Category: Open Post

Open Post: Hosted By Josh Brolin Flashing His Bare Nalgas For Standing Rock

December 5, 2016 / Posted by:

It looks like Josh Brolin has replaced “whiskey-fueled bar fights with “getting ass naked on Instagram” as his favorite pastime. When the Instagram THOT-in-training isn’t farting up his new wife’s ass on Instagram, he’s farting up his own. And like any good aspiring Instagram THOT, Josh looks for any excuse to slap the eyes of his followers with his naked 48-year-old body. Case in point: Barbra Streisand’s stepson celebrated Standing Rock’s victory by taking his chonies off and recreating The Lion King poster, for some reason. Praise Josh Brolin’s savior ass cheeks for saving Saving Rock! It was actually really brave of Josh to do that, because some hawk could’ve mistook his peen for a snake in trauma and tried to snatch it up.

Josh Brolin dropped in this caption with the pic:

Celebrate Standing Rock. #protectthesacred #humbled #reallife

If Josh did this before the pipeline project was finally stopped, for now, I would’ve suspected that he was an evil secret agent working for the oil transportation companies. Because one look at a naked, current day Josh Brolin walking naked at Standing Rock would’ve made the Sioux throw up their hands and say, “Okay, okay, MERCY! We give up!

But what’s really offensive about that picture of Josh is that he didn’t give us a view of the front and add the caption: “My standing rock stands with Standing Rock!” Josh is probably saving that one for later.

Pic: Instagram


Open Post: Hosted By Madge’s Possibly New Ass

December 3, 2016 / Posted by:

Last night, Madonna put on a benefit performance for her Raising Malawi charity during Art Basel in Miami aka “When Celebrities Pretend They’re Art History Majors.” Ariana Grande, currently set to star on NBC as the most listless Penny Pingleton ever in Hairspray Live!, joined her on stage. During the show, Madge twerked her 58-year-old ass for the audience. I should probably go back and put a strikethrough through “58-year-old” because something looked suspiciously brand new about Madge’s buttcheeks. Well, maybe “bigger” would be the proper adjective to use here.

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Open Post: Hosted By Elegance Squared

December 2, 2016 / Posted by:

Speaking of Barbie

The city of Beverly Hills temporarily became the holy epicenter of organic elegance last night when Penthouse Barbie (on the right) posed with Real Doll Skipper (on the left) at an exclusive event. It’s actually a miracle that picture was able to be taken. Because any mere mortal would immediately pass out backwards as soon as they saw the MOST GORGEOUS CREATURE IN THE WORLD, Shauna Sand, touch the second MOST GORGEOUS CREATURE IN THE WORLD, Courtney Stodden. That picture must’ve been taken with an iPhone on a tripod that was cemented to the floor.

Not since Courtney Stodden and Phoebe Price cracked camera lenses with their piping hot glamorous poses has there been such an iconic pairing of sophistication, gorgeousness and gentility. The Porn Iguana posted this stunningly important work of art on Instagram, and I’m sure the Uffizi Museum in Florence is trying to contact her. Because I bet that they want to replace Botticelli’s Birth of Venus with this. Who need some lady standing in your grandma’s shell soap dish when you can have these non-biodegradable goddesses! The Porn Iguana and The Empress of Lucite are like the Barbi Twins as seen through the eyes of GOD!

I would tape that picture to the ceiling above my bed, but every morning, I’d have a heart attack from being exposed to that much all-natural beauty and I don’t think my dog can learn how to use a defibrillator.

And here’s the Porn Iguana delivering more raw demureness while posing with some of Marilyn Monroe’s old stuff at that event last night.

Pics: Splash, Instagram

Open Post: Hosted By The First Official Pictures From Lifetime’s Brit Brit Biopic

December 1, 2016 / Posted by:

You probably took one look at Basic Cable Britney making a “WHY?” face and you thought, “I co-sign your thoughts, Basic Cable Britney.” Well, I don’t co-sign, because these pictures from Lifetime’s latest historical zero-budget masterpiece are everything I’ve wanted and more. These pictures are the bottomless Venti Frapp to my Britney.

Lifetime gave TVLine the first official pictures from their future Emmy-sweeping Brit Brit biopic, which is using the working title of Britney and comes out in February. If I didn’t tell you that these pictures were from a Britney movie, you’d probably think these were rejected pictures from a 90s-era dELiA*s catalog. That picture above is supposed to be of Britney (played by Natasha Bassett) and Kevin Federline (played by Clayton Chitty, that last name…), but since she looks like she’s gotta go gotta go gotta go right now, it looks more like a still from a Detrol LA ad starring two randoms.

These pictures are all trash and I would expect nothing but the worst from Lifetime and that’s why I love them.

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Open Post: Hosted By The Triumphant Return Of Puerto Rican Legend Iris Chacón!

November 30, 2016 / Posted by:

You truly haven’t seen raw sex and unadulterated glamour until you’ve gone through every Iris Chacón video on YouTube. While watching Iris’ old performances one day, I got a strange craving for a Michelob, I downloaded every season of Impractical Jokers and I ordered cargo shorts from Duluth Trading Company. So, I’m pretty sure her videos temporarily turned me straight.

If Iris Chacón never shook her spectacular rellenos de papa ass in the old days, Jennifer Lopez would be absolutely nothing today! The former HSOTW covered her homeland of Puerto Rico and beyond with layers upon layers of sequined sexiness as a dancer, singer and actress in the 70s, 80s and 90s. It’s strange that a picture of Iris’ legendary nalgas never became Puerto Rico’s official flag. Iris also had her own TV variety show for years and was on a few talk shows, including her iconic appearance on David Letterman’s show. Well, Iris is finally back!

In what some are calling her “comeback performance,” 66-year-old Iris brought the hotness in pantyhose and Capezio character shoes while performing for a sold out crowd in San Juan yesterday. Okay, it’s not confirmed that it was sold out, but how could it not be? It’s Iris Chacón!

At around the 0:42 mark in the video below, Iris gets the abuelitas off of their feet with her hot moves:

With that, none of you can ever say that I only post about talentless trash. Because that right there is a real star! And Iris is and forever will be Mariah Carey’s fashion idol.

Pics: Splash


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