Take A Seat Noel, It’s Liam Gallagher’s Turn To Bitch About Popular Music

February 25, 2016 / Posted by:

The BRIT Awards were last night, and even an Ask Zandar game with two nearly-dead AA batteries in it could have predicted that Adele would walk away with the most awards. She took home trophies for British Female Solo Artist, Global Success Award, British Album of the Year, and British Single of the Year. They only give out 14 awards at the BRITs, which means Adele basically won almost 30% of them. Dear BRITs: Next time, save time and money by melting all the awards together into a giant ball and carve the word BEST into it.

Naturally I assumed that sort of math would cause We Hate Adele club president Noel Gallagher to spit out his cornflakes in disgust and release an angry statement about it all. But I guess he was busy, because we got an angry statement from his brother Liam Gallagher instead. Shortly after the BRIT Awards aired, Liam jumped onto Twitter and took a dump on the winners.

You hear that everyone? He called me massive! Looks like I AM a big boy now!” said 2016 BRIT Award International Male Solo Artist winner Justin Bieber.

I don’t remember reading anything in the news about an alien race of “massive cunts” descending upon the UK and abducting the music industry (which I’m totally picturing as looking like the aliens from Spice World). So I don’t know how accurate that statement is. But Liam is right about one thing: the quality of music in the UK isn’t nearly as good as it used to be. Example: S Club 7 – unquestionably the greatest artists to ever come out of the UK – haven’t released an album in over 14 years. That’s tragic! Hang your head in shame, music industry.

Pic: Splash

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