If you’re anything like me, Sunday nights already fill you with a creeping sense of dread accompanied by a lingering film of anxiety and malaise. So when ABC announced that it just picked up 8 episodes of Sundays With Alec, an hour long interview show modeled after Alec Baldwin‘s podcast with a premiere to be aired immediately following the Academy Awards, I just went ahead and slit my wrists preemptively. I’m a ghost now and frankly, I think it’s for the best.
Emoji mogul, Slut Walk founder, and now talk show host Amber Rose has something to say. Has she a talk show? Good on her! This clip (see below) didn’t irritate me. It’s because Amber’s ENORMOUS boobs transfixed me. They look like she’s yoked two feeding piglets. Those are some mammaries. Tits aside, Amber used her new VH-1 talk show as a platform from which to provide the earth with her take on the Kim and Kanye Kardashian-West vs. Taylor Swift situation. Did Amber attend the #KimExposedTaylorParty? Did she add a snake emoji to that deceptive Laura Ingalls Wilder impersonator’s Instagram? Kinda.
USWeekly reports that Amber, admitting that she’s not her ex MC Finger Puppet’s “biggest fan,” cited the 2009 VMAs “Ima let you finish“ incident as evidence that Kanye wouldn’t go in on Tay Tay again.
“It was just a very hard time for him,” she recalled. “I watched people say that they did not want to work with him anymore because of it. … I know that Kanye would never ever go through that again by not calling Taylor and say, ‘Heads up, I’m about to go write this verse real quick. Just wanted to make sure you’re cool with it,’” Rose said. “I know that about Kanye.”
“So, I say all of that to say: Why didn’t I get a phone call for using a naked wax figure in your video, Kanye?” Rose said to the camera, referring to West’s controversial “Famous” music video, which features a bevy of famous faces naked in bed with the musician. “I mean, Taylor gets a call but I don’t get a call. … Please stay the f–k out of the news so I don’t need to talk about your ass anymore.”
Wiser words have NEVER been spoken. Make sure that applies to the WHOLE family, Yeezus.
Check out more pics of Amber Rose filming her show on Hollywood Blvd. on Wednesday below.
Patsy Stone (real name: Joanna Lumley) risked getting the taste of Angel snatch and Victoria’s Secret passion fruit lube in her mouth to show supermodel collector Leonardo DiCatchAHo how a seasoned woman gives it. Patsy Stone wouldn’t normally lick on Leonardo even if he fell out of a vodka bottle, but it’s Thanksgiving week in America and she felt it was only right to give a little something to an unfortunate soul who hasn’t ever tasted a true goddess. Patsy Stone also did it, because she’s on the Brooklyn set of Scorsese’s The Wolf of Wall Street and she’s getting a check to do it.
This is totally the reason why Leonardo will put an end to his Angel-chasing days. Would an Angel ever finger fuck his nostril while kissing? A prude, bland Angel would never. That’s what separates the goddesses from the angels. So yeah, you can go ahead and cancel Leonardo’s subscription to the VS Angel of the Month Club, because he’s hooked. What’s that saying Madonna has tattooed on her taint? Once you go cougar, you never go cub.
RiRi can’t go through a photo shoot without the photographer, assistants, stylists, the dude who keeps the chips bowl full and everybody else in the studio getting two eye fulls of her titty knobs. Just like the dude who lived across from me when I lived in the East Village a few years ago, bitch always to have her titties out. (Side note: You haven’t lived in NYC until you’ve looked out your living room window and watched a fat, hairy white dude sing out loud while cooking. Fuck city views, I want singing bear views.)
And Kate Moss is just like RiRi, she’s gotta make sure everybody has seen her boobs more than they’ve seen their own. So when V Magazine (via Fashionista) put Kate and RiRi in a shoot together, of course they brought their chichis out and took turns whipping each other like a straight dude’s dream version of a lesbian Fifty Shades of Grey (Fifty Shades of Flannel?). Speaking of dreams, this is also a coke dealer’s idea of the perfect threesome. I’m sure that the carbon monoxide detector in the studio started screaming, because it smelled chemical gas wafting out of RiRi and Kate Moss’ noses and it went off just to be safe.
And here’s RiRi’s video for that Diamonds song. Bitch is running from cars, rubbing on some white Chris Brown arm, staring at the Northern Lights and cutting up her lungs by trying to smoke rhinestones.
Well, I liked the part with the horse…
And it’s world champion corned beef eater Patrick “Deep Dish” Bertoletti. This video from TMZ.com totally clenched it for me. Dude can not only scarf it down (ladies, you know what I’m thinking) but watch him kill two bottles of Manischewitz in just a few seconds. He even has them taped to his hands…now that is the kind of commitment I’m looking for.
Since I am not a professional blogger (read: derr, I couldn’t figure out how to post the vid), you’ll have to click the link. I tried everything and now my brains have boiled and poured out of my ear holes. Thank Gawd he’ll only care about my body anyway.
I love my beer, but I can’t even hold a candle to this. Step the fuck off Tara Reid, he’s mine! Finally, my soul mate. If he can score the good shit, I’m so on a plane right now.
The noun “glamour” and the name “JLo” go together like Skeletor and solid foods, but Glamour Magazine still defied logic by naming her as one of their Women of the Year in some ceremony at Carnegie Hall in NYC last night. They gave her an ugly trophy that looks like a Target logo orgy and asked her to pose with the Claymation goddess who designed the dress she wore last night. WRONG MOVE.
On her own, JLo mugs the camera like the lens is an extra hung Q-tip and she’s a Botoxed Siamese cat in heat. But when you put JLo next to the exquisitely crafted Donatella Versace, her face falls into a state of natural demureness. Bitch looks so “made from the earth” next to Donatella. And we all know that natural is out for 2011! So JLo needs to follow the exit signs and let the glorious Candy Kong Muppet take in all the camera clicks.
JLo also needs to hand Donatella that trophy, because glamour IS a woman who is put together with Silly Putty and whose jowls tells us that she mines for diamonds with her mouth on the weekends. Fall back, JLo! Actually, JLo probably did fall back when she let go of Donatella and down came that bobble head toward her.