While it takes some rich people (I’m looking at you, Brad and Angelina) eons to get divorced, Amazon billionaire Jeff Bezos and his wife of over 25 years MacKenzie Bezos wasted no time. It took them just under three months and a few rumored peen pics to finalize what, at $137 BILLION, may be the most expensive divorce in U.S. history. Don’t worry, money doesn’t change people. They still have “great respect” and all that other dumb shit celebrities say about each other after breaking up.
TMZ says Jeff gets to keep most of the companies he started, but Mackenzie is going to get a hefty chunk of change. She spelled it out earlier on a post to Twitter:
— MacKenzie Bezos (@mackenziebezos) April 4, 2019
OK, fine, I get she’s a novelist and anti-bullying advocate, but don’t bring kid gloves to divorce court, Mac! Get half, and wear some of the cash as a power suit to the next Amazon shareholders meeting! OK, so here’s more dirt. Jeff is still going to be the world’s richest man even though MacKenzie gets a quarter of their stock in the company. But don’t feel too badly for her. She’s now the third-richest woman in the world after Francoise Bettencourt Meyers of the L’Oreal family and Alice Walton of the Walton (Walmart) family, and CNET estimates MacKenzie is sitting on about $35 billion post-divorce. Jeff will be worth about $115 billion.
Jeff will own about 12% of Amazon while Mackenzie will have about 4% of the company. Jeff issued his own little divorce acceptance tweet, and surprisingly it wasn’t for Lauren Sanchez to leave the Viagra on the nightstand:
— Jeff Bezos (@JeffBezos) April 4, 2019
This all seems a little too polite and quick if you ask me, but I guess if anyone is going to have a cold, quick divorce, it’s going to be the dude who made billions off getting this country hooked on same-day delivery. I can’t wait to see Donald Trump file divorce papers with Melania Trump just to prove he can have an even quicker, nicer divorce!