When it comes time for us gays to be thrown into the camps, Jabba the Trump better give me the middle bunk between Ricky Martin and his hot piece of a husband for copy and pasting a Mario Kart Mushroom that is six times bigger than what Stormy Daniels claims he’s working with for real.
“Mario Kart” has been trending all day today, and at first I figured it was because there’s a new game, or it’s the anniversary of that shit, or maybe Super Mario was killed off in a tragic kart accident. It’s a billion times worse than the last one. “Where were you the day you clicked on Mario Kart on Twitter” is the moment that will haunt us all thanks to Stormy Daniels’ evil ass.
As if tearing families apart and ruining orange juice and therefore ruining mimosas (an unforgivable sin) weren’t bad enough, Donald Trump is also responsible for emboldening any asshole with name recognition and a couple of million dollars burning a hole in their pocket, to think they have a shot at becoming President Of The United States. Former championship boxer Oscar De La Hoya is the latest political dilettante to think he should be President, and according to TMZ, he’s launching an exploratory team to test the waters.
Ska music makes us all get a little crazy, but that’s usually just from the good shit taken in the mosh pit at a ska concert. Alas, apparently it must have really crawled up Donald Trump’s ass because, in a not exactly 100% joking way, Michael Moore says former ska kween Gwen Stefani (or her rank on NBC’s payroll, more exactly) is what inspired his ass to run for president in the first place. Continue reading
Kim Kardashian West has proved yet again that you can be a narcissistic nit wit and still do some good in the world. Perhaps it’s out of the kindness of her heart, or maybe, it’s to deflect from unmitigated wretch-a-tude of her Trump loving husband. I don’t trust her motives, but whatever they are, they have Kim back to beating the drum of freedom, and discussing prison reform with Very Important People.
According to TMZ, KKW visited the White House this morning to meet with her pal Jared Kushner and Kanye’s pal Donald Trump to plea for the early release of 30-year-old Chris Young who is currently serving a life sentence for something I’m sure half of the interns in D.C. call “Tuesday” (possession of a small amount of coke and weed, per his lawyer). The visit is well timed for all concerned because if Trump pardons Chris, as he did Kim’s previous project Alice Marie Johnson, Trump might just regain the trust of black people and get rapped about on Kanye’s next album!
Earlier this month, Kanye West was on Jimmy Kimmel Live! where he talked about a lot of shit. Most of what he said was the generic Kanye non-sensical garbage: stupid philosophical questions with no basis in reality, how amazing he is at design, which we all know is the god’s honest truth, his admiration of Donald Trump, yada-yada-yada. But Kanye was stumped when asked about Trump:
“You so famously and so powerfully said, ‘George Bush doesn’t care about black people’. It makes me wonder what makes you think that Donald Trump does, or any people at all?”
Ye stared at the ceiling hoping for an answer. When one didn’t descend and enter his righteous mind, Jimmy moved on to commercial.
Well, Kanye finally had enough time to think of his answer (a whole month) and he was ready to talk about it on 107.5 WGCI in Chicago. This is the same interview where Kanye tried apologizing for those slavery remarks. But, if you’re looking for a sensible answer from Kanye West, you are looking in the wrong place.
Suddenly, all those Anna Wintour leaving Vogue rumors make sense. I’m sure she spent most of the summer with smelling salts and a pint of Chunky Monkey at her Long Island retreat after reading the first draft of reporter Amy Chozick’s sit-down with Stormy Daniels and Michael Avenatti. How DARE Amy corrupt and singe Anna’s eyes and the reputation of Vogue with the filth and smut of a black lacquered striptease stage in northern Wisconsin?! Eh, the sex stuff…I’m sure Anna’s read a lot worse. Anyway, Stormy talked…and talked and talked about her time with Donald Trump, and well…let’s just say it gives a whole new meaning to “brief” encounter.