Anyone who has seen her in Big Little Lies, her on the red carpet, or her in this magazine shoot knows Nicole Kidman enjoys a good wig from time to time. Well, I guess Nicole thought she had been pulling the wig, er, wool over our eyes all this time because she did NOT like it when someone asked her to rank her wig choices during a Q&A at the Toronto International Film Festival. She was there to promote Destroyer, a movie where she plays a traumatized cop who expresses such with scowls and a grayed-out That Girl wig (above). When a reporter asked her to rank her wigs, she poo-poohed that.
When Keith Urban was part-judge, part-referee during the delightful Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey season of American Idol, his scruffy appearance did seem a little like the guy begging for spare change outside the 7-11 at the end of my block compared to the wig-and-sequin extravaganza elsewhere at that judging desk. Well, fast forward several years, and a Good Samaritan in New Jersey must still think this because she mistook Keith for a drifter and paid for his food at a WaWa – and they say good manners only exist in the South! Continue reading
Every former Miss Kentucky that works at Fox News has most definitely been taking bets in the break room over what “LIBERAL ELITE MOONBAT HOLLYWOOD CELEBRITY!” would play her in the upcoming movie about the women of Fox News and how they dealt with Roger Ailes. While I still think Snooki should play Kimberly Guilfoyle (no offense, Snook), we at least know who two Fox alums will be portrayed by. Y’all already knew that Charlize Theron has been rehearsing “Santa is white…get over it” for a while now to get into her part as Megyn Kelly, but now you’ll get to see Nicole Kidman at Gretchen Carlson because, um, I guess if you have glaucoma, those two look alike?
The other day, Nicole Kidman got an unwanted guest in the form of a tiny, scary creature with beady eyes. It wasn’t Tom Cruise. It was a tarantula who made its way into her backyard, causing her children to age about 60 years (they’re currently baby abuelitas and relaxing from the trauma in their cabanas at Shady Pines). Nicole posted a video on Instagram of one of her daughters screaming, “GET BACK!”, as she took on the hairy terror. Nicole’s daughter screaming “GET BACK!” is the ringtone I’m going to use with people whose call I don’t want to answer. Strangely enough, “GET BACK!”, is also what Nicole’s assistant screams at her every time “The Ex” comes up on her phone’s caller ID.
Even though Nicole’s daughters were dramatically freaking out, she kept calm and caught the tarantula. Of course Nicole is an expert spider catcher. Back in the day, she’d catch a tarantula with her bare hands and force it to bite into her forehead. Tarantula venom is totally nature’s Botox.
But really, Nicole has probably touched John Travolta’s wild wig, and she’s definitely seen many a Scientologist sloppily eat Tom Cruise’s ass (and I mean that both figuratively and literally), so a little tarantula ain’t shit to her. And how she caught the tarantula is the same way she used to deal with Tommy when they were married. Every time Tommy threw a fit that annoyed her, she’d put a little cup over him and refuse to let him out until he calmed down. So really, Nicole has Tommy to thank for catching that tarantula.
Because “Mission: Impossible – Fallout” Ain’t Gonna Promote Itself, People Did A Profile On Tom Cruise
Most of us around here spend our time snickering and making Tom Cruise Scientology bathhouse jokes, but I guess the powers at People don’t see David Miscavige’s favorite minion ever giving up the Mission: Impossible gig – and an exclusive is an exclusive – so they decided to give the staff a vacation and let Tom’s team write a cover story about “private details” that really are just a giant fap fest/nothing burger of how he’s a good guy who keeps to himself. Continue reading
I must have had a lobotomy in the last decade because somehow Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman have been married since 2006 – longer than her marriage to Tom Cruise! A lesser person would give Nicole a gold medal for the beard Olympics, but not me! I’m gonna give a golf clap considering that marriage has lasted through better or worse, sickness and health, Big Little Lies and Grace Of Monaco – not to mention some funky clapping! Alas, Nicole says don’t blame the longevity of her marriage on the strength of their vows. Blame it on an embargo on iMessage! Continue reading