Christopher Meloni Accepts That He’s A Zaddy
There’s always been one Chris glaringly missing from the Great Chris conversation and that’s 60-year-old Christopher Meloni, but I think it’s because he’s so hot it’s not fair to Chris Hemsworth‘s arms. Also, he sometimes goes by the full “Christopher” because he’s Zaddy-style–and he knows it. Christopher “Ass That Physically Cannot Quit” Meloni talked about it with Interview magazine and there was an accompanying photoshoot so thirst-quenching of the gays that Nick Jonas must be absolutely screeching somewhere in rage for not coming up with it first.
While talking to Interview’s Ben Barna, Christopher tiptoed carefully around his love of cops and then talked about his award-deserving set of cakes, his acceptance of being a zaddy, and his thoughts on Law & Order: SVU fans wanting to see Olivia Benson and Elliot Stabler fuck:
“I don’t want to get too heavy, but my relationship with cops is great, and there’s no higher compliment than when a cop comes up to me and gives me props.”
On his glutes:
“This is what has happened. I’ve been blessed with glutes that have an attractive shape. But I have a trainer, and we’re going through bodybuilding phases, and where everyone kind of caught me was that I’d been preparing for one year in a very high-intensity weight training program that actually focused on legs. So I guess you could argue that the glute-peeping public are now reaping the benefits of all that hard work.”
On the Olivia Benson and Elliot Stabler shippers:
“Meaning that if you’re an Elliot and Olivia shipper, you’re thirsting to see their relationship be consummated? That’s like asking me to try to stop the northbound train by lying down on the track. That’s a third-rail question.”
On being a high school quarterback:
“It was awesome being one. You’re basically number one on the call sheet. The younger kids were in awe of you, but I’m not designed to buy into the hype. I just wanted to win, which we did. The fact that we were undefeated was the true goal.”
On his title of “zaddy“:
“I’ve been called that a lot, and who am I to argue with it? Sure, I’m a zaddy.”
Here are pictures from his photoshoot which make me want to say: “Crush my head with your dumbells, Sir,” so I should probably speak to a therapist.
And more pictures of Christopher Meloni serving 80s sexiness:
Christopher Meloni is like King of Zaddies. He’s who Chris Cuomo wishes he could be. This is a photoshoot out of some kind of gay-baiter generator. The crop top with a full treasure trail? That one where his arms are up and there’s under-nipple showing? I’m literally offended–someone call Law & Order: Queer Baiting. This is some serious pandering. And during Pride Month?!