The Yeezy Season 4 Show Was A Piping Hot Disaster
And yes, it was an even bigger disaster than Kylie Jenner’s bleached mop, which makes her look like KimBot 2.0.
Don’t ever try out to be a model in one of Kanye West’s fashion shows. You’ve probably made that mental note already, but make it again. Because you do not want Kim Kartrashian’s rubber alien mask face to be the last thing you see before you die of heatstroke. Kanye’s Yeezy season 4 show was held on Roosevelt Island in NYC today, and just like last season’s show, he had a bunch of models standing around for a long time. But since they were outside for hours and it was over 85 degrees in NYC today, some couldn’t take the heat and did what Pimp Mama Kris does when one of her hos jokes about hating fame: they passed out.
Ryan Lochte Got A 10-Month Suspension For The Lies He Told In Rio
When the submarine missile with a six-pack named Michael Phelps got his second DUI in 2014, he got suspended from competitive swimming for 6 months. But well, since Ryan Lochte’s name is not Michael Phelps and he isn’t the golden boy dolphin of U.S. swimming, he got hit with a longer suspension for the gas station robbery he lied about (or “over-exaggerated” about) in Rio. What’s really ice cold is that the U.S. Olympic Committee, the International Olympic Committee and USA Swimming suspended Ryan for 10 months and he can’t even count that high.
Calvin Harris Is Still Talking About Taylor Swift
I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before Taylor Swift’s latest ex-boyfriend taps on the mic and starts talking about what it was like to date America’s Girlfriend. But until then, we’ll have to settle for hearing about it from the previous title holder. Calvin Harris is on the cover of this month’s issue of British GQ. GQ posted a couple of quotes from Calvin’s interview online, and they clearly know the road to page views isn’t paved with his thoughts on classy aftershave or whatever else they talk about in GQ. It’s all about Taylor. “Of course it is! It always is!” chirped Taylor Swift as she scrolled through her Google alerts this morning.
Open Post: Hosted By Apple’s Headphone Jack-Killing AirPods
Tears are trickling out of millions of checking accounts today, because money-hungry Apple announced the new products that will milk all of the cash out of them. Apple butt burped up its new Apple Watch, headphone jack-less iPhone 7 and wireless “AirPods.” (They knew better than to call it AirBuds, because there’s only one AirBud who matters.)
The new iPhone is water-resistant, so now us dudes don’t have to worry about dropping it into the toilet as we scroll through Grindr while pissing. The iPhone 7 Plus has two cameras and both versions have one less hole. It was rumored a while ago that Apple decided that the iPhone 7 should be “jack off,” and they confirmed that mess today. When you want to listen to shit on your phone, you have to either use your own Bluetooth headphones or their new $159 wireless AirPods. Those overpriced AirPods look like a cross between futuristic Barbie hairdryers and robot vibrators, so I should be into them, but I’m not. I am not looking forward to some crazy mess losing it on a plane and making everyone in their section move because they lost their AirPods.
Yes, Apple is evil, but at least they threw in something for those of us who don’t want to mess with those dumb AirPods. Every new iPhone will have an adapter for wired headphones. That’s good, because one of my favorite pleasures in life is saying out loud, “Oh yeah, baby, stick the tip in, slow at first, but then shove it in… You know how I like it,” while plugging in my headphones.
And can trade your good kidney for a new iPhone 7 on September 16th, which is when they’ll be available. So yeah, expect your current iPhone to suddenly break on September 15th. I see you, Tim Cook!
Amy Schumer’s Book Might Be A Financial Flop
About a year ago, Simon & Schuster threw a $9 million advance at Amy Schumer and told her to get writing. If $9 million seems like a lot of money for a book of essays written by a funny (depending who you ask) lady, it is. $9 million is a lot more than the $6 million Tina Fey got for writing Bossypants or the $3.7 million Lena Dunham got for Oh Shit, We Should Have Proofread This. Simon & Schuster were probably hoping that everyone was going to rush Black Friday-style to their nearest Barnes & Noble to buy Amy’s memoir, The Girl With the Lower Back Tattoo, and help them make back some of that $9 million they spent. But according to Page Six, that isn’t happening.
Add “Superhero Movies” And “Spandex” To The List Of Things That Mad Mel Hates
“Michael, if this is a post about Mad Mel, why did you use a picture of a homeless hobo who screams at the pigeons in the park and once got arrested for fucking a half-eaten hot dog bun he found in the trash?” – you
Mel Gibson’s “directorial comeback movie” Hacksaw Ridge screened at the Venice Film Festival over the weekend and the audience loved it so much that they gave it a 10 minute standing ovation. The producers must have installed retractable spikes in every seat, because that’s the only reason I can come up with for why those tricks didn’t sit down for 10 minutes! Or maybe the producers dangled exact rubber replicas of Jon Hamm’s Hammaconda above the audience and they all spent 10 minutes trying to catch that goodness with their mouths? That must be it.
While promoting Hacksaw Ridge, Mel said that superhero movies aren’t his thing, which is funny since he looks like the Maestro Hulk. During a press conference at the Venice Film Festival, Mel said that the difference between real superheroes and comic book superheroes is that real superheroes don’t “wear Spandex.” Mad Mel continued to trash talk superhero movies (and Spandex) in a looooooooooooooooong interview with Deadline.