Kim Kardashian and Kanye West let Vogue into their house and it looks like a mausoleum, which makes sense and works since they’re dead inside. But what I really noticed is that Kim walks backwards a lot in this video, which means she’s a demon or just had her ass re-inflated and rotated and it wasn’t quite ready for the cameras yet. Or both! – Jezebel
Chris Pine is struttin’ that suburban tennis daddy ass while looking like he just saw something that caused him to bust out a, “Well, I do declare!” – Lainey Gossip
Years of playing crazies has led to Kate McKinnon to playing the crazy craziest of them all in a Hulu series – Just Jared
Rachel Dratch, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Maya Rudolph, and Ana Gasteyer are all in a movie that takes place in California wine country, and I’m ready for it, but I can’t help but picture Molly Shannon waiting at San Francisco International Airport for them to pick her ass up! – Pajiba
Pour out that venti Americano with a splash of almond milk from Starbucks (actually don’t, because that mess probably cost you like $45 and there’s no need to waste it on these two), because Ben Affleck and Lindsay Shookus have left us SHOOKus once again by delivering the sequel to their first break up. They have ended things again. My thoughts and prayers are with the entire coffee industry who are definitely shaking in fear over their future now that coffee’s IT couple has broken up. The shoulder of Juan Valdez’s donkey is probably covered in his tears as he cries on his sidekick over this awful news.
Twitter is at turns a cesspool of shitty ideas, the fetid corpse of civility, and a piping hot glass of rancid rancor. But every once in a while, it proves its worth to society by allowing us unprecedented freedom of expression. And by “us” I mean Jackée Harry and Jackée Harry only. We don’t need to hear from anybody else at this time. This week, one of those Twitter prompts was making the rounds that asked “what’s your most surreal celebrity encounter”? Leave it to Jackée to blow everybody’s wig to Kingdom Come by revealing that Eartha Kitt once slapped the shit out of her over a man. I tell you, I read that and needed resuscitation. It gave me the vapors and sympathetic diarrhea. Frankly, I am still trembling and just spilled my tincture of dilaudid all over myself.
Patti Labelle is coming out with her own hot new collection. No, not purses. No, not jewelry. No, not literally anything you’re thinking of. Unless you’re thinking of a collection of frozen Chinese make-at-home dinners, because then yes: you are correct. Patti is continuing her food-related entrepreneurial exploits and will be coming out with her very own brand of frozen Chinese food. If someone knows good Chinese food it’s… Patti LaBelle?
Jack Dorsey, the founder of Twitter and Square Cash, paid himself a salary of $1.40 last year. Those who don’t know Jack’s net worth might think that’s the reason why he barely eats, because all he can afford to eat is survival soup (made from snatched Taco Bell hot sauce packets and tap water taken from a public bathroom faucet). But Jack paid himself $1.40 since he doesn’t need the money and the $1.40 is in honor of Twitter’s old 140 characters. Jack only eats one meal per weekday because it makes his tech genius mind run better. So not only does he do himself up to look like a starving beach hobo, he eats like one too. I’m pretty sure that when you first look at your financials and notice you’re officially a billionaire, a setting in your brain clicks to: Time To Be As Weird As Fucking Possible.
Is it just me or is it getting chilly in here? I think I need to put on a sweater. I swear that lake of fire outside my window is looking positively frosty. Could it be that hell is finally freezing over? If so, that would explain the news that Wendy Williams has just filed for divorce from her husband and business partner of 22 years, Kevin Hunter. I mean, it’s about damn time, but dammit I’m cold!