Category: Ronnie Wood

Mick Jagger Responds To The Harry Styles Comparisons, Says That Harry Is A “Superficial Resemblance” Of His Younger Self

May 22, 2022 / Posted by:

Ever since Harry Styles went solo and his team has been doing him up in looks straight from the 70s Glam Rock Starter Kit, he has been called the Muppet Babies version of Mick Jagger, Elton John, Freddie Mercury, and David Bowie. We can’t ask for Bowie’s and Freddie’s thoughts on being one of Harry Styles’ impersonations since they’re busy giving the angels the tingles by crotch-thrusting in the afterworld. Elton John seems to be okay with the comparison since he’s praised Harry before. And the topic of Harry Styles was brought up during a recent interview between The Rolling Stones and The Times of London, and Mick likes Harry but said he was way more androgynous back in the day, that Harry is a “superficial resemblance” to his younger self, and that Harry doesn’t “move on stage” like him. Okay, I was with Mick Jagger until Mick just had to go ahead and terrorize my mind by making me think of Adam Levine yodeling out the horribly false claim that he’s got the moves like Jagger. Damn you, Mick!

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Keith Richards Has Practically Given Up Drinking

December 14, 2018 / Posted by:

You’d think that when you’ve been pickled for as long as Keith Richards has, you’d want to be careful about making any changes to your routine. There’s a delicate ecosystem at work there, any alteration might cause a cataclysmic break down causing Keith’s cells causing them to spontaneously liquefy. But according to Rolling Stone, he’s very recently given up drinking. Well, almost.

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Ronnie Wood Battled A Lung Cancer Diagnosis

August 7, 2017 / Posted by:

Ronnie Wood, the dude from The Rolling Stones who looks like a bathwater-wrinkled finger that isn’t Mick Jagger or Keith Richards, recently spoke to The Daily Mail’s Sunday Event magazine to promote his art book Ronnie Wood: Artist. The big conversation was about how life caught up to him in the form of a lung cancer diagnosis. But don’t worry, Ronnie is fine now thanks to surgery. But not chemotherapy. Oh no, not that. Ronnie passed on chemo because he didn’t want to lose that thick hunk of hair on his head.

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Ronnie Wood’s 68-Year-Old Ass Is Now A Dad To Newborn Twins

May 31, 2016 / Posted by:

Great news for Ronnie Wood! The next time he accidentally takes a caca during bath times and spits out his mashed peas dinner onto the floor (because that crap is just nasty), he’ll have not only one, but two, humans he can blame it on. Ronnie Wood is a father to babies again at the age of 68. When some people are 68, the only contact they want to have with chirrun is to scream at the ones playing on their front lawn, but Ronnie is actually happy about having adorable drool monsters around again.

Last December, we learned that even after centuries of smoking, snorting, butt chugging, injecting and eyeballing the bad shit, Ronnie Wood’s cum fish can still knock a trick up. Ronnie and his 38-year-old theater producer wife of 3 years Sally Humphries announced that a pair of babies were growing in her womb. Sally birthed out twin girls yesterday and no, she didn’t name one Ka and the other one Ching. via BBC

“Ronnie & Sally Wood are delighted to announce the birth of their twins Gracie Jane (6lb) & Alice Rose (5.7lb). The girls arrived on 30 May at 22:30 and all are doing brilliantly. The babies are perfect.”

Gracie Jane and Alice Rose are Sally’s first children. Besides these new ones, Ronnie has four kids: 41-year-old Jamie, 39-year-old Jesse, 37-year-old Leah and 32-year-old Tyrone.

Like I said before, Ronnie Wood’s Hoggle-looking ass and Keith Richards are going to live longer than dirt, so he’ll witness the entire lives of his twins, his grandkids and his great-great-great-great-great grandkids, but still. Can you imagine being 80-something years old and having to suffer through the nightmare of your kids’ high school graduation? You have to sit there and deal with the judgmental looks from hos who don’t appreciate you taking big swigs of Ensure and rum from your flask, and you have to deal with tricks shushing you when you loudly say, “When is this over? My Depends is full! I can’t take this shit much longer, literally!” Actually, pissing people off like that sounds fun. Let me add “have kids at 68” to my list of possible goals.

And here’s Gracie and Alice’s new uncles at a Rolling Stones exhibit at the Saatchi Gallery in London last month:



Ronnie Wood’s Jizz Has Still Got It!

December 7, 2015 / Posted by:

Contrary to popular belief, Ronnie Wood’s 68-year-old dick doesn’t only bust out loads of dust and crack-infused moth balls nowadays. Ronnie’s sperm fish has still got it in them. The Sun (via NYDN) was the first to report that Ronnie’s wood knocked up his 37-year-old wife of 3 years Sally Humphries. A rep for the The Rolling Stones says it’s true and in a few months Sally will be wiping drool off of the faces of three people because she’s having twins. Ronnie and Sally are going to become parents to a pair of babies in June 2016.

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