeared that she was going to file for divorce from Josh’s molesting, side-piece-trolling, porn-star-sexing ass, but instead, she punctured our dreams of her freedom by standing by his conscience-void carcass while he did his requisite tour in rehab.
Fast-forward to 2020, she showed her bewildering devotion to him in an Instagram post that celebrated their 12th wedding anniversary and made mention of the two of them growing old together. Call me cynical, but that aging process will add nothing but Viagra to the current cast of side-piece fuckery.
All that said, here are Josh, Anna, and the kids frolicking in the fields and oozing glee and sweet anticipation as they count down to the arrival of their new daughter and sister. Not pictured: CPS sighing as they updated their Josh Duggar file.