An Errant Turd May Have Been The Catalyst For Amber Heard And Johnny Depp’s Divorce

August 16, 2018 / Posted by:

According to new revelations, the real reason Amber Heard and Johnny Depp’s marriage shit the bed was because SOMEBODY literally shit the bed. According to The Mirror, sources say that feces found in the marital bed led to the fight that marked the beginning of the end for these two.

Reportedly, it all started when Johnny showed up 2 hours late for Amber’s 30th birthday party (honestly, 2-hours late sounds like “on-time” for Johnny, but what do I know) back in April of 2016. That’s the same night Johnny claims Amber physically assaulted him. But there’s more to the story. Johnny also claims that in retaliation , Amber and her friends “deliberately” soiled the sheets with caca of unknown provenance.

Johnny had stormed out of the LA penthouse during the argument and a housekeeper found the soiled sheets the next day.

Amber claims the shitty sheets were an accident. It wasn’t her, it was Boo, the Yorkie with bowel problems! But the housekeeper said no, it was far too big to have come from a little pencil tip-sized anus. The housekeeper thinks a larger anus was at play!

We’ve got the mystery of the ages right here folks. Who shat the shit? If only there were photographic proof…

A source close to Johnny, 55, said he thinks there is “strong, photographic evidence that connected Amber to the faeces” and it was left as a “prank”.

Whether it was a puerile prank or a purposeful pooing, the fact of the matter is there was shit in the bed and Amber and Johnny left it there for the maid to clean up the next morning. But the matter didn’t end there with some poor employee knowing an eventual payout from the Mirror would be the only salve they’d find to soothe the insult of having to clean up after Johnny Depp. No, the matter of the fecal matter came up again in May. The fight that ended with Johnny allegedly throwing his iPhone at Amber, was over the turd. It seems that once Johnny gets a turd in his mouth, he never lets go. Metaphorically speaking, of course. Of the May fight, The Mirror reports:

She alleged that during the row: “He began obsessing about something untrue and his demeanour changed dramatically. He became angry.”

Unless that turd was preserved, we may never know from whence it came. As it stands, Johnny will always think it was the most personal of attacks, and Amber maintains it was Boo’s poo and an accident.

“It was an innocent thing, it’s what pets will do. We don’t have anything else to say. Ms Heard is moving on and we do not want to engage in this nonsense.”

It doesn’t get much messier than shit smeared sheets. Johnny and Amber’s divorce may officially be the messiest of the decade.


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