Nobody has won Powerball or Mega Millions, and their jackpots have hit $345 million and $654 million, respectively. But if you put money on “October 14, 2018″ as the day it’s announced that a priest gives the last rites to the meaning of True Love, then you’re already a big winner. Although, honestly, we’re all losers today since it’s obvious there’s no such thing as everlasting love.
After being together a total of around 5 months, and being engaged for around 4 months, and getting too-many-to-count matching tattoos, and burping out 4,500 miles of sappiness about each other, TMZ reports that Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson are done. Ariana definitely used her own coins to buy her $100,000 engagement ring, but if we are really living in backwards time and Pete somehow scraped enough money together to buy it himself, he’ll probably ask for it back since he’ll need to pawn it to put a deposit on a new apartment after getting kicked out of her $16 million apartment. Just a hunch.
Sources say that Ariana and Pete called off their engagement this weekend after deciding that it’s not the right time for them to be a thing and that she’s dealing with a lot, like the death of her ex Mac Miller. A source tells People that Ariana and the Staten Island Samantha Ronson both agreed that setting their relationship to “U-Haul lesbians on speed” wasn’t a good idea, and that they haven’t completely closed the casket on their love, but they’re done for now:
“It was way too much too soon. It’s not shocking to anyone.”
But a source tells UsWeekly that they’re not totally done with each other and trying to work things out. The Blast also says that Ariana was supposed to let out her signature yodel mumble at the Fuck Cancer gala in L.A. last night, but canceled, and her manager Scooter Braun told the audience that she’s going through a lot.
While this break-up is good news for the laster tattoo removal industry, tattoo artists who specialize in cover-ups, and Ariana’s insides so they’re no longer going to destroyed by Pete’s supposed Leaning Tower of Pisa dick, it’s bad news for her record label (since they have to figure out what to rename her song Pete Davidson to) and their pig child Piggy Smalls Grande-Davidson. Poor Piggy Smalls, so young and already having to shuffle from dad’s place to mom’s place. WHY DIDN’T ANYBODY THINK OF PIGGY SMALLS?!!!