The definition of snake oil may come with a picture of Gwyneth Paltrow scooping her Oscar for Shakespeare In Love, but that doesn’t make her laugh any less when she peeks at the numbers jade vagina eggs have generated for her bank account. Gwyn is make the press rounds to show how much of a business woman she is these days, and her latest sit-down is honestly a greatest hits of her wackadoo-ness, like “conscious uncoupling” and her trying to claim she made yoga happen (more on that later). Alas, while the world is apparently getting taken over by Amazon, there’s one person Jeff Bezos ain’t calling – and that’s GP.
Pardon me while I check the sky for organic, hormone-free hand-fed flying pigs. Because surely there’s been a mistake here. Goop.com selling something not tied to any sort of bogus pseudo-scientific wellness claim? It’s true!
I don’t know for sure that Thanksgiving with Gwyneth Paltrow involves a wine that goes well with boiled kale stems (although I’m sure that’s totally on the table), but thanks to People, we know that it allegedly involved dinner with her new husband, as well as her ex-husband and his girlfriend. Sources say that Gwyneth, Brad Falchuk, Chris Martin, and Dakota Johnson, as well as Gywneth and Chris’ kids, Apple and Moses, all joined together for Thanksgiving dinner this year.
Sales of potentially dangerous jade genital eggs on GOOP must be at an all-time low, because Gwyneth Paltrow is commenting on Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin’s social media behavior. That’s one way to get some press and maybe stir up sales of overpriced elitist crap. But she’s barking up the wrong social media account. The kids that follow these two can’t afford to spend $795 on a sweater! According to tooFab, Goopy is in agreement with many of us who feel that Terror Toddler and his wife are sharing too much on social media. It’s just that it’s Gwyneth and, speaking of oversharing, didn’t she share her tips for steam-pressing your vagina? Next!
For the past ten years, Gwyneth Paltrow has run a multi-million dollar business, and she’s clearly got a formula that works: find any existing product, get creative with the medical claims, then watch gullible rich ladies spend too much money on it. You’d think investors would be banging down her door to get in on the action. But according to Gywneth, she’s practically had to beg for Goop.com investments, and it’s all because she’s famous.
Gwyneth Paltrow is back to show you how you are just not living up to your true potential. This time Gwyneth and co. are taking on their next big nemesis: Menopause.
People reports that Gwyneth is on a mission to “rebrand” menopause for women. 46-year-old Goopy revealed that she is in perimenopause, a period which begins several years before menopause when a woman’s ovaries are starting to make less and less estrogen. Surprisingly, Gwyneth doesn’t say that using a super power combination of cooch steaming and a vagina egg will cause women to produce estrogen again, but she is selling something. Continue reading