Jim Bob And Michelle Duggar Aren’t Happy About The “Shiny Happy People: Duggar Family Secrets” Docuseries
The occasions for which Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar turn off their perma-creep-smiles are few and far between. The last time was probably when the law dared to hold their molesting, child pornography-possessing son, Josh Duggar, accountable for his despicable actions. But, a new Prime Video docuseries, Shiny Happy People: Duggar Family Secrets, came out today, and their daughter Jill Duggar and her husband Derick Dillard participated in it to speak out about the inner workings of the once clandestinely (but now obviously) sinister family and their extreme religious upbringing in the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP), in which women are basically seen as constantly reproducing skirted vaginas with a smile. Naturally, Jim Bob and Michelle aren’t thrilled about it and barfed out a syrupy-yet-disapproving statement.
Yesterday, Josh Duggar was convicted on two counts of downloading and possessing child sexual abuse materials. Josh hasn’t been sentenced yet, but he’s facing 20 years for each count. And now that their son is going away to prison, Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar released a statement about it. No, it’s not “We’re sorry we raised our first-born son to be a child predator.” But they sure do name-drop God a lot. When reached for comment, God said: “I don’t know her.”
Even though she’s married to Derrick Dillard, Jill Duggar managed to earn herself the title of Most Sane Duggar (although, that’s not that hard to do) because she moved away from the rest of her family and started talking on YouTube about wild and wacky things like using condoms. Jill has now made headlines for telling everyone that she gave her dog years-old frozen leftover breast milk. I mean, okay, but she’s still looking pretty normal in comparison. Her brother has been charged with child porn though, so it’s a low bar.
Okay but to be honest, wouldn’t we all do the same? Although our version of distance might be to move as far away from the sulfuric stench of Yellow Pocket Angels Eggs as possible. In Jill Duggar’s case, it just means not joining the rest of her 1.8 million brothers and sisters on television, in exchange for the freedom to just live her gosh-darn life how she wants to.
If you’re a middle-aged Christian mom who needs a little heat in the bedroom, you might have studied Michelle Duggar’s sex tips from a few years back. But if you’re a millennial Christian mom who needs a little help setting fire to your flannelette sheets, you might take a tip from her daughter, Jill Duggar Dillard. Much like her mom’s tips, these aren’t G-rated Sunday-safe tips like: “Set your lover’s libido ablaze with a hot Tater Tot Casserole pulled straight from the oven.” Jill wants you to keep your marriage hot by having sex as much as possible. Are you surprised? Look at her husband Derrick Dillard – how could you not keep your praying hands off a stud like that?
You must have done something pretty bad when the network that was seemingly A-OK with keeping the Duggars’ horrifying overpopulation cult around axes you. Either that or they realized that people were confusing their show with Fear The Walking Dead due to this guy’s appearance. TLC has announced they are no longer working with Jill Duggar Dillard’s husband Derick Dillard. Derick tweeted transphobic bullshit about transgender TLC star Jazz Jennings on multiple occasions so they finally did something right. (His Q-Rating must have already been “nil.“) Continue reading