After what seemed like a year of Mel B saying over and over and over again that the Spice Girls will reunite, it seems that they finally caved and said: “Okay bitch, fine, Jesus–stop visiting me at work, fuck.” Well, all of them except for Posh. Try not to piss in your little black Gucci dress out of shock over that news.
Four of the Spice Girls announced their upcoming 2019 UK Tour via Twitter this morning. The reunion will see Scary join her Spice Girls (now Spice Women) Emma Bunton, Geri Halliwell, and Melanie Chisholm. Missing out is Victoria Beckham who we’ve known for a while has been about as interested in going out on tour with the Spice Girls as she is in having a molten lava enema.
The six-date concert tour kicks off in June next year with tickets going on sale Saturday. Here’s the girls announcing their reunion:
— Spice Girls (@spicegirls) November 5, 2018
Despite all of Mel B’s intense targeted marketing tactics, Posh declined to join the girls on tour because she is just way too busy with her fashion line or something. Posh did put out a statement saying she was excited for them, though:
“Being in the Spice Girls was a hugely important part of my life, and I wish my girls so much love and fun as they go back on tour… I know they will put on an amazing show and the fantastic fans past and present are going to have a wonderful time!”
Wow did she put out a statement with an exclamation mark? That’s hella emotional output for Miss Victoria. Next she’ll use an emoji!
The last tour the girls went on was back in 2008 when one of my best friends skipped the concert so she could perform in our high school play. I have never forgiven her. The girls also reunited in 2012 for the Summer Olympics in London.
I, for one, am highly excited for this tour. You know who isn’t? Posh. Despite what her statement says, I know she’s dreading when these girls get back out on the road. Mel B is going to be constantly SnapChatting her pictures of the girls having fun being like: “Miss us? Come join us! There’s still time! I’ll buy you a ticket! Do you need me to buy you a ticket?!” Shoulda done the six-date tour Victoria, now you’ll never hear the end of it.