The Conscientious Cat Who Gifted Their Family With A Very Special Christmas Present!

Tis the season of (going broke while) giving, and the spirit of generosity is so powerful that it’s even affected cats! Around this time, the only thing a cat wants to give humans is a headache by body slamming into the Christmas tree Kiefer Sutherland-style. But one cat was in the giving mood and gifted their family with a special present that they left under the tree. And the present made the cat’s humans shriek. No, they were not shrieking with glee. They were shrieking with fucking terror because their cat left an alive venomous snake under the Christmas tree.

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Right now, Yolanda Hadid may be furiously trying to leak another story about 48-year-old Leonardo DiCatchAHo and her 27-year-old daughter Gigi Hadid because he’s been spotted “getting cozy” with another model. And not only is this model/actress 23 years old (cut to The Pussy Posse letting out a douche-infused sigh of relief over their leader possibly leaving his GILF phase), but she’s a member of royalty too. Last night, Leonardo partied and left the club with model Victoria Lamas, the royal kin of THEE Empress of Lucite, Shauna Sand, and Lorenzo Lamas. Honestly, I really hope this is a hit-it-and-quit-it situation for Victoria because the Empress of Lucite really doesn’t need to deal with her daughter bringing home a filthy commoner!  – Gawker

After Elon Musk’s Twitter poll showed that users want his ass out as CEO, he said that he’ll “resign as CEO as soon as I find someone foolish enough to take the job,” and then he’ll “run the software & servers teams.” Why do I have a feeling that Elon Musk’s “replacement CEO” will be a man named Melon Tusk (aka Elon Musk in a Groucho glasses disguise)? – Celebitchy

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John Mayer claims that he hasn’t really dated since getting sober six years ago. He revealed this very important information on Call Me Daddy, a podcast hosted by Alex Cooper. 45-year-old John tells Alex that, without alcohol as a crutch, he lacks the “liquid courage” to go on dates. So that seemingly romantic four-hour dinner he shared with Kiernan Shipka last month? The one at the Italian restaurant, where John was spotted serenading 23-year-old Kiernan? That shit was probably platonic. Well, hopefully. John’s exact wording was “I don’t really date.” And that’s a helluva lot weaker than: “I never ever date, especially not female celebrities of the Gen-Z variety.”

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Scary news out of California: there’s a cat burglar on the loose! The fugitive, a grey British shorthair, goes by the name Anna. Anna’s modus operandi is stealing all the bras. But Anna doesn’t see it as theft. She sees it as… re-gifting. She takes the bras from her humans’ bedrooms, and delivers it to them in other parts of the house. “Here, put this on. Your tits are down to your knees.”

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When you’re as rich as Oprah Winfrey, you tend to forget that purchasing diamond-encrusted toothpicks for your favorite folks during the holidays isn’t necessarily a normal thing. And while hiding her eyes behind a pair of sunglasses that probably cost more than what we have in our savings accounts she was reminded of this fact after a video went viral on Tik Tok when TMZ’s Colin Drummond asked what gift he should give his ailing mother. Oprah countered with a gift that was in the $100 range, and when Colin informed her that was too much, the look of horror on her face basically screamed, “If you ain’t got no money take your broke ass HOME!”

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