Stanley Tucci has a massive cock-
tail repertoire. In a recent Instagram post, Stanley got tongues a’waggin’ and mouths a’droolin’ by demonstrating what he can do using just his bare hands and a couple of ice cubes. Stanley made my favorite cocktail— elixir of bespectacled cue ball in a tight polo shirt, also known as a Negroni. Stanley’s demonstration of how to properly craft a thirst quencher had the opposite effect, causing a mighty thirst on Twitter for Stanley’s quiet confidence and moderately hairy forearms.
Here’s Stanley’s post. Word of warning: Stanley is a stern teacher and won’t put up with cheap shenanigans or cheap vermouth.
What a tease. Making his wife (Felicity Blunt, Emily’s sister) beg for the cocktail he offered to make her, and then taking the first sip!?! Now is not the time for edging. Maybe because this far into the Quoronatine (™), we’re all sick to death of the slovenly beast that greets us each morning in the mirror, and are repulsed by our own woefully lowered standards (I had a Tito’s & Tap this weekend— that’s a slug of vodka straight from the bottle with the dregs from a lukewarm glass of tap water that was sitting on my desk all day as a chaser), a man in an outfit (as opposed to a housefit) putting in even just a little bit of effort, is all it takes. Stanley and his cocktail shaker are trending on Twitter.
not to be horny on main but stanley tucci doing a cocktail masterclass on igtv is the most erotic thing in the world pic.twitter.com/LphyhHHKS8
— lucy ford⁷ (@lucyj_ford) April 20, 2020
I want Stanley Tucci to manhandle me the way he slams down his cocktail ingredients pic.twitter.com/W9Fg3YCQOV
— James Besanvalle (@JamesBesanvalle) April 21, 2020
I don't know why Stanley Tucci is trending but he could ruin me pic.twitter.com/mon56ZQ30v
— clint🏅 (@dclintf) April 21, 2020
An Ode to Stanley Tucci's Forearms
When Stanley's cooking dinner
his sleeves get in the way.
But when he rolls them up
it makes us feel some kind of way.
It's not just that they're hairy,
or muscular, or tan.
It's all these things and more
that give us no choice but to stan. pic.twitter.com/tm0uIDx1aF
— Philip Ellis (@Philip_Ellis) April 21, 2020
There’s just one problem with Stanley’s Negroni (besides the fact that the Negroni is the most dangerous cocktail name). As any annoying person who likes to ruin things just so they can be right will tell you (it me), a Negroni should never be shaken. It should be stirred. But I’m sure Stanley knows this. He only put it in the shaker so he could show off his ropy biceps. Stanley’s no sophisticated patron saint of arts and culture. He’s a thirsty ass ho who’s bored and looking for attention, just like the rest of us!