True story: It was rainy and overcast in London today and just when everyone was about to sing (in their best Alanis Morissette voice), “It’s like raaaaaaaain on your wedding day,” to Meghan Markle, the clouds cleared, the sky turned blue and then sun came out when Oprah appeared!
Oprah was one of the first to show up at St. George’s Chapel for the royal wedding today, which made many brains poot out a “Que?” There’s a rumor that Oprah interviewed Meghan’s mother Doria Ragland, so some think that’s why she was invited to the wedding. But excuse you, while us regular humans may need an invitation to attend something like the royal wedding, Oprah doesn’t. Oprah just shows up and sits wherever she wants. I’d like to see one of those tricks ask Oprah if they can see her invitation. Their skin would end up embedded into the concrete after a lightning bolt from the heavens flattened them.
Oprah pretty much led the non-stop parade of stars that made it through that church today. There were so many celebrities that I thought diabolical red carpet gnome Ryan Seacrest was going to pop up with a mic to asks guests who they’re wearing, I mean, ask them awkwardly worded questions about #MeToo. Warning: Lots of celebrities went to today’s wedding so there’s lot of pictures to scroll through. So stretch your finger, put a workout belt on it, and keep a bottle of water handy for when it gets the heated sweats halfway through and needs to cool off.
Amal and George Clooney were there, as expected. Never mind her looking like a knock-off Colonel Mustard named Madame Mustard from an off-brand version of Clue, she was giving so much face to the photographers while struttin’ into the church. I’m surprised that she and George didn’t stay outside to pose for everyone as the wedding went down inside. They probably went inside because they heard there were cameras in there too.
Amal Clooney, with George Clooney arrives at the wedding of Prince Harry and Ms. Meghan Markle in a honey yellow midi dress with side tie detail in silk Cady, worn with head dress by Stephen Jones.#RoyalWedding pic.twitter.com/BPgaIu9fEc
— Stella McCartney (@StellaMcCartney) May 19, 2018
Posh and Becks! Prince Philip probably got the spook of his life when he dozed off in the middle of the ceremony, woke up, and caught a glimpse of miserable-faced Posh across the way from him. He thought that a fancy-dressed Grim Reaper was coming for him.
— British Vogue (@BritishVogue) May 19, 2018
— Vivienne Westwood (@FollowWestwood) May 19, 2018
Serena Williams and the Reddit guy
— Serena Williams (@serenawilliams) May 19, 2018
Kimberly Stewart and guest. No, that Marilyn impersonator is Joss “Hippie No More” Stone.
— EVOKE.ie (@EVOKE) May 19, 2018
— etalk (@etalkCTV) May 19, 2018
Carey Mulligan and Marcus Mumford
— ABC News (@ABC) May 19, 2018
Elton John, who savored that taste of Becks.
— Matt Spracklen (@MattSpracklen) May 19, 2018
Tom Hardy, who looked like he was having the time of his life.
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) May 19, 2018
Chelsy Davy, who is my favorite of PHG’s exes and either got a sudden case of the wet shits before the ceremony or realized that there was a chance the tiara could’ve been hers!
Lovely outfits from #royal wedding guests Chelsy Davy (Harry’s ex girlfriend), royal matchmaker Violet von Westerholz and Harry’s cousin Lady Kitty Spencer looking sensational. pic.twitter.com/NlquMsjwIf
— Emily Andrews (@byEmilyAndrews) May 19, 2018
— Entertainment Weekly (@EW) May 19, 2018
Patrick J. Adams, who played Meghan’s husband on Suits, and his wife, one of the Pretty Little Liars.
— The Cut (@TheCut) May 19, 2018
— Spooky Island (@dimiginger_mars) May 19, 2018
Duchess Kate, who was either throwing a side at Duchess Camilla for being Duchess Camilla or threw a side at her for wearing a hat that looked like a Juju hat made by an old white lady using pink construction paper.
— BellaRoo (@BellaRoo2U) May 19, 2018
Doria Ragland, who isn’t a celebrity, but was my best dressed, because her ensemble was the color of pistachio ice cream (fuck you if you think pistachio ice cream is gross) and her hat didn’t look like it was about to take flight, which is also a negative now that I think about it.
Princess Beatrice, who sadly kept the toilet hat at home, and Princess Eugenie, who must’ve had an audition for a community theater production of Pan Am: The Musical right after the wedding.
— TooFab (@TooFab) May 19, 2018
The Original Fergie
— Chatelaine (@Chatelaine) May 19, 2018
Idris Elba, who probably had that place smelling like several dozen different flavors of panty pudding. I’m way too focused on Idris to comment on how his fiancee got over-Gucci’d.
— gucci (@gucci) May 19, 2018
And finally, THE ONE AND ONLY JACINDA BARRETT! Yeah, Jacinda’s husband is in Suits, but that’s not why they were invited. Nobody really knew the small unknown town that is London until Jacinda starred on The Real World: London in 1995. Jacinda pretty much put London on the map (even though she’s Australian).
Some people called PHG and Meghan’s wedding an “all-star” event. I pfft’d at that until I saw that Jacinda from The Real World: London was there. Now I’m totally okay with it being called “all-star”!