Warner Bros. Is Reportedly “Freaking Out” Over What The Johnny Depp Abuse Allegations Will Do To “Fantastic Beasts 3”
Page Six is saying that Warner Bros. is freaking the fuck out over recent allegations Amber Heard has made against her ex, Johnny Depp. They are worried! What will people think of them for working with an alleged domestic abuser? What will paying Harry Potter viewers think? What will their female employees think of them? What about the box office dollars?! It’s all hand-on-deck over at Warner Bros. and they are scrambling to come up with a solution.
Nick Jonas, and now Chris Hemsworth, I guess, need to step up their gay baiting antics if they want to keep up with master gay baiter J.K. Rowling who has been trolling fans with man wizard-on-man wizard action for over a decade. J.K. said in 2007 that Dumbledore is gay. And while promoting their movie Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald last year, both Jude Law (who plays young Dumbledore) and Ezra Miller talked about the gayness of Dumbledore with Ezra saying that the movie makes his sexuality explicitly clear because he sees his secret lovah Grindewald (played by Johnny Depp in lazy Billy Idol cosplay) in a mirror (????). And now J.K Rowling is here to troll us some more by saying in so many words that Dumbledore has definitely grinded his dick against Grindewald’s brown sugar walls before.
Harry Potter fans just can’t let the series rest, and as long as author J.K. Rowling is alive, they will harass her for any scrap of wizarding info she can throw down their thirsty muggle throats. On the Harry Potter fan site Pottermore, fans got a bit more than they bargained yesterday, on National Trivia Day, when it was revealed that before Hogwarts had plumbing, wizards used to shit and pee wherever they were standing and then vanish the evidence with magic. 99% of Harry Potter fans are disgusted by this news. The other 1% just started their own special Harry Potter fan site for wannabe wizard nerds that are also into anachronistic poop play. Continue reading
J.K. Rowling previously informed the world that Dumbledore from Harry Potter is gay, and we should have known from the time he asked Snape to have all the third years whip up a batch of Back Door Lube in Potions class. OK, fine, that didn’t actually happen, but someone should really use that to write a fan fiction. Before any sticks in the mud could say, “Merlin’s beard, I’m ANGRY!” there was talk that the upcoming Fantastic Beasts sequel would simply allude to Dumbledore being into the D. The trailer later confirmed this. Ezra Miller, who plays Credence Barebone (teehee), says that ain’t true, and the movie makes it VERY evident Dumbledore spent many a-night at the Eagle in Diagon Alley.
Two years ago, there was some Harry Potter-adjacent casting news that made people almost flip their shit as hard as they did when they cast a black Hermione in Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. Except this uproar was just a bit more justified. It involved Johnny Depp, the Fantastic Beasts series, and the ongoing abuse allegations. Johnny is finally talking about that time.
Most people remember where they were when they found out who shot J.R. on Dallas, but my queen self will always remember the day J.K. Rowling was that shit-stirring friend who went on Twitter and was all, “By the by…Dumbledore is gay” and went about her merry way as though she figured it was something we had known about all these years. Initially people were a little surprised, but then we all thought about it and a dude who wanders around an opulent castle with a silver Merlin beard in robes and half-moon glasses definitely performs well on Scruff. The trailer for the latest Harry Potter origin story, Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald, dropped, and they kinda (if you squint really hard and press pause) show when Dumbledore may have first started thinking about the D.