Category: MacKenzie Bezos

MacKenzie Scott (Formerly Bezos) Has Already Given Away $1.7 Billion Of Her Fortune To Charity

July 29, 2020 / Posted by:

MacKenzie Scott is not fucking around. Last year she signed The Giving Pledge, which is an initiative started by Bill and Melinda Gates that encourages the world’s wealthiest people to donate at least half their fortunes to charitable causes. At the time, MacKenzie said she wasn’t going to waste any time in doing so. So while her ex-husband Jeff Bezos is apparently waiting to get Lauren Sanchez listed as a 501(c) before signing the pledge, MacKenzie quietly got to work. In just over a year, she has already donated $1.7 billion to various organizations with a promise to “keep at it until the safe is empty.” And while I’m pretty sure she’s not doing it out of spite to make Jeff look trashier than he already does, the probability of Jeff’s left eye twitching at the thought of people expecting him to do the same is a bonus act of charitable giving on MacKenzie’s part.

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Jeff Bezos Bought Two Beverly Hills Properties For A Total Of $255 Million

February 13, 2020 / Posted by:

Because every billionaire overlord needs a billionaire overlord compound to plan his world takeover in, Jeff Bezos has spread his cheeks and farted out a paltry $255 million to buy two massive properties in Beverly Hills. As Amazon’s accountants send the IRS a check of $0 in corporate taxes and Amazon workers slave away, Jeff Bezos will skip through his new Beverly Hills mansion while deciding which one of his many bidets will get the honor of licking his ass like it’s Sandra Lee’s ex. The Wall Street Journal reports that the emperor of America’s favorite brand has broken the California real estate record by buying the Jack Warner Estate in Beverly Hills. And because most of us haven’t seen just how big Jeff’s alleged big dick is, he had to show us by buying the place next-door too. It’s like the billionaire version of an Amazon add-on item.

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Lauren Sanchez’s Brother Is Suing Jeff Bezos For Defamation 

February 3, 2020 / Posted by:

When the richest man in the world Jeff Bezos announced that his marriage to MacKenzie Bezos was over, we learned that he was with Lauren Sanchez. Things got more awkward from there. Lauren’s brother, Michael Sanchez got wrapped up in an alleged plot to bring down Jeff Bezos. The scheme involved Donald Trump, American Media Inc. and its owner David Pecker. Michael is the one who originally leaked Jeff and Lauren’s sexy text messages which led to Jeff revealing his divorce. So allegedly Michael did the same thing with the dick pics, and now he’s suing over the accusations. And yes, we should all file a class-action suit against everyone involved for making us picture the richest dick’s dick.

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Jeff Bezos “Earned” Over $13 Billion In Under 15 Minutes

January 31, 2020 / Posted by:

Because you, the average person, are too lazy to actually take your ass to Target, Jeff Bezos just became $13.2 billion richer than he already was. Congratulations, you just paid for Lauren Sanchezspa treatments for a year! Ok, maybe 6 months, but seriously get a grip. You’re an adult. Do you have a crush on your Amazon Prime driver or something?

According to Bloomberg (the news org, not the other billionaire, at least not directly), Amazon stock surged yesterday, netting Jeff $13.2 billion in as much time as it takes for you to find anything on Prime Video using their crappy search function. Seriously, how is Netflix the only streaming service with a user friendly interface?!

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Jeff Bezos And Lauren Sanchez Might Quickly Marry Since They’re Both Officially Divorced Now

July 7, 2019 / Posted by:

Amazon founder and god of money Jeff Bezos and his girlfriend Lauren Sanchez are reportedly thinking of getting married right away since both of their divorces are now finalized. Lauren better be doing everything short of claiming she’s dying and it would mean so much to her to get that ring on her finger and make it official. Look at how his last wife made out!

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MacKenzie Bezos Has Promised To Donate Half Of Her $36 Billion Fortune To Charity

May 28, 2019 / Posted by:

Amazon billionaire Jeff Bezos and his wife who was there since the beginning MacKenzie Bezos finalized their divorce last month (after we all found out he had moved on to his alleged side piece Lauren Sanchez), and she walked away the third richest woman in the world. Jeff was worth $137 billion. He’s now worth $114 billion. A newly-single MacKenzie is reportedly worth $36.6 billion (she now owns about 4% of Amazon, while Jeff owns about 12%). I’m not a math person, so let’s just guess that it would take MacKenzie ten lifetimes to spend all that money, Brewster’s Millions-style. MacKenzie probably knows this, which is why she’s dumping a ton of it into various charities.

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