The Daily Mail says that sad man Tom Hiddleston recently told an unsexy story during an appearance on The Graham Norton Show about peeing on his Night Manager co-star Tom Hollander. They were filming in Mallorca and Tom Hollander decided to go for a swim. He swam into a group of jellyfish and one stung him. Tom Hiddleston claims Tom Hollander asked if he’d pull a Chandler and piss on his jellyfish sting.
“He shouted across the beach, ‘I say old sport could you come and pee on me?’ and I engagingly obliged. I’ve since read up on it and it don’t think it works – it’s an old wives’ tale.”
How kind of Tom to agree to pee on other Tom’s jellyfish sting. Except that’s not how Tom Hollander remembers it. Tom Hollander told the same story on The Jonathan Ross Show about a year ago. And according to Tom Hollander, it was Tom Hiddleston’s idea to pee on the sting. In fact, it sounds like he wasted no time in pulling out his dick and giving Tom Hollander a golden shower.
I feel like Kevin Costner in JFK. What’s the TRUTH, Tom? Did Tom Hiddleston volunteer or was he coerced into it? Does he do this all the time? Is he a re-pee-t pisser? Does he get his rocks off by waiting in the water hoping someone will scream “Ow, I got stung!“? Only the Toms know for sure.
Now I can’t help but wonder about those pics of Tom swimming in the ocean with Taylor Swift during the Fourth of July weekend. Especially that pic of Ryan Reynolds looking extremely uncomfortable in Tom and Taylor’s presence. Did something happen in the water that weekend, Ryan? What did you see?!?
Approximately 462 years ago (or 2, if you want to get technical like that), Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck announced that they were done with being married each other. Since then, there’s been tabloid story after tabloid story about how he wants her back and how he doesn’t want her back. Jennifer and Ben’s split has been dragged on for so long that following it is like watching The Accountant. It feels like it’s never going to end.
But if UsWeekly is telling the truth, then the end is near. The answer to the question, “What’s in Ben’s wallet?“, will soon be: folded up divorce papers. Sorry, but that damn Capital One commercial plays so many times that it lives in my mind now.
Nicole Kidman wears whatever the hell Nicole Kidman wants to wear on the red carpet. Example: above. Sometimes that works for her and sometimes it doesn’t. That kind of questionable couture selection has landed her on a number of Worst Dressed lists. But Nicole doesn’t cry Botox tears every time she ends up on one of those lists.
Nowadays whenever news about a celebrity’s divorce comes out, you gotta pull out a bottle of holy water-infused Febreze and prepare to spray, because usually some gross shit follows that news. It seems like most celebrities divorces have been getting beyond ugly and Lisa Marie Presley’s divorce is no exception.
Lisa Marie filed for divorce from her Tom-Petty-As-A-Tim-Burton-Villain-looking ass husband, Michael Lockwood, in June after 10 years of being married. Lisa Marie and Michael have twin 8-year-old daughters, Finley and Harper. Those daughters are now in the custody of the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services after Lisa Marie told the authorities that she found disturbing things on Michael’s computer. It was way more disturbing than pictures of Michael in various busted hats. It was allegedly some Subway Jared-type shit. TMZ says that what was found was serious enough for Finley and Harper to be taken away.
Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez couldn’t make it work, but at least they can still bond over their love of dating people who can’t remember watching Friends on Thursday nights.
Two months after Marc Anthony called it quits with his third wife Shannon De Lima (and days since their divorce was finalized), we’re finding out that 48-year-old Marc has a new girlfriend. And just like the last one, she’s a way-younger model. TMZ says that Marc has been rubbing his sensual skeletal bits on a 21-year-old model from Miami named Mariana Downing.
Fun fact: Mariana is two years younger than Marc’s daughter Ariana and five years older than his son Cristian.
Marc and Mariana got together shortly after Shannon hit the road back in November. They reportedly met at a dinner party. Marc and Mariana exchanged numbers, and he called her the next day. Marc and Mariana got real serious, real fast. She has accompanied him to one of his shows, and E! News says they spend New Year’s Eve together in the Dominican Republic.
Sources say they’ve been together ever since they met at that dinner party. Duh! Marc is middle-aged, rich and famous and Mariana is a hot young model. If they didn’t get together, I’m pretty sure none of us would be here today. The Earth would have shifted on its axis from the disruption in the universe. As the tides swallowed us whole, God would be standing there scratching his head in confusion, like “What the hell? This has never happened before.”
I know we joke a lot about Justin Bieber living his life like an unsupervised child with a checking account, but this latest stunt is straight out of elementary school. Back in May 2016, an indie artist named Casey Dienel accused Justin and Skrillex of jacking a sample from her song Ring The Bell and using it without permission in the opening of Sorry. TMZ says that Justin Bieber was scheduled to attend a deposition last week to give his testimony about that. We all know how seriously Justin Bieber takes depositions (not very). But this time he couldn’t even be bothered to show up. He called in sick. Coincidentally, I believe most people are sick to death of his bullshit. But Casey Dienel’s lawyers think he was faking and they’ve got receipts.