According to my rough and probably not correct estimation, Victoria Beckham has appeared on the cover of a type of Vogue magazine approximately 1,854 times. I say “a type of Vogue“, because all her covers have been limited to the less-prestigious overseas versions of Vogue, like Vogue UK, Vogue Australia, Vogue India, and most recently – and hilariously – Vogue China. There was talk of Posh’s intensely sculpted cheekbones gracing the cover of American Vogue back in 2011, but that never happened. And it won’t happen if Posh keeps thinking thinking such pessimistic thoughts about how she’s getting too old to be not-smiling for the cameras.

According to The Sun (via The Daily Mail), Posh joked at the Vogue 100: A Century of Style exhibit on Thursday that she’s got to be nearing Vogue’s cover girl age expiration date.

“When I hear another Vogue cover has come up, I always say, ‘This is the last one, because I’m a bit of an old bag now. Surely this is the last one? I’m 42, I’ve got four kids.'”

Shortly after Posh called herself an “old bag” who was wishing bon voyage to her future Vogue shoots, The Daily Mail says that her rep reached out to them to say that she was “clearly joking” about being too old for Vogue, adding that she’s got “plenty of cover shoots under discussion for the future, Vogue and otherwise.” Then her rep picked up her phone and texted Anna Wintour: “LOL JK JK JK!!! Honestly, it was just a joke – Victoria is totally available any time for an American Vogue cover. She’s definitely not too old, right? She’s totally available to discuss a cover shoot later today if you have the time.”

But back to that thing about Posh being an “old bag.” Posh has barely aged since her finger-pointing days, so I honestly have no idea where she got the idea that she’s too old. Frankly, I’m shocked that Posh is 42-years-old. Not that she’s 42, but that she even has an age. I just assumed she had all forms of government-issued ID replaced years ago with a price tag that reads: “$VeryExpensiveAndFancy.“

If you’re dealing with a major post-Sunday hangover and trying to smile through the pain while at work, thank Johnny Depp for putting a face on that feeling.

Johnny and his longtime work husband Tim Burton’s latest CGI clusterfuck of a movie, Alice Through The Looking Glass, is coming out at the end of the month, so they’ve begun pimping it out. Expect to see many more pictures of Johnny looking like he just strolled out of the county jail at 7 in the morning after spending the night on the floor of a drunk tank because he was arrested for drunkenly exposing himself to tourists on the boardwalk in Atlantic City.

During a press conference with the cast of Alice in London yesterday, reporters asked Johnny about giving the greatest performance of his career in that apology video he was forced to make for illegally smuggling his Yorkies into Australia. While giving you “plastered uncle trying to tell a story  before passing out onto his mashed potatoes at the Thanksgiving dinner table,” Johnny once again made fun of the whole dog smuggling scandal by saying that he’s sorry to England for not sneaking his Yorkies in.

Johnny is basically laughing at Australia’s melodramatic asses and making a joke of the whole thing. Johnny better watch it. In that forced apology video, he looked like he was only saying those words because officials were holding pairs of scissors to his favorite scarves and bracelets. So if Johnny keeps laughing at Australia, that petty bitch Barnaby Joyce is going to leak behind-the-scenes footage of him crying and whining to officials to not harm his precious, precious soulmates. Who will be the badass then?

And here’s more of Johnny looking as pristine and fresh as a freshly bloomed lotus petal while posing with Sacha Baron Cohen and Mia Wasikowska.

Pics: Jon Furniss/Corbis/Splash

In this fast-paced, constantly-changing world we live in, there are still a few things you can count on. The sun will always rise in the east. The struggle will always be real. And if you go to see Lauryn Hill perform, there’s a very good chance she will show up long after she’s scheduled to. And that’s if she shows up at all, of course. The last time we checked in on Lauryn Hill, she had allegedly bailed on performing at the 2016 Grammys. This weekend Lauryn was scheduled to perform a show in Atlanta, GA, and surprise, UsWeekly says she showed up two hours late.

Lauren clearly wasn’t feeling all the impatient types rudely tapping at their pretend wristwatches when she finally did arrive, so she took to Facebook. After the cut is Lauryn’s long-ass open letter where she explains why she doesn’t show up on time. According to Lauryn, it’s not because she stopped giving a shit years ago; it’s because her energy isn’t always synced-up with the time.

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Seen above looking all sweaty and rode hard from (probably) having backseat fuck times on the car ride over, Idris Elba and his ex-girlfriend/baby mother #2 Naiyana Garth have probably gotten back together. So you can go ahead and remove that “Reserved for Idris Elba” sign from your punane…. for now.

Earlier this year, legs opened over 4 words: Idris Elba is single. It was reported that 43-year-old Idris and 28-year-old Niayana broke up and he moved his shit out of the house they shared together and moved into a new place nearby. Idris wanted to be near his and Niayna’s 23-month-old son Winston. It was rumored that Idris moved on from Niayana and put on some Blackberry-proof armor to get with his friend Naomi Campbell. But now it looks like he and Naiyana are back to bumping sex parts full-time.

Idris and Naiyana walked the carpet at the BAFTA TV Awards in London last night. Idris was nominated for Best Actor for Luther. He lost to Mark Rylance for Wolf Hall. Before Idris lost the award, he told reporters on the red carpet that he was dealing with a lost voice:

“I’ve lost my voice over the last two days so I’m a little bit nervous if I do win, I won’t have much to say.”

Okay, Idris Elba’s messed up vocal cords confirm that he and Naiyana are in a relationship again. Because in my experience, 98% of every relationship is spent screaming, “I hate you! Hell is too good for you! I regret the day I met your ass! I’d rather stick a wasabi pea in my piss hole than be with you for another second!“, at your piece and the other 2% is spent hollering during makeup sex.

Pics: Wenn.com

Thanks to Calvin Klein, I know that models nowadays book jobs based on how many people follow them on Instagram. Although I wasn’t aware that there was a hiring practice in Hollywood where your chances of getting cast in a movie were higher if you included your social media stats on the back of your headshot. But apparently that’s a thing, and Emma Thompson isn’t happy about it.

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On any given Saturday night, you’d usually find me passed out on a pile of fun size 3 Musketeers wrappers with a dried stream of red wine drool clinging to my face. But this past Saturday night, you’d find me smoking a cigarette in bed in between wiping the sweat off of my forehead with a cold wet towel after having some Photoshop fun with that picture of Prince Hot Ginge busting out a happy O face while grasping onto a bottle. Yes, that’s the most action I’ve had in years.

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