The Summer Olympics are still 10 months away, so there’s plenty of time to add guinea pig tug-o-war to the list of events. This is what the Olympics needs! This video of two guinea pig sisters fighting over a blade of grass has been watched over 40 million times since it was uploaded to Facebook a few days ago. 39.9 million of those views probably came from me. Some people have called this video a “Lady and the Tramp” moment. Those people are disgusting! These guinea pigs are sisters and their names are Grace and Suzie, not Kylie and Kendall.
Gracie and Suzie (sisters) play tug of war in slow motion! ❤️ Jukin Media Verified (Original)* For licensing / permission to use: Contact – licensing(at)jukinmediadotcom
Posted by Bivoir Cavies on Friday, October 2, 2015
The only way this video could get any better is if they were both drunk and were on a raft in North Carolina.
Here’s Renee Zellweger in London today shooting scenes for Bridget Jones’s Baby, which follows the events leading after Bridget is abducted by aliens who changed her face and put an alien fetus in her body before returning her to earth. That plot hasn’t been confirmed, but I’m going to go ahead and go with it. I’m also going to guess that sometime during the movie, Elmo and Big Bird come after Bridget Jones for viciously murdering and skinning their friend Cookie Monster. Yeah, Bridget Jones is getting extra dark the third time around.
Dreamy has reportedly quit that crackhead life completely and is now living in a small French town where he goes antiquing with his girlfriend and plays some game called pétanque in his garden. Dreamy says that his days of injecting dragon chasing fuel into his eyeballs and getting caught up in the overdose deaths of heiresses are long behind him. Dreamy is sober after spending a long time in rehab and he’s back to work with The Libertines. The Libertines have a new album out and they’ve been touring a bit. They were supposed to play a show in London last month, but they canceled at the last minute after Dreamy had some sort of “medical emergency.” They claim that “medical emergency” isn’t PR code for “Dude fell off the wagon again and landed mouth first onto a crack pipe.” Dreamy had a panic attack just hours before he was supposed to go on stage. But he’s all better now and last night, he made an appearance at the Saint Laurent show in Paris where he flashed those gorgeous butt corn teeth and gave us hobo Chuckie Finster. Looking hot, Dreamy!
And now that we’re all caught up with Dreamy, you can go ahead and lick on his teeth freckles, because I know you want to.
Pics: Splash, FameFlynet UK
Behold, Benji Madden’s hot new edgy scalp tattoo that probably took hours upon hours to do and left him with the kind of headache I get after listening to 2 Good Charlotte songs in a row.
While leaving some restaurant in West Hollywood last night, Cameron Diaz’s husband gave the paps a good look at the scalp tattoo that makes him look like The Last Airbender if The Last Airbender grew up, moved to Florida, became a goth cult leader and also ran a meth lab in his garage. So he looks like The Last Methbender, basically. The good thing about that tattoo is that Benji can tell everybody that no, he’s not shaving his head because he’s balding. He shaves his head to show off his hot new edgy scalp tattoo, thankyouverymuch.
And Cameron Diaz’s drunk ass was so drunk last night that she fell over. Or maybe she wasn’t drunk at all and she fell over when she was once again hit with the realization that every time she looks down while her husband is licking her cooch, she’ll have to stare at the giant stained glass tattoo on his head.
The premiere of American Horror Story: Hotel was held last night in Los Angeles, and if I were to guess by these pictures of Lady Gaga serving up ten tons of I’m an actress now FACE on the red carpet, I’d say she was the star of this shit. Obviously that’s not true, since any cast that includes life legend Kathy Bates means that Kathy Bates is the star. (Note: This rule changes if Jessica Lange is on the call sheet, but since she’s not in AHS: Hotel., Kathy Bates takes her place). So really, Gaga needs to step aside and see if she can use those posing hands of hers to carry Kathy Bates’ purse or something.
Here’s more of Gaga doing her best version of Angelina Jolie at the Oscars (which ends up looking like Lady Gaga at a Real Housewives of New Jersey audition) at the AHS: Hotel premiere. I’ve also included everyone who was able to steal some of the spotlight from Gaga, because damn if they didn’t have to work their asses off for it, and they deserve some recognition for their efforts.
Looking hot’s arch nemesis Jared Leto is currently in Paris for Paris Fashion Week. And because Jared Leto is an artsy type who loves couture and looking a mess, he decided to stroll down la rue wearing what can only be described as what happens when fashion gets a rough case of food poisoning after eating some questionable buffet shrimp. I see a cape blanket thing, I see a tie-dye t-shirt, I see leggings, I see random zippers, I see more colors than an acid trip. I also see some greasy bubblegum pink Manic Panic hair buffoonery on the head of a 43 year old man, but I love my brain too much to start questioning why that is happening.
But back to that outfit. Suicide Squad wrapped filming back in August, so I have no idea why Jared Leto is still dressing like The Joker. Actually, no. The Joker wouldn’t. This is more like The Joker’s younger brother, The Jester (spelled Jesstyr, of course), who dropped out of Gotham Villain School to become an aspiring stylist in whatever Gotham’s version of Brooklyn is. I’m joking, but we all know that
if when Hollywood decides to reboot Suicide Squad four years from now for the Instagram generation, that will totally be the plot.
After thirty layers of puke covered my eyeballs from looking at that nasty Bill Cosby picture, I needed an extra-strength palate cleanser and I got one in the form of Grace Jones busting out some Legends Gone Wild shit during a signing for her memoirs at the Barnes & Noble in NYC’s Union Square last night. Grace Jones showed up two hours later, but she made it up to her loyal subjects by gracing their eyes with her 67-year-old nipple knobs.
Everybody in that place better have bowed down to Grace’s nips. Because long before copycat wannabes like Miley Cyrus, Lady CaCa and RiRi were sucking on their mama’s tetes, Grace’s nipples were partying with the best of them. I’m sure that on any given night at Studio 54, you could find Grace’s right nipple cutting a line for Bianca Jagger while her left nipple stirred a martini for Andy Warhol. Those nipples have seen and done it all. They’re still at it too. I heard that at last night’s signing, she gave her fingers the night off and signed copies of her book with her do-it-all nips.
There’s not one ounce of sarcasm in that headline. Because the only reason to go to a boring batball, or whatever you call it, game is to buy a churro or a hot dog and to take hundreds upon hundreds upon hundreds upon hundreds upon hundreds upon hundreds of selfies with it and your friends. Everybody knows that!
The only time you stop taking selfies is to do 1 of the following: 1) Check to see if you look hot in the thousands of selfies you just took. 2) Upload those selfies to Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. 3) Make a Snapchat and host a Periscope stream, a Meerkat stream, a Hedgehog stream and a Prairie Dog stream. I mean, what kind of crazies go to a sports game and actually watch what’s happening on the field? That’s just weird.
These girls from Arizona State University’s Alpha Chi Omega sorority had the right idea at last night’s game between some team and another team. At one point, the camera caught these American heroes in action and the commentator dudes made fun of them:
Those commentator dudes sound like no cameraphone-having olds. If anybody was being rude at that game it was the players for playing while these girls are trying to take selfies. I mean, baseball isn’t America’s favorite pastime anymore. Selfie taking is!
It’s been 15 days, 20 hours, 43 minutes and 10 seconds since I first posted about Prince Hot Ginge’s latest face fur of fuego and it’s getting thicker and hotter. Any of us with half-working brains and eyes can easily say that Prince Hot Ginge’s beard is currently the hottest beard on earth. (Sorry, Irina Shayk. You’re the second hottest beard on earth.) The half ring of fire on PHG’s face makes him look like a hot piece version of Yukon Cornelius from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Just imagine him screaming, “LAND HOOOO,” as he humps on you.
Today, PHG worked harder than any other royal ever, because he walked, talked and waved at the same time. PHG is currently walking a thousand miles with a six-member team for one of his favorite charities, Walking with the Wounded. My heart (and other parts) will always belong to PHG, but one of his teammates, the silver fox daddy, is also doing things to me. Having a threesome with them would be like getting spit-roasted by fire and ice. And when your mouth starts to burn and needs cooling and your down low parts start to freeze and need warming, they can switch!
I would think that just being at a Katy Perry show would make you feel like you’re all the way high on some strong shit, because her and her dancers are always done up like characters from your weirdest acid trip. So I can only imagine what it’s like to be on molly too. One of Katy Perry’s Brazilian fans found out what that’s like during her show at Rock in Rio.
While looking like a rejected She-Ra character, Katy Perry brought up one of her fans, because that’s what everyone does nowadays. Well, not everyone. You have to have at least 10 IMDB credits and/or a top 100 song on iTunes to grace the stage with the uppity broom known as Taylor Swift. But Katy Perry is a pop star of the people, so she brought up a fan who was obviously rolling in the deep. That fan groped on Katy, hung on her and whispered sweet nothings into her ear. Chick was so high she probably thought Katy Perry was a melted sherbet cone. That fan got on Katy Perry like her name was Joe Biden and props to Katy Perry for not slapping a trick down.
And yesterday, I posted a video of a mom cat, a son cat and a snail friend having a moment together. They were obviously all on molly. This Katy Perry video is just like that pussy snail video except it’s not adorable and has way more chichis in it.