It’s a good thing Chris Rock told the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences to talk to the hand when they offered him the job of hosting the 2023 Oscars because based on his propensity for telling unfunny, half-baked “jokes” based on 30 year-old-references, Chris might find himself talking to an array of hands throughout the evening, making for the slappiest Oscars ceremony since 2022 (prior to that it was in 1988 when Cher won Best Actress for slapping Nic Cage in Moonstruck). Chris found himself the target of many a spiritual slap when he took the opportunity to make a crack about the brutal 1994 murder of Nicole Brown Simpson during a comedy set in Phoenix over the weekend. Chris quipped that the Academy asking him to come back and host the Oscars would be like asking Nicole to go back to the restaurant where she left her sunglasses before she and Ron Goldman were murdered by a mystery man with teeny tiny hands. Nobody found that shit funny, least of all Nicole’s sister Tanya Brown who, spiritually of course, told Chris to get her sister’s damn name out his mouth before someone slaps it out for him, spiritually of course.
Depending on where you stand on the 1995 trial of the century verdict, you might be the type of person who thought O.J. Simpson got away with murder. You can probably guess which side Fred Goldman, father of murder victim Ron Goldman, falls into on that subject. But Fred might also suggest that that’s not the only thing O.J. Simpson has gotten away with. He’s also guilty of highway robbery! Not technically, of course (unless CNN is currently reporting on O.J. Simpson ripping off vehicles along the I-75 in Florida). In 1997, the families of the victims of the 1994 double murder of Ron and Nicole Brown Simpson filed a civil suit against O.J., and a court awarded the families a $33.5 million wrongful death judgment. That was 25 years ago, and Fred is still wondering where his money is. And he claims that with interest, the number is actually closer to $96 million now.
Nicole Brown Simpson’s Sister Thought Kim Kardashian’s “Saturday Night Live” Monologue Jokes About OJ Simpson Were Gross
As Michael K wrote a few days ago, Kim Kardashian hosted Saturday Night Live for the first time. Kim had a challenging task ahead of her: trying to remember what day and time the show aired. No! It was to tell the jokes that were written for her with enough success that people wouldn’t be writing the next day about how Kim bombed as a host. But while some found Kim boring, and others were mildly amused by watching Kim read cue cards, some were offended. Kim referenced OJ Simpson for laughs in two separate sketches, which didn’t sit well with the late Nicole Brown Simpson’s sister Tanya Brown.
Caitlyn Jenner was married to Kris Jenner during the O.J. Simpson scandal when O.J. was tried for the murder of his ex-wife, Nicole Brown, and was acquitted. As such, Cait has info on what went down during and after the trial. And because she’s on a reality show where she’s got nothing to do but spill secrets in hopes of getting maximum camera time, Caitlyn talked about the O.J. trial and dropped her thoughts on and also what a young Kourtney Kardashian told her after O.J. was cleared of the murders.
Can you defame the character of a man that most people think got away with murder? Because O.J. Simpson is claiming that after a Las Vegas casino banned him for being allegedly drunk and belligerent, he was defamed. Like, does he think people think less of him for being a drunk mess? That is not the worst thing about you.
Because we needed further evidence that this is truly the worst possible human timeline or we’re all actually just trapped in a Hell-dimension life-simulator, O.J. Simpson is now on Twitter and he’s putting it to use. O.J. threatened to use Twitter to “get even”, but he’s started with a sort of bland confession.
O.J. decided his first move was going to be “getting even” about the Kris Jenner thing. O.J. denies that they fucked in the hot tub years ago. And you know what else he’s saying ain’t true? Khloé Kardashian is not his kid! Not even O.J. Simpson wants to be associated with the Kardashians.