Category: Donald Trump

The Time Donald Trump Asked Emma Thompson Out

March 24, 2017 / Posted by:

Pictured: Emma Thompson laughing while trying to control the wet heaves as she thinks about going on a date with Trump.

During an interview on the Scandinavian TV show Skavlan (via UsWeekly) yesterday, Emma Thompson said that like Salma Hayek and Princess Diana, she once found herself being the object of Donald Trump’s affections. One day after her divorce from Kenneth Branagh became final, Emma was in her trailer on the L.A. set of 1998’s Primary Colors when she got a call and heard the words that probably made her cooze close up and dry up. The voice on the other end said, “Hi, it’s Donald Trump here.

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Donald Trump Took Time To Fight With Snoop Dogg On Twitter

March 15, 2017 / Posted by:

Somewhere in between telling his spying microwave that he’s got its number (hussy) and allegedly dropping a manila envelope marked, “Trump’s Tax Forms! Not From Trump!”, into a reporter’s mailbox, Donald Trump found time to shit on Snoop Dogg over a music video. Because, you know, that’s a great way for the President of the United States to spend his time.

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SNL Made America Feel Better By Going In On The Trumps Again

March 12, 2017 / Posted by:

It was devastating news this week when Alec Baldwin revealed that he’s put an expiration date on his masterful mockery of… that guy. But, but, he’s so good at it. He captures almost every odious component of…that guy’s…character! They better get someone just as good to carry on. Someone who’s played the part before. Someone that annoys Twitler just as much as Alec does. Hmm.

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President Trump Claims That Ahnold Got Fired From “Apprentice” Because Of Low Ratings

March 4, 2017 / Posted by:

Those who thought that POTUS’ oddly restrained (for him) speech before Congress this week signaled a new era of keeping his priorities presidential and his behavior semi-rational were wrong. President Donald Trump kicked off his weekend by “u up?“-ing the beautiful creature that holds his tiny heart – the Twitter bird! This pesky “my administration might have a branch location in the Kremlin” scandal has him wrought! But not so wrought that he can’t focus on the real issues!

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Because Of Donald Trump’s Win, Oprah Is Thinking That Maybe She Could Become President Too

March 1, 2017 / Posted by:

Since The Mighty O has a legion of devoted followers and she has the power to bring down industries, she’s been asked about running for President of the United States and she’s always waved that thought away and said, “not in this lifetime.” But Oprah is now looking at the Oval Office like, “hmmm,” since the current POTUS has less government experience than a 4th grade student council secretary.

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Ryan Murphy Now Says The Next Season Of “American Horror Story” WON’T Be About The Election

February 26, 2017 / Posted by:

Sure, blame it on the booze! Entirety of television owner Ryan Murphy admitted he was just a little bit tipsy when he went on Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live last week and told that annoying but kind of hot (don’t judge) Andy Cohen that the next season of American Horror Story would be about the 2016 election. Ryan even hinted that Donald Trump might be a character.

Despite that being a valid topic for a show about abject horror, Ryan nows says that he was shittoed and exaggerating.

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