Mick Jagger Responds To The Harry Styles Comparisons, Says That Harry Is A “Superficial Resemblance” Of His Younger Self
Ever since Harry Styles went solo and his team has been doing him up in looks straight from the 70s Glam Rock Starter Kit, he has been called the Muppet Babies version of Mick Jagger, Elton John, Freddie Mercury, and David Bowie. We can’t ask for Bowie’s and Freddie’s thoughts on being one of Harry Styles’ impersonations since they’re busy giving the angels the tingles by crotch-thrusting in the afterworld. Elton John seems to be okay with the comparison since he’s praised Harry before. And the topic of Harry Styles was brought up during a recent interview between The Rolling Stones and The Times of London, and Mick likes Harry but said he was way more androgynous back in the day, that Harry is a “superficial resemblance” to his younger self, and that Harry doesn’t “move on stage” like him. Okay, I was with Mick Jagger until Mick just had to go ahead and terrorize my mind by making me think of Adam Levine yodeling out the horribly false claim that he’s got the moves like Jagger. Damn you, Mick!
In a shocking turn of events, Keith Richards is no longer a smoker. 78-year-old Keith revealed the news in a recent interview with CBS Sunday Morning. Keith says that he quietly quit two years ago, after 55 straight years of ciggie-suckin’. A reminder that, back in 2018, he announced he’d essentially given up drinking (save for the occasional glass of wine or pint of beer). He also quit cocaine in 2006 and heroin in 1978. Which means Keith Richards is… straight edge?! Great, yet another sign of the Apocalypse.
Back in May of 2007, Rolling Stone published a cover story and interview between Keith Richards, and his spiritual son Johnny Depp. Except the interview that made it into the magazine was not the original interview. Thanks to Rolling Stone themselves, we now know that the original interview was so messy, so weird, so uncomfortable, so off the rails, that they could not in good conscience publish it. Well, we’re all pretty desperate for content, and thanks to an ongoing global pandemic, we’ll pretty much accept anything no matter how poor or questionable the quality. And that might be why Rolling Stone has finally released the original interview from their very own version of the Disney vault after fourteen years buried away. Or maybe they released it because the vault was starting to smell too much like Marlboros, vodka, lighter fluid, and unwashed fedoras with that interview trapped in there like that.
Keith Richards recently sat down with GQ to promote the reissued box set of Live at the Hollywood Palladium, his 1988 show with (his other band) The X-Pensive Winos. He talked about music and his day-to-day life during the pandemic. The 76-year-old has been living in his Connecticut home with wife, Patti Hansen, their two dogs, Sugar and Honey, and their two daughters, Theodora, 35, and Alexandra, 34. And yes, like all us non-famouses, Keef’s been dressing like a grub in his “comfies” (awww).
Semen and pussy juice are the only bodily fluids left standing that haven’t been explicitly discussed in open court in the never-ending legal drama between Johnny Depp (seen above, I think, in a courtroom sketch), Amber Heard and The Sun. But they are implied. In day two of the libel trial of Johnny vs The Sun, the moon, and everything in between, photographic evidence was given alleging that Johnny’s breakfast of choice includes a pint glass full of whiskey, four lines of cocaine snorted with a tampon applicator and a Keith Richards CD, which is why Keith is trending today on Twitter. It was also alleged that Johnny once scrawled “I love you” in blood from his severed finger on a mirror and that he once hit Amber for making fun of his Wino Forever tattoo. And, according to Page Six, Johnny admitted to calling Amber “a go-getter slut and a whore,” because he was convinced she was having an affair with James Franco, who Johnny says Amber once called “creepy and rapey.” However, he has so far adamantly denied he committed any of the 14 instances of physical assault presented by the defense (via Page Six). Hey, at least there was no talk of human feces on the docket this time!
You’d think that when you’ve been pickled for as long as Keith Richards has, you’d want to be careful about making any changes to your routine. There’s a delicate ecosystem at work there, any alteration might cause a cataclysmic break down causing Keith’s cells causing them to spontaneously liquefy. But according to Rolling Stone, he’s very recently given up drinking. Well, almost.