As if losing an hour of sleep for daylight savings time wasn’t the most INSUFFERABLE thing about this day already, Saturday Night Live just went and made the weekend worse with their GOOP parody on Weekend Update. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that they brought Gwyneth Paltrow on as a surprise guest to make fun of her to her face yet failed by pulling back on all of their punches, or that they failed to offer a mock PSA on the benefits of steaming one’s vagina while simultaneously boiling water for making organic zucchini spaghetti. Major missed opportunity.
Gwyneth Paltrow Took Credit For The Gluten-Free Craze And Thinks Psychedelic Drugs Are The Next Big Thing
Gwyneth Paltrow, inventor of yoga, is back on her bullshit and took credit for the “gluten-free” craze in a recent New York Times interview. Also, the whole concept of a drama-free break up (aka “conscious uncoupling”), that was because of her incredible influence as well. Lady Da Vinci has given us so much already, but she’s not done yet! The next big thing, according to G.P. (“as she is known to friends“), will probably be medicinal psychedelics. So when you start seeing middle-aged white ladies lined out the door for a Psilocybin Matcha Macchiato at Starbucks, you’ll know who to thank.
As you sit there, comfortable in your pampered existence, never forget that there’s a whole other world of pain, turmoil and danger up #inthesestreets. Well, to be more exact, up #ontheseslopes. Gwyneth Paltrow knows better than anyone about the dangers of the dog-eat-dog world of recreational skiing, especially since she got slapped with a lawsuit by a man who accused her of skiing into him on the mean slopes of Park City, Utah. Now Gwyneth is taking justice into her own hands by enacting what is called a “Connecticut Drive-by“. Gwyneth is counter-suing Dr. Terry Sanderson, claiming that it was he who skied into her! And she’s digging the knife in even further by pulling a Randolph and Mortimer Duke on him and asking for retribution in the sum of $1, according to TMZ.
The celebrity tabloid industry can continue their celebratory orgy for the gift of Brad Pitt attending Jennifer Aniston‘s 50th birthday bonanza, as People is reporting a hot new update all about her will-she/won’t-she internal struggle of inviting her ex-husband to the big day. Is it that serious? No, but there’s a source who is really shilling it to you.
Patron Saint of Yoga And Menopause, Gwyneth Paltrow, is in trouble with the law again. But not for selling overpriced and under-useful vagina eggs. Goopy found another upper-class way to get in trouble with the law: a skiing accident. Yes, while us peasants are out here getting into car accidents, Queen of the Universe and Eleganza Gwyneth is out here allegedly colliding on the ski slopes.
Every yogi in America may have gotten the last laugh after all! Gwyneth Paltrow was on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon last night, and because late night TV has to be wacky AF these days to get ‘dem YouTube views, Jimmy had a trick up his sleeves. He and Gwyneth had to play a singing game where, if you didn’t know the lyrics to a song, you got sprayed in the face with water. By the end of this shenanigan, Gwyn and Jimmy looked like spring break in Daytona Beach!