Stormy Daniels Was Arrested At An Ohio Strip Club For Allegedly Letting An Undercover Cop Motorboat Her (UPDATE)
UPDATE: All the charges against Stormy have been dropped, because the Ohio law is only meant for regular strip club strippers. Stormy was a featured guest dancer. The judge already threw the charges out, and that’s that. Poor “Deric Dump” (see my “joke” below) had to bruise his one brain cell by trying to figure out how to call the cops in Columbus for nothing! The cops also claim that they weren’t targeting Stormy. They were there to look into complaints of drugs and hooking.
Here’s the original story:
The shit Stormy Daniels was put into handcuffs for may have been stupid and a complete waste of everyone’s time, but at least she brought it in her mug shot, and gave that camera heaping servings of beauty, glamour, and intrigue with that yellow-haired Jaqueline Smith Charlie’s Angels seasons 1 hair and those smoky vengeance eyes. Stormy really needs to do a YouTube beauty tutorial showing us how to paint your face up so it remains stunning even under the harsh beauty-hating lighting of a police station.
CNN says that Stormy Daniels, the porn star and one-time fuck partner of Donald Trump (as in, they only fucked once) who is suing him for defamation, was arrested late last night at Sirens strip club in Columbus, OH for letting a customer touch her. The customer happened to be an undercover cop named Officer Mary Prather. Stormy is accused of touching Officer Mary’s ass and breasts before motorboating her. Ohio law states that a stripper who gets naked or semi-naked can only touch a customer if they’re related to that customer. Jabba the Trump is definitely cackling over one of his many rivals getting arrested, but he’s also making a mental note that if for some reason Ivanka has to become a stripper, she needs to do so in Ohio.
None of what I typed in that headline should be surprising to anyone with even the vaguest recollection of Chris Brown. What might be surprising is that it took a whole 15 months for Chris Brown to finally get busted for throwing his fists around.
Last year in April, 29-year-old Chris got into some trouble in Tampa, FL after he allegedly assaulted a photographer at a club. The club’s photographer was reportedly trying to get some crowd shots, and paranoid dust-for-brains Chris thought the photographer was trying to get some sneaky pictures of him. So he allegedly leapt over a couch and punched the photographer in the face. Police were called, but Chris and his bodyguard fled the scene before they could be questioned. That brings us to present day.
Chris played a show at the Coral Sky Amphitheater in West Palm Beach, FL last night. TMZ says that when he was done, he walked off stage and found several police officers waiting to arrest him. Police had reportedly been waiting to catch him since they obtained a warrant for his arrest last year.
People says Chris was arrested for felony battery at around 11:00pm, and taken into custody. He was released after posting $2,000 bail. So far, Chris hasn’t said anything about his arrest on social media, which is pretty strange for him. Maybe he’s still trying to make sense of how confusing and backwards the situation was for him. “Handcuffs? Police? A year later? That’s odd. This usually happens right after I’ve gotten violent on someone. Would it be okay if I try to hit one of you first? I’m kind of a stickler for repetition.”
Pic: Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office
Seeing the words “Farrah Abraham” and “smacking” in the same sentence would usually lead one to believe they were reading the description of her latest appearance on CamSoda. This time we’re dealing with assault.
48-year-old Vince Vaughn is a guy who looks like he was born to take a shitty mug shot (and has). And yet, his second mug shot might be one of the least-messy DUI celebrity mugshots in the history of the medium. Some people get all the luck. Well, at least mugshot-wise. Otherwise, Vince Vaughn isn’t so lucky. TMZ says he was arrested for a DUI early Sunday morning.
Police say that around 12:30am on Sunday, Vince and a friend were stopped at a checkpoint in Manhattan Beach, CA. Both were asked to exit the vehicle, a request an uncooperative Vince initially declined.
Eventually police got Vince and his friend out of the car and he was arrested an hour later for misdemeanor DUI and obstructing an officer. His friend was arrested for obstruction and public intoxication. At about 4am they were both in jail. Vince and his unknown friend posted bail and have since been released.
This would be Vince Vaughn’s first time getting a DUI. TMZ doesn’t say who Vince’s passenger was, so let’s just say it was Owen Wilson, and they were on their way to their second wedding reception of the night. Don’t tell me almost-50 Vince Vaughn wouldn’t try to crash a wedding in a sloppy grey t-shirt and all-day sun damage.
Pic: Manhattan Beach Police Department
There are two things that I love about T.I.. One, that he married Tameka “Tiny” Cottle. And two, that he attempted to defend Tiny by allegedly whooping Floyd Mayweather in a Las Vegas Fatburger. When I saw the news that T.I. had been arrested for acting like a fool under the influence, my mind immediately pictured delicious pieces of cheeseburger shrapnel flying through the air. The reality of the situation is just a tad less exciting, and significantly more annoying for T.I.
So I think I can correctly guess what unknown substance Halsey was caught snorting on a yacht in Miami back in January. Just a hunch, but all signs are pointing to “not scratch-n-sniff stickers.” TMZ says that 23-year-old Halsey’s 28-year-old boyfriend of eight months, G-Eazy is currently in a lot of trouble. Or “besvär,” if you will. And I will, because this happened in Sweden.