If you’ve been spreading BenGay’s eye-safe formula on your eyeballs to soothe them from the excessive rolling they did last week, then you most likely read Lena Dunham’s conversation with Amy Schumer for her newsletter. That conversation was filled with many bitter ass dingles, but the bitter ass dingle that got the most attention was the one that Lena spit out about this year’s Met Gala. Lena sat next to New York Giants wide receiver Odell Beckham Jr. at the Met Gala and when he didn’t talk to her or give her one drop of attention, she assumed that he was disgusted by her body, didn’t want to fuck her and was trying to figure out if she was “a marshmallow,” “a child” or “a dog.” Lena seemed to think that if a stranger dude doesn’t talk to her or make eye contact with her, he’s obviously a misogynistic gutter pig who doesn’t want to suffer through the pain of trying to keep the wet heaves down while looking at her gross body as they talk.

Lena later put out an apology where she said that she was projecting her own insecurities. Odell didn’t ever release a statement or put anything on his Instagram about it, but reporters asked him about it the past couple of days. The recipe for Odell’s answer had a dash of Mariah Carey’s “I don’t know her” and a cup of “Who Cares? So What?”

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Living room-temperature bottle of Evian Gwyneth Paltrow recently wrote an essay about being a successful business person for LinkedIn. Gwyneth Paltrow started out as “actress Gwyneth Paltrow“, then in 2008 turned into “actress with an online vanity project Gwyneth Paltrow.” But it sounds like she wants to be known as just “rich lady who runs goop.com” now.

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Mother Earth was relieved to discover that she wasn’t going to be a mother again quite yet. – Nemo

Upvote winner:

The Mensessippi – portapetey

Pic: @ABC

The stunning bronze anus that sat next to Andy Cohen during The Real Housewives of New York City reunion! 

The Real DrunkMesses of New York City reunion shows seem to go on longer than the damn series itself, but at least this time around, Andy Cohen brought along a sparkling sidekick to distract our eyeballs when we need a break from all of the insane fuckery. Andy Cohen is so rich that he probably shits fine metals, so that blow-up bronze butt flower could be a sculpture of his own opulent b-hole. Who knows, but I do know that exquisitely-crafted bronze anus should become a regular fixture at all Housewives reunions, because it is the butthole of reason. If you watch the reunions while drunk (and there’s really no other way) and stare at that bronze asshole, you can practically hear it say, “I’m the anus here and all of you messes are spewing more shit than I am.”

And when you’ve got Bethenny Frankel and Countess LuAnn in the room with you, it’s hard to be the biggest asshole, but that gorgeous bronze anus managed to do it. Okay, it still wasn’t the biggest asshole in the room, but it definitely was the most gorgeous.

(Thanks, Brian!)

David Arquette (45)
Cameron Dallas (22)
Naomi Smalls (23)
Avicii (27)
Wiz Khalifa (29)
Jonathan Taylor Thomas (35)
Pink (37)
Nate Corddry (39)
Larenz Tate (41)
Kennedy (44)
Brooke Burke Charvet (45)
Martin Freeman (45)
Neko Case (46)
Rachel Hunter (47)
Kimberly Pierce (49)
Thomas Kretschmann (54)
Aimee Mann (56)
Heather Thomas (59)
Bernie Sanders (75)

Pic: Los Angeles Times

Bella Hadid was named Model of the Year at the GQ Awards in London last night, and she was so happy she could shit herself. Can’t you tell? That’s her happy face, and it’s also her sad face, and her confused face, and her angry face, and her constipated face, and her excited face, etc… etc…   – Popoholic

I would like Natalie Portman’s dress a lot more if Mrs. Roper was wearing it – Lainey Gossip

Lindsay Lohan is still on vacation – Drunken Stepfather

Dear The Rock, I can’t smell what you’re cooking, but I can smell what your baby’s butt cooked up – Celebitchy

Even Bob’s Discount Furniture wants nothing to do with the Duggars – The Superficial 

If you watch the Real DrunkWives of New York City, there’s a good chance you won’t hear the line “Because I’m Asian, did you know that?” at all next season – Reality Tea 

That eyebrow situation makes the angels faint, so I’ll forgive this glamorous rose for wearing that grandma bun in his senior yearbook photo – Towleroad

If your day is not complete unless you see a tiny sliver of Bella Thorne’s nipple plate, here you go – The Nip Slip 

Future decided it would be a really good idea to leave millions of dollars worth of jewelry on Drake’s bus, and of course it got jacked. It’s stories like these that make Lindsay Lohan wish she was a part of Future’s entourage – IDLYITW

When Brit Brit Spears and Ellen DeGeneres went to the mall – OMG Blog

In “fuck me gently with a chainsaw” news, that Heathers TV series that absolutely nobody asked for got a pilot order – Jezebel

Christie Brinkley looks hot: part 4,512,934 – Hollywood Tuna 

Kanye and Drake are doing an album together – Starcasm

Patrick Dempsey says that one of the keys to fixing your marriage is lots of sex. He didn’t specify if you have lots of sex with others or with your spouse – Just Jared

Bjork is a Drag Race fangirl – Popsugar

Pic: Wenn.com