Johnny Depp must have received a very frantic call from his manager (or the marketing team at Disney who would like very much to get another decent box office weekend out of Pirates of the Caribbean 5) urging him to use his damp swamp bog mouth to say he’s sorry. Or maybe he didn’t like the thought of an unmarked van full of Secret Service trailing behind him on his next scarf run. Whatever the reason, Johnny has issued an apology for joking about assassinating Trump at the Glastonbury Festival yesterday.
“I apologize for the bad joke I attempted last night in poor taste about President Trump. It did not come out as intended, and I intended no malice. I was only trying to amuse, not to harm anyone.”
The last time Johnny issued a public apology for something, he later made fun of his apology. If he does that this time, I doubt he’ll be so obvious about it. Like, maybe he’ll bring up those recently rediscovered pictures of Trump playing tennis in some extremely unflattering white shorts. “You know, the next time I want to make a joke at Trump’s expense, I should take notes from those shorts. Because they are extremely amusing.”
Johnny Depp has made it no secret that he likes Donald Trump about as much as personal grooming and selling his fancy rich people things. Johnny made fun of Trump in a 50-minute parody of The Art Of The Deal for Funny or Die last year, and again on Ellen. He came for Trump again last night, and this time, it may have caused the Secret Service to open up a file on him (if they haven’t already).
“Making America Great Again” apparently includes a shrieky harridan interrupting a night at the theater. The Public Theater’s latest production at the Delacorte Theater in Central Park is of Shakespeare’s Julius Caeser. It’s getting a lot of attention because the character of Caesar is modeled after our current Commander-In-Queef. He’s got “a long red tie, a blonde bouffant, and grabs his Slovenian-accented wife’s crotch,” according to the New York Daily News. Sounds familiar. This isn’t sitting well with the pro-MAGA set, so two of them decided to bust up the show last night. Continue reading
Broad City spent a lot of time last season talking about Hillary Clinton’s presidential run (she eventually showed up in a guest appearance). So it’s not like they live in a universe in which the outcome of the election would be unknown. Ilana Glazer told USA Today that she and Abbi Jacobson couldn’t not talk about Trump being president. But Trump’s name will be bleeped the whole season.
“We wrote (Season 4) being like, ‘Here we go! Hillary for president!’ [But after] this game-show host became president of our country, we rewrote a lot.”
One episode of the fourth season (which premieres in August) focuses on Ilana working through an inability to orgasm due to Trump-related hang-ups. Of course, they will never name him by name.
“There’s no airtime for this orange (person). We bleep his name the whole season.”
If Trump hisses back, his usual insults won’t have much weight here. “These are such disrespectful ladies, I can’t even call them ladies. They’re city broads, am I right Ivanka? Wait, what do you mean that’s what they’re called? Shit, well…how about this: they’re such low lives, I bet they live with rats. What? They had a hilarious episode about that? Shit.”
Brad Pitt channeled his inner Willard Scott (or Willard Scott’s shady used car selling brother-in-law) to appear on a fake weather segment for The Jim Jefferies Show on Tuesday night. Brad joked on Trump’s decision to pull out of the Paris Agreement last week by saying things were going to get warmer everywhere. Jim Jefferies asked Brad for a future forecast, and he replied: “There is no future.” Oh, too real, Brad.
Is that the shortest late-night cameo Brad has ever made? Could be. Maybe next time Jim can splurge and give him a full minute. That’s if we’re not all underwater fighting over seaweed by then.
Since Brad was talking about climate change, I’d like to know if he did a little recycling after the show. Namely, recycling that weatherman act when he hit the singles bars later that evening. “Hey gorgeous. Things are rising in my pants, and seem like they’ll stay that way well into the early morning. Now why don’t we see what’s going on in your neck of the woods?”
That’s a superhero movie I actually want to see! (Wonder Woman left me feeling empty, despite all the reviews.) Rueful comedienne Kathy Griffin has split our nation down the center (*eye-roll*) and finally defined her comedic legacy – fake decapitated POTUS heads and weepy press conferences! While Trumpets want HER head, and the rest of us roll our eyes at a bad choice exacerbated by attention whoring, celebrities are coming to Kathy’s defense.