Cue up the Barry Manilow and pop a bottle of strawberry shortcake-flavored sparkling wine! Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris’ unfrosted sugar cookie love was clearly stronger than some pussy problems and massage parlor drama, because they celebrated their 1st anniversary on Sunday. I can’t believe it either; it feels like just yesterday Taylor’s vise-grip arms wrapped themselves around Rita Ora’s leftovers.

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As of 10 days ago, Rob Kartrashian and Blac Chyna were bonding over their confusion of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter while looking at all the groceries Pimp Mama Kris’ minion bought for him. But yesterday, Webster’s was about to update the definition of “love” to read: IS A LIE, because People said that the failed sock mogul and the silicone Muppet had broken up. A source (Note: “A source” is Satan-talk for PMK) said that Rob and Blac Chyna had a huge fight, and he’s moved out of her house and is now living at the house his mommy bought for him in Calabasas, CA.

Everyone figured that the split was real, because Rob did the unthinkable by erasing all traces of Blac Chyna from his Instagram page and she threw up an Instagram post (which she deleted) that said, “When you just get out of a relationship & your hoe friend welcomes you back into the world of Hoe.” Everyone also probably screamed, “QUICK! Somebody throw Hershey’s syrup and Oreo cookie bits on Kim Kartrashian,” because we figured that Rob was going to eat his feelings. But last night, the meaning of love stepped away from the edge when Rob announced on Instagram that they’re still together.

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Watt watt in the butt. – Bridge Burner

Upvote winner:

Vidal Assoon – paylo

The full CAPTION THIS pic is apparently NSFW for some of your prude-ass jobs, so it’s behind the cut in all its blow job glory.

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Elvira Bach, German painter and a new addition to my list of personal style icons.

No German will ever come close to matching the glamour and beauty of the rhinestone-encrusted cholita Liberace named Harald Glööckler, but Elvira Bach has landed a place at the top of the list of Germans who have the ability to make retinas curl with their style. While going through photo agency websites yesterday, I nearly stopped, dropped and rolled when the fiery hot glamour of Elvira Bach slammed me in the face. The pictures that burned layers of glamour into my face were taken at a party in Berlin for a new book of her works.

Wikipedia tells me that Elvira Bach is a 64-year-old postmodernist painter who is known for her colorful portraits of women. Elvira Bach gets a zillion gold stars for her name alone. I mean, she shares a first name with the goddess of Halloween (and the goddess of Scarface) and her last name makes me thinks of Brach’s Neapolitan candies. I know her last name is technically “Bach,” but add an “r” and it becomes a delicious sweet treat. But Elvira Bach gets at least 99 zillion gold stars for the look she serves up. Elvira Bach doesn’t give one fuck and gives all the fucks at the same time. That’s a rare gift.

In some of the pics, she’s giving me young Ernest Borgnine in Frida Kahlo drag and in other pics she’s giving me storefront East Village fortune teller glamour. I know that normally I like an eyebrow situation that looks like it’s been tended to as meticulously as THE QUEEN’s garden, but I can also appreciate a wild jungle like what Elvira’s brows are giving me. Those brows are wild and free and I’m feeling all of it. I want to take a pill that miniaturizes me so I can run freely through her wild forest brows while howling into the air.

Elvira Bach is the kind of queen who looks like she’ll burn you in the face with her cigarette if you fuck with her and that is my type of queen. How do you say “bow down” in German?

Pics: Wenn.com

Bryan Cranston (60)
Hailey Clauson (21)
Abigail and Brittany Hensel (26)
Brandon T. Jackson (32)
Laura Prepon (36)
T.J. Thyne (41)
Jenna Fischer (42)
Dina Manzo (44)
Peter Sarsgaard (45)
Matthew Vaughn (45)
Rachel Weisz (46)
Cameron Daddo (51)
Bret Easton Ellis (52)
Wanda Sykes (52)
E.L. James (53)
Taylor Dane (54)
Donna Murphy (57)
Iris Chacón (66)
John Heard (71)
Michael Eisner (74)
Willard Scott (82)

Pic: GQ

Our Open Post host for this lovely Sunday is Gracie the dachshund. Gracie enjoys boat rides, the sun and calm waters. Gracie does not however enjoy dolphins that want to ruin her nice, placid day out! She sees that dolphin and it is game on. She’s ready to yank the wig off her. I totally get her though. Sunday is the Lord’s Day and that means it is for rest and contemplation, not disrupting water and scenic views with Flipper nonsense. Stay in your watery home, dolphin!

What I like best about this is Gracie’s human screaming after like you do at that friend at a bar. You don’t know if they’re about to smack a bitch down or if they’re going to sloppily approach the object of their desire.

Anyway, let’s all raise a glass to Gracie and her no-nonsense approach to life.

P.S. – Gracie is alive and well. That dolphin, however, is most likely still shaking with fear from almost getting the beat down from Gracie.

via Laughing Squid