Now that she’s tied to the Kardashian family forever (you’re not officially in until Kris Jenner leaks private news about you), it’s time to start making some kash off that name! Blac Chyna will soon be Mrs. Rob Kardashian and Baby Kardashian’s mommy, and so she’s gone ahead and filed papers to trademark her name. But not her fake name, Blac Chyna. Oh no, she already did that last month. I’m talking about her soon-to-be legal married name.

TMZ says that Blac Chyna recently submitted an application to trademark the name Angela Renee Kardashian. According to the documents filed, Blac Chyna wants the exclusive legal rights to the name Angela Kardashian for “entertainment services, namely live television and movie appearances” as well as “living as a social media celebrity, model, actress, and performer.” I don’t know if Chyna also thought hyphenating her real last name (White) with Rob’s last name. But I doubt that would have gotten the approval from her future mother-in-law, since White-Kardashian isn’t exactly on brand (years of self-tanner abuse technically classify the Kardashians as more of a radioactive orange).

I guess this means that there’s a chance Blac Chyna won’t be going by Blac Chyna anymore. Soon she’ll be plain ol’ Angie Kardashian. What’s next? Kylie Jenner’s boyfriend Tyga filing a petition to legally change his name to Michael Ray Jenner? Actually, I wouldn’t put that past him. Whatever helps him secure financing on a luxury car that will eventually get repossessed.

Blac Chyna is clearly a good businesswoman. I mean, she’s trademarking a name she doesn’t actually have yet. That’s smart. Of course, if she was really smart, she’d go ahead and trademark a couple more names. You know, for when the Kardashian Kurse kicks in, she splits with Rob, and becomes the koven’s #1 enemy once again. Maybe start by trademarking the name That Cash-Draining Bitch™. That way she can make a couple extra bucks every time Kris Jenner sees how much she has to pay for Rob’s child support every month and screams “Oooh I hate that cash-draining bitch so much!”

Pic: Wenn.com

“It’s like pain on your wedding day,
It’s a bleeding bride wearing Always,
It’s the Midol that you just didn’t take,
And who would’ve thought… it figures.” – Mother Chucker

Upvote winner:

A gushing bride – Eva D

Pic: Reddit

Lawrence, Johnny Weir’s magnificent Kentucky Derby brooch!

Exit surveys done at the Kentucky Derby show* that 100% of the people who paid to get in didn’t go to see horses race and stuff. They paid to see what kind of pucker-inducing sparkly display of spectacular amazement Johnny Weir wore on his head. Last year, the Crystal Enchantress of the Ice wore a mint julep stuck in a rose bouquet of glamour on his head, and this year Johnny Weir caused hos to cry glittery tears by wearing a My Little Pony tail spilling out of some kind of Liberace tribal crown.

Johnny and his partner in glamour Tara Lipinski covered fashion and lifestyle at the Kentucky Derby for NBC this weekend, and on Saturday, he did himself up like the human who was crowned the ruler of the unicorns after he saved unicornkind by slaying the dragon with his piping hot poses and fiery glare. That headpiece is a gorgeous gay marvel on its own, but Johnny took his look to the next level of fabulousness by wearing a matching horse pin named Lawrence.

Johnny brought the Met Gala’s theme, Fashion in an Age of Technology, to the Kentucky Derby by wearing a glorious LED horsey pin that lit up and galloped every time someone tweeted #WatchMeNeighNeigh. That Nyquist (which sounds like the name of a cocktail made with NyQuil and Mist Twst aka Sierra Mist) horse won, but the true winner of the Kentucky Derby was Lawrence!

Don't forget to tweet using #WatchMeNeighNeigh to power @JohnnyGWeir's horse! pic.twitter.com/aEeLzK2mFT

— NBCSN (@NBCSN) May 7, 2016

When I stare at that pin, it makes the impossible possible. I think it made me gayer and I love it. All hail Lawrence!

Pics: Getty (For David and Erin)

* This is not true.

Candice Bergen (70)
Christy Mack (25)
Grace Gummer (30)
Audrina Patridge (31)
Rosario Dawson (37)
Matt Morris (37)
Andrew W.K. (37)
Daniel Franzese (38)
Chris Diamantopoulos (41)
Tamia (41)
Dylan Lauren (42)
Lisa Ann (44)
Ghostface Killah (46)
David Gahan (54)
John Corbett (55)
Amy Hill (63)
Alley Mills (65)
Billy Joel (67)
Clint Holmes (70)
James L. Brooks (76)
Albert Finney (80)
Glenda Jackson (80)

Channing Tatum recently announced that he’s bringing Magic Mike Live! to Las Vegas and will try to make coochies get so hot that they have to jump off of their owner’s body to run off and cool themselves in a bowl of ice water. But Magic Mike Live! has their work cut out for them, because over at Chippendales at the Rio, they’re delivering thrusting man crotches, greasy abs AND star power.

Chippendales sometimes has celebrity guest thrusters do a short residency, and they’ve already brought Steve Sanders and Tyson Beckford to the stage. And for 5 weeks, Antonio Sabato Jr., the star of General Hospital, Melrose Place, several fap-worthy Calvin Klein chonies ads and one of the best reality shit shows of 2009 My Antonio, will shake his ass and drop it low with the other Chippendales hot pieces.

This will only make sense to those of you watched General Hospital during its hot piece golden years (read: the 90s), but since Chippendales hired Antonio to strip for a few weeks, they should’ve made it a GH reunion by bringing in Steve Burton (aka Jason Morgan). Jagger and Jason thrusting their half-naked bodies next to each other on stage = 90s wet dreams coming true.

And here’s more of Antonio serving up some 47-year-old oily hotness at Chippendales last night. Antonio is a Trump supporter and that should ruin his hotness for me, but I still would, even with a backwards “Make America Great Again” hat on his head.

Pics: Wenn.com

That little speck next to Justin Bieber’s eye isn’t a mole, or a tick thirsty for his douche blood or a tiny splatter of caca that ended up on his face while his au pair changed his diaper. It’s his newest unholy work of tattoo art.

The Biebs posted that Emo picture on his Instagram last night, and since his crazed followers have memorized everything about him, they instantly spotted that new drop of ink on his mug. UsWeekly says that Justin added a new tattoo to his collection of ink art, which includes that sassy Jesus tattoo and his fapping knight tattoo. The source says that on Friday night, the Biebs and Joe Termini, the Jimbo Jones to his Nelson Muntz, got matching cross tattoo just below their eyes at the West 4th Tattoo Parlor in NYC.

That thing is so tiny, and I would make a joke about how that’s probably what Selena Gomez said the first time they got naked, but sadly, my eyeballs know that’s not true. But really, if you’re going to get a face tattoo, get a face tattoo. Don’t half-ass that shit. Go full Gucci Mane. That tiny cross tattoo just makes him look like a cholo altar boy. I bet that tiny cross tattoo wasn’t his first choice. I bet that he really wanted to show everyone how much of a badass he is by getting a teardrop tattoo, but even he knows he hasn’t earned one yet. Don’t worry, Biebs, when you get a perfect score on the Whac-A-Mole game at Boomer’s, you’ll be able to get that teardrop tattoo. Because you’ll officially be the most ruthless and hardest toddler at the arcade.

And here’s Biebs looking a mess in NYC on Friday night.

Pics: Splash, Instagram