Category: RIP True Love
Kaitlynn Carter And Brody Jenner Talked About Their Open Marriage And Being Too Busy (HA!) To Get Married For Real
Last night on The Hills: New Beginnings, Brody Jenner and Kaitlynn Carter discussed their fake marriage and why they decided to have a marriage ceremony but not actually get legally married (SPOILER ALERT: for attention). They also talked about the rumor that they have an open marriage and that they may be not ready for children. Which at the time, felt very offensive to Kaitlynn, but considering she is now living with and publicly dry humping Miley Cyrus and Brody is now dating Josie Canseco, things might have worked out for the best.
Ronnie Ortiz-Margo And Jen Harley Of “Jersey Shore” Have Broken Up For The Millionth Time, And Yes It’s Messy
Sad news for believers in true love as Ronnie Ortiz-Margo of Jersey Shore and the mother of his poor child Jen Harley have broken up again. I know we’re all shocked and saddened by this news but there are some things to celebrate: no one got dragged by a car, zero arrests were made, the TV is safe and it involved only some alleged minor cheating on Ron’s part.
Dina Lohan Has Broken Up With Catfish Questionable Boyfriend
Thank god Shakespeare is dead because even he couldn’t take the sad news that true love has officially died. As Dina Lohan has broken up with her boyfriend of 5 years (the one she never met or or even FaceTimed with). And it turns out it’s for the reason that most things go wrong: Michael Lohan.
Proof That True Love Is A Thing Of Fiction: Ariana Grande And Pete Davidson Broke Up
Nobody has won Powerball or Mega Millions, and their jackpots have hit $345 million and $654 million, respectively. But if you put money on “October 14, 2018″ as the day it’s announced that a priest gives the last rites to the meaning of True Love, then you’re already a big winner. Although, honestly, we’re all losers today since it’s obvious there’s no such thing as everlasting love.
Scott Disick Was Too Much Of A Drunk Partier For Bella Thorne
Last month, every greeting card store in the world gathered up their supply of cards about love and began shredding them all. Because after hearing that the true love union between 19-year-old Bella Thorne and 34-year-old Scott Disick didn’t last, they couldn’t continue to push something that doesn’t exist. A quick second after Bella and Scott began bumping genitals, they went off to Cannes together. But HorSick was over as quick as they began and Bella ditched Scott in Cannes and flew back home. Sources (read: my imagination) tell me that when Bella tried to get back into the States, customs officials immediately shuffled her off to a CDC quarantine tent where she spent several days soaking in a hot ammonia and antibiotics bath. Once she was given the clear, Bella talked to Complex about the love of our time that never was.
The Classiest And Most Modest Wedding Of Our Time Is Off!
Everyone has the sads today. Humanity has the sads because we’ve been cheated out of video clips of Mariah Carey cooing out her vows (read: lyrics from one of her songs) while wearing a modest ensemble (read: a pink diamond-encrusted bodysuit with a 25-foot long train) and standing next to a witness (read: the real Lisa Frank) at the City Clerk’s Office (read: an exact replica of Cinderella’s Castle that she had built in her backyard). Hello Kitty has the sads because she won’t get to walk Mimi down the aisle anytime soon. And Mimi’s bank accounts have the sads, because now she has to spend her own money since she and Billionaire Shrek are done! For now, anyway.