Page Six has a looooong piece about how and why Angelina Jolie transformed herself from beatific savior of the world’s children to ruthless harpy whose one goal in life is to keep her ex-husband Brad Pitt away from his children. Sara Nathan and Emily Smith are credited with the article but does anyone know if either of those is Brad’s drag name? Or his lawyer’s?
In the article, “sources” claim that the optics are true – Angie will do everything up to making the children secretly live in the attic for years so dad Brad can never see them.
“It doesn’t matter how much charity work you do. If you drive a wedge between a father and his children, you’re an a–hole.”
That George Clooney is one hissy kitty. The sources add that Angie’s goal since she filed for divorce from Brad in September of 2016 has supposedly been to make Brad look like a kid-punching drunk ass who cries poor mouth whenever his supposedly suddenly disadvantaged children need money for shoes. And she’ll supposedly use every evil spell from her Book of Three to do it.
After Brad wanted to dissolve their hell union ASAP even before coming to an agreement on child custody and finances, Angie allegedly asked him to wait a week to reconsider. And then filed her own motion with the same requests.
“Angelina filed with the judge to make it look like she wanted the early divorce before Brad [did],” said Los Angeles divorce attorney Peter Walzer, who has cases up against one of Jolie’s lawyers, Laura Wasser.
But why? Why would Angie rip off her benevolent white “montenegro – style” cloak symbolizing her love for all and reveal that she really wears all black with a pointy hat and an easily accessible broomstick? It’s because Brad left her and was the first to make a legal move publicly! This seems to have triggered Operation “If You Think You’ve Seen A Scorned Woman, You Ain’t Seen Shit, Brad!”
“She doesn’t want Brad to move on. She’s furious that he’s not chasing after her — and [that fury is] now ruining her image.”
Oh, and another reason she’s trying to stick a fork in Brad’s ass and roast him over an open flame is that she might be crazy.
“You can try to change as much as you want, but you’re always going to go back to who you truly are. She can’t help herself.”
Angie has these wild mood swings. She [had] launched this aggressive tone, which backfired, saying she’s poor when she’s making $25 million a movie, and saying Brad’s not paid child support. This week, she came back all mellow and super nice — it’s a direct reaction to the fact that people did not react well to her [previous] blow.”
She just assumed that people would follow whatever she said, including her husband, and so when they had marital issues, she . . . believed she could just bully him into whatever she wanted.”
And of course, Brad is allegedly at home clutching a photo of his kids with a single manly tear spotting it.
“She went on the attack. Essentially, Angelina’s calling Brad a deadbeat dad, when he pays for the kids’ security, hotels and private jets. All he wants is to see his kids.”
The “attack” includes “controlling [their] phone calls to telling the kids they don’t need to see him and picking times he can see them when she knows he’s working,” says “a source with intimate knowledge of the divorce.”
Brad went on to write that Brad’s trying to keep it together and that the exes are barely speaking now.
“He’s not having the best time, but he’s hanging in there. He’s hopeful this will all be resolved. They talk some, but [not] very much. Once you go down this road, and s–t gets flung about, then it’s very difficult.”
What’s missing from Page Six’s piece is a mention of the time that Angelina, twirling her moustache and hissing laughter, tied Brad to railroad tracks with the train a’comin’.