For some reason known only to himself, Tom Brady seems determined to make being an inattentive parent his primary personality trait. I mean, I understand that a void needs to be filled, but usually that kind of problem can be solved by pretending to be into craft beer or cryptocurrency. He’s even had his wife Gisele Bündchen perpetuate his ghost dad mystique. Two years ago Tom told Howard Stern that Gisele had to write him a letter practically begging him to participate in their home life and maybe like, I don’t know, learn what grade their kids Vivian Lake, 9, and Benjamin Rein, 12 are in for starts. Tom also “shares” 14-year-old son Jack with his ex Bridget Moynahan.
At the time, Tom admitted that as soon as his football season was over, he’d “be like, ‘Great, let me get into all of my other business activities.” Well, Gisele can finally take a breath because Tom has figured out a way to mix business with, not pleasure (pleasure is for the weak), but with familial duty. According to Us Weekly, Tom admitted he could do a better job at home while promoting his partnership with Hertz. Sorry, Gisele. I hope it was a deep rejuvenating yoga breath because it’s probably gonna have to last you a while.
Balancing it all. After ending his brief retirement, Tom Brady opened up about his consistent attempts to give it his all on the field and at home.
“There was a lot of decisions that are made and everything. I think the point is everything really comes at a cost — to choose one thing and not another. I just got to make sure I have things balanced out the way that I need to have them balanced out at,” Brady, 44, exclusively told Us Weekly on Tuesday, June 14, while promoting his partnership with Hertz. “So, I think for me, it’s just a matter of making sure in the off-season, I try to cover a lot of things and make sure a lot of things are taken care of. And then when a football season comes, I can really focus on football.”
The athlete noted that he was still working on finding his footing with his loved ones, adding, “[During] the off-season, my family’s got a lot of time. I’ve enjoyed that. I can still do a better job of that. It’s just constantly trying to be a little bit better each day.”
Imagine struggling this hard with simply going home and kicking it with the fam. Even if my kids were weird and ugly, I’d still prefer listening to them wail and scream as I force them to watch Blazing Saddles for the 200th time than do even one single extracurricular burpee. And yes, forcing your offspring to watch Blazing Saddles is the only good reason I can think of to have kids. And for Tom, it’s using dubious anecdotes about them to fulfill his contractual obligations.
“That’s the thing, we don’t have to do much. I think it’s not about where we’re going. It’s just us all,” Brady, who also shares son Jack, 14, with ex-girlfriend Bridget Moynahan, told Us. “My son had a school trip to Italy and if someone says, ‘What was your favorite trip about Italy?’ I would say the time I was in the car with my two sons.”
Favorite trip about Italy? I didn’t think quarterbacks usually had to worry about CTE. Hope whatever is causing his, let’s call it simplicity, isn’t genetic. He may not be able to give his children his precious time, but he did give them his DNA.
He continued: “They were wrestling for like five straight days in the car. And every time I got in the car, I was like, ‘What is wrong with you? Little animals.’ It was just so cute. That’s what I remember more than anything, more than going to the Colosseum or some restaurant — the time in the car together. So as long as we’re all together, I’m pretty cool.”
Sorry Vivian, NO GIRLS ALLOWED IN THE HERTZ™! Same goes for Gisele. In a behind-the-scenes video for his Hertz commercials, Tom says “there’s nothing like escaping to the mountains after a long season.” And who do you think he would most like to make that escape with? Answer below @2:05.
Maybe he should just consider adopting a Gronk and call it a day. It would probably save everybody a lot of time. Time that could be better used forging family bonds by forcing them to watch Blazing Saddles.