Christina Aguilera has found a side hustle since the popstar game is going the way of 2-minute streaming songs and Las Vegas residencies, and Xtina already did the residency. Luckily for us, she isn’t releasing another cosmetics line for us to have to sit through but she is shilling something cosmetic: injectables! Yup, it’s time to hawk filler to the people for money!

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Kourtney Kardashian’s still peddling her stank koochie gummy vitamins despite experts advising everyone to do the opposite of taking Kourtney Kardashian’s stank koochie vitamins. Yesterday, she shared a behind-the-scenes photo of herself from the unconvincing frothy yellow pussy-themed promotion for the “Lemme Purr Vaginal Health Gummies,” and someone in the comments asked if she was pregnant. Kourtney wasn’t having it, though, and (very slowly, I assume) hit back at the commenter to say her appearance was due to the after-effects of IVF and to gently scold them for asking a woman about being pregnant.

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Potomac’s resident Gollum, Michael Darby, has returned, and he wants his precious back, and by precious, we don’t mean a ring or his soon-to-be ex-wife Ashley Darby; we mean his public image. Michael Darby, known for being a slimeball, cheater, and alleged groper, is suing Candiace-Dillard Bassett for $2 million over allegations she made about his sex life in an episode from this current season of The Real Housewives of Potomac. Doesn’t this man have better things to do? Like seizing a ring from a hobbit?

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Pour out your bong water for Kevin Smith’s break-up with weed. Kevin wrote on Instagram that he put down the blunt for good five weeks ago, and he’s now more present in the head than he has been in a decade. So Kevin’s stoner life days are behind him, and he’s not going back. I would say that this news should make the entire good shit industry crumble into a pile of weed ash, but they’ve still got Snoop Dogg, Willie Nelson, and Seth Rogen. But if Kevin ever publicly announces that he’s done with wearing jorts and half-moon forehead windows (aka backward caps), the jorts and cap industry would never survive! – Pajiba

As Riley Keough does press for the Daisy Jones & The Six series, her publicist is apparently telling journalists to keep their mouths shut when it comes to her memaw Priscilla Presley’s legal fight against her over her late mother Lisa Marie Presley’s estate. Makes sense since that whole thing is a sad mess and a legal situation that’s still going on. But Riley’s publicist should also warn journalists that if they do bring it up, they’ll be punished by having to listen to Austin Butler once again explain his “process” of playing Elvis – Celebitchy

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Two weeks ago on Valentine’s Day, McDonald’s started selling the Cardi B and Offset Meal in honor of, you guessed it, Cardi B and Offset. Together, the couple is shilling this meal bundle, which allegedly includes their favorite Mickey D’s menu items. I say “allegedly” because my go-to McDonald’s meal is so disgusting, so shameful, so incredibly sauce-filled, that I would totally make up a fake one for the promotion. Anywho, McDonald’s is promoting the bundle as a special date night meal. But, according to The Wall Street Journal (via The Takeout), some McDonald’s franchisees don’t want to promote it. They seem to believe that Cardi and Offset’s “lyrics and lifestyle” don’t reflect “the company’s values.” Wait… so strip club brawls, wet ass pussies, and serial cheating is considered worse than the Hamburglar? A wanted criminal addicted to hamburglary?? Continue reading