Hot Slut Of The Day!
The dog who can meow (sort of) on command!
It’s Monday and you’re probably already all the way over it, so it’s kind of wrong for me to start off the week with a HSOTD that is a game changer and will switch up the future as we know it. We all pretty much know that in the near future, cats will be our overlords and we’ll be pussy slaves who will do whatever they want (read: We’ll feed them, be their scratching post of skin whenever they get in the mood to draw blood and entertain them by cleaning out their litter box as they cackle on the inside with glee from watching a human pick up their shit… Wait, so nothing will change, basically). Well, this video changes EVERYTHING.
A human uploaded this video of her pooch meowing on command. It happens for just a millisecond but this is some Rod Serling shit. If you have a cat, that cat is going to escape your house while you’re at work today to have an emergency meeting with the Pussy Federation over this new and disturbing development. Now that a dog can meow (sort of) on command, it’ll be able to learn the language of the cats and will be able to slip into a pussy suit and go undercover as a cat. I can’t wait for FX to do a spin-off of The Americans about this called The Felines.
The future just got a PLOT TWIST. See, I told you this was too much for your mind to take in on a Monday!
via Time
Birthday Sluts
Rachel Dratch (50)
Miko Hughes (30)
Drew Barrymore (41)
James Blunt (42)
Scott Phillips (43)
Lea Salonga (45)
Thomas Jane (47)
Clinton Kelly (47)
Hans Klok (47)
Jeri Ryan (48)
Mia Michaels (50)
Kyle MacLachlan (57)
Ellen Greene (65)
Julie Walters (66)
Julius Erving (66)
Jonathan Demme (72)
Marni Nixon (86)
James Hong (87)
Bruce Forsyth (88)
Open Post: Hosted By A Dog In A Cute Nightmare
It’s Sunday, which means I’m either hungover and spent my morning writing posts for you wonderful people in between gobbling down whatever questionable foods I bought while stumbling home last night. No matter what you eat during a hangover, though, you feel like this little guy here. Endlessly spinning past the unattainable dream of the perfect food to quench the burning desire in your vodka soaked stomach.
Whoever let this happen better have quit the foolery after this video was taken because I’m two seconds away from calling Animal and Child Services. YES. DOGS ARE CHILDREN TOO.
The Right Way To Go To The Movies, Courtesy Of Ludacris
The great philosopher, Dr. Abba, when speaking on the nature of the world and humanity, wrote,
Money, money, money
Must be funny
In the rich man’s world
Money, money, money
Always sunny
In the rich man’s world
Never do these insightful words ring more truthfully than when one takes a keen eye to the spending habits of rich celebs. What are they buying? Who are they buying it for? Would I buy that if I had their money? From matching Hummers to skin cream made of foreskin, the list is endless. Often times we roll our eyes at the sight of the lavish shit they buy, but sometimes, rarely, the dull hum of life makes way for an overwhelming “YES!” Such is the case before us today.
Ludacris posted this on Instagram:
Personally, I’m giving him 10s across the board. Who doesn’t want to rent out the entire theatre so they can be as messy and loud as possible? Imagine the possibilities: Set up a buffet. Yell at the screen. Undo the button on your pants because you’ve eaten too much. And don’t get me started on what a joy it would be to let rip those farts that always seem to only happen when you’re surrounded by strangers. The theatre would be my palace and the farts would be my kingdom!
(Note from Michael: Wait, unbuttoning your pants and farting while in a theater full of people is a no no? Is that why most of the theaters around me say to me, “Err, it’s you again, um, all of our showings our sold out forever,” when I try to buy tickets? It all makes sense now.)
Pics: Wenn.com, Instagram
American Artist Punches English Artist In The Name Of Art
Come… here. Wow! You’re getting so big! Who’s a big boy? You! You! Ok… Let’s put you in your seat… Click in… Ok. You want some pasta? Who wants pasta? No. Don’t throw it. We eat the pasta! Mmmmm! Tasty! No, Timmy. Please don’t throw it. Here comes the airp- Timmy! You’re making such a mess! NO! NO! STOP THROWING IT EVERYWHERE! TIMMY! TIMMY!
Annnnnndddddddd….. SCENE!
That is essentially what it’s like to me every time I see something about Shia LaBeouf. It all starts out normal or semi-normal or even fucking stupid but I’m like “ok, whatever” and then the shit just hits the fan really quickly and the switch goes from ‘ON’ to ‘WHY’. Never one to disappoint his fans – is that the word? is that correct in this context? – Shia LaBeouf turned the volume up from a LaBeouf 8 to a hard LaBeouf 12 during his latest performance art masterpiece nightmare hellscape. If you need a refresher, Michael described it all brilliantly in his review for Art in America.
Page Six reports that during Elevator: The Horror Show, Shia punched someone in the face for the sake of ART. A 29-year-old Oxford student waited for hours and hours to get in there with the thinking person’s Lady Gaga so he could ask him to punch him in the face for his own performance art project. Their exchange went like this:
Student: “I’m a performance artist. Can you help me with completion of my next piece by punching me in the face?”
Shia: “Oh man, you want me to punch you in the face? I don’t want to punch you very hard!”
Student: “Don’t be a pussy!”
Artist: “I don’t like doing it though…I just met you.”
The doors soon close and we don’t actually get to see Shia give it to him good, sadly, but the punch can heard. More importantly, the punch can be felt! The high stakes at play here for Shia and this student can be felt! ART makes one feel and that is what Shia does – he feels to make us feel because without feel there is no art and without art there is no Even Stevens: The Movie!
Pics: Wenn.com
Rebel Wilson’s Life Threatened By Children
I believe in really loving the things you love. Going all the way for something you’re a fan of, you know? I also love things that make me seethe with rage because it means it’s gotten a response for me. But I have zero patience for the mess that is pre-teen, tween, teen, whatever the hell they’re called messiness when it comes to their rabid delusions. No, dear, you’re not married to that pop star and he hasn’t seen your latest declaration of love on his Instagram. Go outside! Play with a stick! Look at the birds!
Rebel Wilson said on Friday’s episode of Ellen (via E!) that after she was on the show in November with One Direction, she felt the full wrath of their toddler fans. On the show, she did a little bit where she super-fanned out, wearing a sweatshirt with them all over it and getting a little physical with Harry Styles. Well, that didn’t go down well with the 7-12 demographic.
“Basically, I got accused of sexually assaulting Harry Styles. These little girls, I think they’re about 12, very, very unhappy with that. Basically we’re just like two professional entertainers having a good time and he really enjoyed it, like…and I told him that on Twitter and then they just sent me more death threats. They get very, um, like they love them and they think they’re going to be with them and I’m like, ‘Well, but you guys never, like, are with them.'”
The child armies behind today’s Tiger Beat hos is the stuff of nightmares. Mindless little creatures who live off of Instagram, Go-Gurt and Silly Bandz. My question in all of this is where are the parents? WHERE ARE THE PARENTS?! If I found out my little one was sending death threats to grown ass people on TV and in movies because they joked around with someone I’d take their phone away quicker than they could say “I‘M GONNA KILL MYSELF AND RUN AWAY!” Childhood is for playground pettiness, but let’s keep it in the playground, ok?
Pic: Warner Bros.