I have some bad news for those of you who are looking at this screen shot of a Wynonna-looking Meghan Trainor standing with dancers that look like they were borrowed from a low-budget fan edit of Aqua’s “Lollipop (Candyman)” and are wishing that you could watch an entire music video of it. The music video that goes with that screen grab has been deleted forever by Meghan Trainor herself. Well, at least that specific version of that video.

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Stop them! They just broke out of prism. – Texndoc

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Well we know they’re not headed for the Oscars. – OurMissC

Pic: Break

Zeus, the big ass baby Siberian Husky who really wants it to be bathtime, not stupid walktime!

My dog hates being in water. Pools are the toilet of Satan to him, and the one time I took him to the dog beach, he acted like I had dragged his ass to the DMV on a Monday morning without an appointment. He looked at the dogs playing in the ocean like, “You weirdos, water is for drinking. You don’t put it on your body!” Whenever I turn on the bathtub faucet to wash him, he knows that I don’t take baths so it must be for him, and he hides like his life is in danger. Well, Zeus the Siberian Husky is nothing like my dog.

Zeus’ humans should really change his name to Poseidon, because he lives for water. Zeus’ human posted a video on YouTube of him throwing a melodramatic howling tantrum over not getting to play in the water. Whoever uploaded the video put this in the description:

This is why they say huskies are stubborn. They’re very smart but they have low motivation to please their owners. Zeus loves playing in the water in the bathtub and wanted the water turned on. However it was time for his walk and he was just being stubborn because he wanted to play in the water.

I laugh at Zeus bringing the drama, but aren’t we all Zeus on a weekday morning when the alarm goes off? Welcome to real life, Zeus. It sucks!

via Everywhere

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As the world mourned the end of the hipster lesbian union between Kristen Stewart and SoKo, SoKo may have accused KStew of passing her untrue poon to another while they were together. Well, if that’s true, then at least Kristen Stewart is getting somewhat better at cheating. Because at least this time we didn’t see paparazzi pictures of her getting her chocha box eaten by her side piece in a parked MINI Cooper   – Lainey Gossip 

The shitty Batman v. Superman reviews were humiliating for Ben Affleck and made him unhappy. Cry more, Ben, because I saw Batman v. Superman and afterward I felt humiliated by the fact that I paid money for that shit – Celebitchy

Jessica Jones is in a two piece – Drunken Stepfather

So is JLo…. – The Superficial 

And David Cassidy’s daughter too – Hollywood Tuna

Sadly, Ozzy Osbourne isn’t in a two piece, but he did resurface with a stunning bitch by his side – Just Jared

Kim Zolciak, a trick whose skin is made of wax and probably Photoshops nearly every one of her Instagram pictures, is selling a skincare line to humans – Reality Tea 

Another symptom of chronic Lyme disease: It’ll turn you into the kind of scat queen who wants to serve your own shit to your dad on a silver platter – Jezebel

Why didn’t Shia LaBeouf think of this?! – Towleroad

Will the Academy just throw another Oscar at Jared Leto so he can shut the fuck up already? – OMG Blog

The Instagram Filter Awards: Lindsay Lohan in a bathing suit – Popoholic

Brie Larson is getting married – HuffPo

Jennifer Lawrence punched Sophie Turner in the cooch once – Popsugar

Selena Gomez grabbing and crumpling up a “Marry Justin Please” sign at her show was totally not a staged stunt – IDLYITW

Kate Hudson covered a Prince song and it surprise, it wasn’t awful – The Frisky

Chrissy Teigen had a baby 3 seconds ago and looks like this – SOW

Pic: Splash

On April 14, it was reported that one of Ryan Gosling’s Canadian jizz fish fucked its way into one of Eva Mendes’ eggs, creating their second child. Ryan and Eva have permanently SuperGlued a “privacy please” sign on their personal lives, so they didn’t confirm or deny that she had another GosBaby growing in her womb. Well, TMZ says that two weeks after that news came out, Eva gave birth to their baby and we’re all just finding out now. I know, your boyfriend Ryan Gosling betrayed you by making one baby with that trollop skeezer whore Eva Mendes, and then he betrayed you again by making another baby with her, and now he’s betrayed you a third time by not telling you about his second child’s birth. You better give your Ryan Gosling body pillow a serious talking to before you hump on it tonight.

We only know about the birth of the second GosBaby, because TMZ got a hold of the birth certificate. Eva and Ryan’s second baby was born on April 29th at 8:03 in the morning at a hospital in Santa Monica, CA. Eva birthed out another girl and they named her Amada Lee Gosling. Amada is Eva’s abuelita’s name, and either she really loves her abuelita or really loves that name or both, because Amada is also their first child’s middle name. Ryan and Eva’s 20-month-old daughter is named Esmerelda Amada Gosling. In 16 years, the Gosling girls can form a girl pop duo called The Amadas.

I’m guessing that Ryan wore a disguise to the hospital, because if he didn’t, we would’ve heard about how all of the nurses and other patients released a panty pudding tsunami as soon as he strut in and winked at them. We would’ve heard about that on the news. But seriously, we shouldn’t call Eva and Ryan “celebrities” anymore. Because what in the hell kind of celebrity has a baby and doesn’t immediately tweet an announcement along with a black and white picture of the mom holding the kid’s hand?

And someone should tell Pimp Mama Kris that two famous types had a baby and didn’t whore out every second of their pregnancy and birth on Instagram. That’d make her head pop off, hit the ceiling and land on her demon neck again. That could be her new party trick!

Pic: Splash