Category: Open Post

Open Post: Hosted By Sour Patch Kids Cereal

November 17, 2018 / Posted by:

Aren’t your eyes weeping and your lips puckering after reading that headline? A milky bowl of sour-flavored cereal will soon be a real thing in your universe. Post is coming out with Sour Patch Kids Cereal. I hope this cereal’s appearance gets side-eyes and treefulls of shade from Toucan Sam and the rest of the cereal characters when this monstrosity goes up on shelves beside them.

The cereal will only be available at Wal*Mart until the new year, when it will hit other retailers. THis mess will reportedly change from sour to sweet when you eat it. They can make magic cereal but they can’t cure major disease. Why?

According to a press release from Post, the cereal will feature a “sour coating” and a “sweet finish.”

As a child and obviously a budding masochist, I would happily consume Sour Patch Kids by the bagful because eating enough of them made my eyes tear up and my face implode and look like an injured aquatic creature. I try to avoid those states as an adult, but it was always fun to torture oneself as a child. Did anyone else eat Pop Rocks and drink Coke at the same time? In hopes of exploding? I might have been an odd child.

Pic: Twitter

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Open Post: Hosted By Shania Twain Admitting She’s Pulled A Fergie

November 16, 2018 / Posted by:

You might say taking a mid-concert bathroom break don’t impress her much. Just when the country was finally getting over Fergie taking a leak during a concert, we have to find out ANOTHER diva is prone to have a post-ballad wee on the mainstage. The drinks were flowing last night on Watch What Happens Live, and Andy Cohen played a guessing game with Shania Twain and Patricia Arquette did silly shit. The question came to who had peed on stage before, and unless it was Patricia on karaoke night, it was easy to figure out who was the pisser. Andy guessed Shania and he was right.

Shania made it out like it isn’t that big of a deal and performers do it all the time. Props to her! I don’t want to lollygag around after Come On Over while she has to run down the hall to a bathroom! Unlike Fergy-Ferg making it well known with the stain on her pants, Shania was a crafty gal when it came to concealing her own full bladder:

“I stood up from my chair to get up and sing, I peed myself and the puddle? I just knocked my glass of water over. I was wearing a skirt, thankfully.”

Meanwhile, poor Fergie looked like she peed and then went back to dry hump the puddle before her rendition of “Don’t Phunk With My Heart” could begin. You can check out the whole Shania pee-gate explanation below:

Pic: YouTube

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Open Post: Hosted By Viola Davis’ Juice Cleanse Fail

November 15, 2018 / Posted by:

Viola Davis was on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon on Tuesday night to promote Widows. She says that during filming, they had a makeup artist on set who encouraged everyone to take part in a 28-day cleanse. The only food they could consume had to be sipped, since chewing and sucking were forms of “aggression.” To be honest, aggressive sucking sounds like a whole lot of people’s idea of a good time, but apparently not for that makeup artist. Viola says she decided to participate, because she wanted to release her anger.

“This was going to be a game changer for me. We had to do it for 28 days. I lasted for two days. I was in the damn Jacuzzi one day and my niece called, and she pissed me off so damn bad…I went upstairs, ate a hamburger. Went to the drive through at McDonald’s. Couldn’t drink alcohol, had a big thing of vodka with soda water and lemon.

And the next day, [the makeup artist] was like, ‘Now Viola, how is it all going?’. I said, ‘I don’t have time for this. I need my anger, I’ve got a chip on my shoulder, I’ve always had a chip on my shoulder, and it works for me. Because if I don’t let this stuff out, I’m going to blow up.'”

Viola should have seen this one coming. If she didn’t mess around with the on-set shenanigans of Jared Leto, what makes her think she could deal with hunger for a month? Her response to that cleanse was the same as I had when I tried to do a week-long juice cleanse. I too managed two days, and drove myself straight to McDonald’s to eat three cheeseburgers in a parking lot. Hmmm…I think we just discovered McDonald’s newest potential marketing strategy.

Pic: Wenn.com

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Open Post: Hosted By The “ALF” Reboot That Probably Isn’t Happening Anymore

November 13, 2018 / Posted by:

Back in August we learned that the latest TV show from the ’80s that was about to get the reboot treatment was ALF. It made sense, since ALF ran for four seasons from 1987 to 1990 and spawned a cartoon, a late-night talk show, and Milhouse Van Houten’s favorite Pogs. But according to TV Line, the proposed ALF reboot is dead.

ALF was proposed to be rebooted by Warner Bros. Television with original writers Tom Patchett and Paul Fusco. It stands to assume we’d find out what happened to ALF after he skipped town for the colony of New Melmac at the end of the 4th season. That’s still up for interpretation, as TV Line reports that the reboot “is not moving forward at this time” after it failed “to attract a suitor.”

That’s fancy TV insider talk for not being able to land a network or a production company.

I can’t imagine it’s done for good. Just done for right now, maybe. And that’s a smart choice, because I just don’t think ALF could really work in 2018. ALF’s whole thing was being a high-maintenance menace while hiding out in The Valley from the U.S. Military’s Alien Task Force. A narcissistic alien with boundary issues like ALF would blow his cover the second he discovered the iPhone and how much attention he could get on Instagram by posting selfies with the family cat.

Pic: YouTube

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Open Post: Hosted By Nicki Minaj Thirsting After Michael B. Jordan

November 12, 2018 / Posted by:

You might say she’s a fan of Black Panther. Last night was the PR Paid For This People’s Choice Awards on E!, and the award winner for Female Artist of 2018 and Album of the Year may not have been well-received in Cardi B’s camp. Nicki Minaj won both, but rather than taunt her usual sparring partner (there’s plenty of time for that in Part 900 of Queen Radio!), she seemed to be telling the world she was horny as hell.

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