I stopped watching Celebrity Big Brother this year because it’s boring as hell and I don’t care about any of the people. However, I should have stuck around for last night night’s episode so I could have gotten the hugest laugh of the week. Dina Lohan, the dalai lama of bad everything, revealed that she’s been in a five year relationship with a man she’s never seen in person. Cue up the theme song from MTV’s Catfish please.
People reports that Dina is the Queen of Hopeless Romantics (or fools) because she gets the swoons and butterfly guts for a man living in San Francisco. They’ve been in a long distance relationship with for five years and she plans to marry him. Clearly at this point you’re thinking “Bitch, use Facetime!” But nope! Her man doesn’t do that. And even with all of this sketchy information Dina still hopes to one day become Mrs. No Facetime. She revealed her touching, creepy love story to fellow houseguests Tamar Braxton, Kandi Burruss and Natalie Eva Marie who all looked at her like she’d completely lost her marbles. Newsflash ladies, Dina has never had any marbles to lose so this kind of shit falls right in line with her lifestyle.
“I can’t wait to tell you about this guy,” she told Kandi Burruss, Tamar Braxton, and Natalie Eva Marie. “I’ve been talking to him for five years. Like, every day. A lot. I feel like I know him.”
“You know when you talk to someone on the phone, like you feel like you know them?” she added.
The New York-based star went on to explain that she hadn’t met her long-term boyfriend yet because he was currently living San Fransisco taking care of his mother and he doesn’t use FaceTime.
I don’t think that’s sugar Dina’s been adding to her coffee because she sounds like she’s riding high on the wave of the good shit right now. And her fellow houseguests weren’t buying her man’s background story of not using Facetime either. Believing she may be reeling in the lure of a catfish, Tamar agreed to accompany Dina to San Francisco so they can meet him together. However Dina swatted that idea down, insisting that this guy is for real, really real and that she knows it sounds crazy but Mr. San Francisco is her one true love.
Even though the obvious deduction is that she’s being catfished, I think one of two things is happening here; Either Dina is lying or Dina is telling lies. There really are no other options on this multiple choice quiz. If Dina Lohan was in a relationship she would throw that shit on reality TV and call it something catchy like I Got Me A Man! Y’all know this broad lives for the spotlight. Why do you think she’s on Celebrity Big Brother? Because it marries her two favorite things in life: attention and a check.