If you can be arrested for being a disorderly mess, then it won’t be long before my chihuahua finds a way to bust a CITIZEN’S ARREST on my ass when I drunkenly roll around on the living room carpet while singing along to Samantha Fox’s greatest hits.
E! News says that Kim Richards of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and the masterpiece Escape to Witch Mountain found herself in handcuffs early this morning after she allegedly caused a drunken scene at The Beverly Hills Hotel. Apparently, hotel security called the police at around 1:30 this morning after some kind of fight went down. When the police got to the hotel, they found Kim drunker than Brandi Glanville after seeing a picture of her boys and LeAnn Rimes on Twitter. Kim was belligerent with the cops and they say she was slurring her words and smelled like booze.
Kim locked herself in the bathroom and refused to come out. Cops had to drag Kim out of the bathroom and they took her to the police station where TMZ says she kicked a police officer. No word if she also called the police officer a “slut pig.” She was charged with trespassing, resisting arrest, battery on a police officer and being a drunk wreck in public. She was given a citation and released. Yeah, she kicked a cop and got a citation. If any of us kicked a cop, we’d probably be farting up sparks after getting tased.
Anybody who watched The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills this season knows that Kim has claimed to be sober for a long time. Well, except that one time when Monty gave Kim a pain pill which made her bring thirty layers of crazy on Lisa Rinna. During the RHoBH reunion, Kim, who went to rehab in 2011, said that she wasn’t struggling with her sobriety and was doing well.
Meanwhile, Brandi Glanville is trying to find a way to blame this on Kyle Richards and Kyle Richards is trying to find a way to make this all about her.
We may finally know the answer to the question,”Why in the fuck is Nelly always hot in herre?” The answer may be: Because ho is tweaking on crystal.
The Chattanooga Times Free Press says that Nelly (born name: Cornell Haynes) was arrested early yesterday morning and charged with felony drug possession and possession of weed. Dude is in a dilemma, you could say. At 9:20 yesterday morning, a trooper pulled over Nelly’s tour bus because it didn’t have the right stickers on it. When a cloud of the good shit wafted up into the trooper’s nostrils, he decided to do a probable cause search on the bus. After snooping around, the troopers found weed, drug paraphernalia and a plastic bag with 5 crystal-type rocks in it. The rocks tested positive for meth. The cops also found several handguns and 100 small Ziploc bags, which the police say are commonly used to sell drugs. One of the other dudes on the bus, Brian Jones, was also arrested for handgun possession.
Nelly was taken to the Putnam County Jail where he was later released on $10,000 bond. Nelly will have to show his face in court in June. Nelly’s lawyer tells TMZ that he’s going to fight the charges, because the meth wasn’t his. Nelly claims that over a dozen people had access to the bus and the meth could belong to any one of them.
Part of me believes that the meth isn’t Nelly’s, because I’d think that he would be a smart meth head who knows that when the cops stop his bus he needs to flush the bad shit down the toilet or shove it up his b-hole or hide it in a place that nobody would dare to go, like under a pile of his last CD. But the other part of me thinks that the meth may be Nelly’s, because it would explain those Band-Aids on his face (meth scratched face is no joke) and his teeth. It would also really explain why he whored himself out for Honey Nut Cheerios.
You know, I bet that meth belonged to the Honey Nut Cheerios Bee. That bee always looks tweaked the fuck out.
Okay, I think it might be time for Giles and the rest of the Scooby Gang to book a hotel room and call up the Sunnydale equivalent of Candy Finnigan, because this is getting sad. Less than a month after he was arrested for being a drunk mess at a hotel in Ft. Lauderdale during the Shock Pop Comic-Con, and less than five months after he was arrested for being a drunk mess at a hotel in Idaho during the Tree City Comic-Con, TMZ says Nicholas Brendon aka Xander from Buffy was arrested for being a drunk mess at a hotel in Tallahassee during a thing called ALT*Con on Friday night. Call me crazy, but I think I see a pattern here.
Sources tell TMZ that police were called to a hotel in Tallahassee, FL last night after Nicholas Brendon got next-level drunk, wrecked his hotel room, smashed a mirror, then walked down to the lobby barefoot with a bloody hand and tried to bum a smoke off someone. That’s when police arrested him for criminal mischief and gave him another picture for his mugshot collection.
It doesn’t take a genius to realize that putting Nicholas Brendon in a hotel room with a bunch of booze during a comic-con weekend spells trouble and/or a trip to jail, so maybe organizers of future comic-cons might want to think about a strategy to prevent this mess. Like letting him Skype in from home from now on? Or at least start taking the mirrors out of his hotel room.
Pic: Leon County Sheriff
Afroman, best known for that “Because I Got High” song found himself in handcuffs yesterday after his face made a BOOM! on the face of a woman who thought it was a good idea to crash the stage without permission and rub her ass against him. Surprisingly, the butt dancing stage crasher wasn’t Miley.
TMZ says that 40-year-old Afroman (born name: Joseph Edgar Foreman) was playing a free show for Mardi Gras at Kress Live in Biloxi, Mississippi yesterday afternoon and during a guitar solo, a fan got on stage and had a butt party on his leg. Afroman wasn’t having it and he hit her into the next zip code. TMZ says that she bled and was crying, but got up by herself and was escorted off by security as Afroman continued on with the show.
Here’s the video of Afroman laying a fan out:
That escalated quickly. I felt that one. That’s a move straight out of Action Bronson’s life manual.
The show was eventually cut off when the cops arrived and arrested Afroman. He was booked for assault and was released last night after paying a $330 bond. Afroman’s rep tells Billboard that the venue barely had any security even though he asks for plenty in his rider, because he’s had problems in the past with fans thinking they have an open invitation to join him onstage. Afroman’s rep also said he didn’t know if the person sneaking up on him was a man or a woman. It was just his slap-a-trick reflex at work:
“This was a completely involuntary reflex reaction to people infringing on his stage space. It was uncharacteristic behavior that was initiated by outside uncontrolled forces.”
I’ve been to several shows where people jump on the stage uninvited to dance and I don’t know if it’s the booze that’s doing the thinking for them, but that’s never a good idea. It might not end well (case in point: this entire story). Going on stage without an invitation to dance is not only a bad idea, but it’s not cute. If the performer wanted a back-up dancer, I’m sure they’d hire one and I’m also sure it wouldn’t be you. With that being said, if this kind of thing always happens to Afroman, why was he surprised when it happened again? He probably should’ve taken some advice from his own lyrics and picked up a joint instead. “I was going to slap that trick but then I got high.”
And I’m waiting to see how NBC is going to use that video to promote The Slap.
Well, it’s good to know that Dustin
Diamond Cubic Zirconia is still the biggest yeast infection bump of the Saved By The Bell cast and that’s saying a lot since Mario Lopez was in that cast.
Gossip Cop says that Screech (which is also the sound his career made after SBTB ended) was arrested in Port Washington, Wisconsin early this morning after he allegedly pulled a switchblade on a woman at a bar. Apparently, the neck beard-having urethra pimple and his piece (TMZ says the piece is his wife Jennifer and Gossip Cop says it’s his girlfriend Amanda) got into a fight with another couple at the bar. TMZ says that the couple Screech and his piece were fighting with were trying to take a picture of them. The fight led to Screech’s piece reportedly punching out a woman. The cops were eventually called and that’s when Screech pulled a switchblade on a trick.
Screech’s piece was arrested for disorderly conduct and was released back into the wild this morning. Screech was also put into handcuffs and charged with possession of a switchblade, reckless endangerment and carrying a concealed weapon. His bail has been set at $1,000, so I’m sure Mr. Belding got a call really early this morning from a drunken mess asking for a loan. Screech is still sitting his pathetic ass in jail, so who knows if he’ll be saved by the bail or not.
Carrying a switchblade is against the law in Wisconsin.
This Christmas story has so many layers of messiness and I have many questions. Who in the Hell carries a switchblade? Does Dustin Diamond think he’s Pony Boy or some shit? Who in the Hell tries to take a picture of Screech’s ass in the year 2014? I know it’s Wisconsin, but damn. What kind of human woman goes out in public with Screech?!
And Screech doesn’t need to carry around a switchblade. If he really wants to inflict pain on a trick with a deadly weapon, he should just give them a copy of his sex tape. I haven’t been the same since watching that dark-sided nastiness.
UPDATE: TMZ says that Screech stabbed a dude with his switchblade and left a 1/2 inch wound. Screech claims that the guy he stabbed attacked he and his wife. Screech’s bail isn’t $1,000, it’s $10,000. So yeah, every SBTB cast member isn’t answering the phone today.
Back in July, a bunch of dramatic shit went down between Taryn Manning (aka crazy meth-mouthed hillbilly princess Pennsatucky from OITNB) and her former friend Jeanine Heller that ended with Taryn and Jeanine getting slapped with a mutual restraining order after neither would stop sending each other nasty texts and dragging each other on social media. Even Taryn’s dog Penguin got dragged into that mess. Poor Penguin – he doesn’t need that shit!
Not surprisingly, Taryn and Jeanine weren’t able to go more than 24-hours without antagonizing each other. Jeanine ended up being the first to get arrested for violating their mutual restraining order, and now it looks like it’s Taryn’s turn. According to TMZ, Taryn recently started sending a bunch of not-nice texts and messages through social media to Jeanine, like “Go fuck yourself and die” and “I will kill you, bitch“. Jeanine took them to court, and a judge determined on Tuesday that sending death threats is a clear violation of their restraining order. DUH! Unfortunately, Taryn didn’t show up to court, so the judge cited her for contempt and told police to arrest her ass.
However, according to Taryn Manning, she was never arrested and TMZ’s story is BS. Taryn took to Twitter to explain that despite being as crazy as the character she plays on TV, you won’t see her in an orange jumpsuit any time soon:
Xander looks twelve kinds of rough in that mug shot, but it’s that stretched out t-shirt collar that tells me everything I need to know about how his night went.
43-year-old Nicholas Brendon, who played Xander in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, was put into handcuffs on Friday night for breaking a dish and messing with the cops in a hotel lobby. Nicholas was in Boise, Idaho for the Tree City Comic-Con when cops showed up to his hotel at around 10pm after someone called them to report a messy scene going down in the lobby. In the press release from the Boise PD, Nicholas seemed plastered as shit when cops arrived and he didn’t want to cooperate. They told him to have a seat and stay there while they talked to witnesses, but he kept trying to get away. They eventually arrested him for resisting and obstructing. The staff at the hotel claim that during his drunken lobby meltdown, he broke a “decorative dish.” The hotel wanted to press charges so the cops added one count of “malicious injury to property” to his charges.
TMZ says that Nicholas bonded out a few hours later and was released. He still showed up to Comic-Con the next day. Nicholas later said he was sorry to the Boise PD and the hotel staff he messed with:
“It would be extremely helpful, if we could all put this misunderstanding behind us and focus on more positive things.”
This isn’t Nicholas’ first time getting into a messy situation with the cops. Four years ago, he was tasered twice by cops in Venice, CA after he allegedly tried to punch them. Nicholas checked himself into rehab shortly after that went down. Nicholas is also a newlywed. Dude got married in Las Vegas a couple of weeks ago to a chick he’s known for a quick minute. He proposed to her while she was wearing a shower cap. That “proposing to a trick he’s known for a second while she wore a shower cap” situation was a sign that shit isn’t going good.
Breaking decorative dishes during a drunken meltdown in a Boise hotel lobby the night before Tree City Comic-Con is no way to go through life. Speaking of decorative dish murder, I did squint my eyes at that “malicious injury to property” charge. The hell? That charge seems kind of dramatic for breaking a hotel lobby dish. Was that decorative dish from the Ming Dynasty? Was it a Franklin Mint original? Is one of the hotel staff members an objectophile and that decorative dish was their wife of 5 years?
Hopefully Xander gets it together and stops drunkenly breaking decorative dishes in hotel lobbies, because I don’t think he wants to be known as Nicholas the Decorative Dish Slayer.
Literally every American is screaming “QUICK! CLOSE THE BORDER!” at this very moment. And I’m eye-shanking all of you, because it looks like that little shithead is our problem once again. According to CBC News, Canada’s crown prince of shitty spoiled asshole behavior Justin Bieber has once again proved what a shitty spoiled asshole he is by crashing his ATV into a minivan and then picking a fight with the driver on Friday just east of Statford, Ontario. Caillou’s rotten cousin was taken in by police and charged with assault and dangerous driving, but he was released on the promise that he appear in a Stratford court on September 29th. How Canadian, right? “We’ll let you go if you pinky-swear to come back.”
Bieber is currently on probation for egging his neighbor’s house, so he could be majorly fucked. But speaking as a Canadian person with a basic understanding of the legal system (thanks to reruns of Street Legal), that lil’ asshole will probably get off with barely a slap on the wrist. He’ll be sentenced to a 12-pack of maple-dip donuts and asked to be more careful next time before the judge musses up his hair and tells him: “Get on now, scoot! And stay outta trouble you little scamp!” Then Stratford will declare September 29th Justin Bieber Assault Day and everyone will get the day off work. No, that won’t happen – I’m sure the people of Stratford hate him just as much as the rest of North America. But they do have this weird sort of pride for him, so who knows?
But getting arrested in rural Ontario after crashing your ATV into a minivan and instigating a fist-fight with the driver? Even Ricky from Trailer Park Boys is like “Damn, that’s trashy.”
Seen above working the hell out of a man purse while strolling with his son in 2008, Robert Downey Jr. issued a statement this morning after his 20-year-old son Indio Downey was caught with the bad shit in West Hollywood yesterday afternoon. TMZ says that Indio was a passenger in a car that the cops pulled over because they noticed that another passenger was smoking something out of a pipe. Thanks, passenger who was smoking something out of a pipe! The cops pulled the car over and found some coke on Indio while doing a search. Indio was put into handcuffs, dragged down to the station, charged with possession of a controlled substance and he was released early this morning on $10,000 bail. In his sad and honest statement, RDJ blamed himself and said that sometimes addiction is passed on from generation to generation and sometimes the coke-snorting apple doesn’t fall far from the coke-snorting tree.
“Unfortunately there’s a genetic component to addiction and Indio has likely inherited it. Also, there is a lot of family support and understanding, and we’re all determined to rally behind him and help him become the man he’s capable of being. We’re grateful to the Sheriff’s department for their intervention, and believe Indio can be another recovery success story instead of a cautionary tale.”
Last year, Indio went to some hippie rehab place for a pill popping problem. At the time his mom Deborah Falconer told The National Enquirer that her son wasn’t addicted to pills, but he did spend time in a holistic rehab place and was treated with vitamin supplements and organic foods. In other words, Deborah Falconer might need to check into a non-holistic treatment center where she’s fed processed food and major amounts of canned cheese, because she’s been GOOP’d.
Hmmm, I wonder how that post-arrest conversation between RDJ and Indio went down. Indio probably shouted, “I learned it from watching you, dad! I learned it from watching you!” What RDJ needs to do is strap Indio into a chair, play him Less Than Zero and then scream at him, “This was my real life! Do you want this to be you? Do you want to find yourself sucking dirty junkie dick in a Palm Springs condo for a baggie?” And if I was RDJ’s son and he asked me that question, my answer would be, “Well, I’ve done it for a lot less, soo…“
Above is a blurry picture from Instagram of Shia LaDouche reportedly crying in front of the NYPD after he was dragged out of Cabaret on Broadway in handcuffs for being Shia LaDouche. The answer to the question”What kind of mess gets arrested during a Broadway show?“has finally been answered.
Broadway World reports that Danny Burstein, who plays Herr Schultz in Cabaret, threw up a note on Facebook during intermission where he said that LaDouche was led out of the theater by police:
Ladies and gentlemen, this is your places call for Act II. Also, to let you know, Shia LaBeouf has just been escorted from the building in handcuffs. Yep, that just happened.
People on the street told Broadway World that LaDouche was kicked out for acting a fool during the show. Good Morning America adds that Shia was put into handcuffs for “smoking and being disruptive.” Police dragged him out onto the sidewalk and he supposedly started crying as they questioned him. The cops eventually took him to the police station and he will most likely be charged. They should just send him to Death Row, because that’s where anybody who disrupts a half-naked singing and dancing Alan Cumming belongs!
Either this is an elaborate performance art piece about the city’s ban on cigarettes or he’s having a stage 4 Amanda Bynes moment or he just didn’t like Michelle Williams as Sally Bowles. Whatever the case may be, let’s just get it out of the way and put all the blame on Alec Baldwin for this.
EXTRA MESSY UPDATE: Page Six says that LaDouche has been charged with criminal trespass, harassment and disorderly conduct. Sources say that LaDouche kept hitting audience members on the back of the head and he was smoking. The cops were called to Studio 54 and when they came up to LaDouche, he tried to walk away, but his ass fell and he was put into handcuffs. At the police station, LaDouche screamed “Fuck you, I’ll fuck you” at the cops and they had to put him in a face mask, because he kept spitting. LaDouche then made his old best friend Alec Baldwin proud by doing this.
While being fingerprinted LaBeouf told one cop “I have millions and millions of dollars and attorneys and I’m going to ruin your career.” He then used a homophobic epithet at the officer doing the fingerprinting, calling him a “fag.”
Well, the good news is that Shia LaDouche’s spokeswhore probably saw this mess coming and already has a pre-written “Shia LaDouche has entered into rehab for exhaustion” statement ready.